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tboette · Feb 1, 2006, 02:32 PM

I have been married for 6 years now. My husband and I seemed to have so much in common when we first started seeing each other, however now he seems to be trying to change everything about me. Nothing makes him happy either. He seems to think I am not raising my chidren right and he doesn't even have children of his own and doesn't want any of his own. He doesn't trust me with money either. He can never admit when he is wrong and never apologizes if he is wrong. At first he wanted to do everything for me and now he says I don't do enough. He hates everything about my family. I just don't see how we are going to make it like this. I don't want things to go on like this because the pain will be greater in the long run. My children are not fond of him except for one and he's 10. My oldest boy was put in DJJ when he was only 14 and when he got out at 17 (after being in DJJ and the mental hospital) and was diagnosed with bipolar. Well, just let me put it this way, we had to kick him out because he stole from us again. My Mom felt that I should have stood by my son and kicked out the husband. I am just one confused cookie. Any advise would be great. Thanks.

CaptainForest · Feb 1, 2006, 08:48 PM

Kicking out your son seems to have been the best choice. You might consider counseling, with both him and your hubby.

Your husband doesn't trust you with money. Does he have a valid reason not to? Do you rack up Credit Card debt? Spend money unwisely. If you have answer no to any of those questions, then get out now. A man who controls the money supply like that is not a person you want to be with.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 1, 2006, 08:57 PM

This sounds very sadly about average for an american family, the complaints may be reversed, but basically change the names and this can be most couples I counsel.

I would strongly suggest you get some level of professional counseling, itwill help you to grow back into a better relationship and talk more openly and freely

fredg · Feb 2, 2006, 07:02 AM

Hi,
I was divorced after 7 yrs of marriage; then remarried now for 28 yrs!
The answer suggesting going to a Professional counselor, like a Marriage Counselor is very good; I also suggest it.
Try talking him into going with you for counseling. If he won't go, then it's your decision as to what you want to do with your marriage.
If you decide to end it, then please talk with a lawyer, so you'll know how to handle it. I do wish you the very best of luck. It does sound like your husband isn't happy anymore, and I can see why your children aren't fond of him.

tboette · Feb 2, 2006, 12:43 PM

I am not sure if I am doing this right but I just want to thank each of you for responding to me. Unfortunately, I tell my husband all the time that he doesn't seem happy anymore. He just says he is, but he thinks things could be better. He is a perfectionist. I tell him that life is not like that. Things are going to happen that we have no control over. As far as what CaptainForest said, you're right, sometimes I do spend unwisley but I am working on that and have been. I have saved money now for 3 years for vacations, Christmas, etc. with my own money plus paid all the bills exvept for what he pays for. Gas, groceries, misc. I just feel like we are working against each other instead of together. There is a lot more I could explain, but it would take hours. All in all my husband has the best intentions and is VERY loving when he wants to be to me. I just wish he could express that love more to the kids instead of always being the disciplinarion. This is him in a nut shell:
He wants for me to do special things for him like cook separate meals for him, remind him to take his medicine at night, basically treat him like he is a baby. I am really trying but when I think I am making him happy I am not. Nothing is ever good enough for him. I just love him so much and it hursts me that I can not be the person he needs.

Crazygirl42026 · Apr 7, 2006, 08:01 PM

I have been married for 21/2 yrs. My husband has a very bad problem with flirting with other girls. I tell him over and over again that it hurts me but he does it anyway. My ex boyfriend came back it to my life after about 3 or 4 yrs and it has got me thinking. Should I stay with my husband even though he makes me so unhappy because we have a 3 yr old child or should I try to get my life straight somewhere else with my child?

tboette · Apr 11, 2006, 07:10 AM

I am not sure if I am the right person to answer your question but I don't think you should leave your husband just because he flirts. Is he cheating? If so then yes I truly believe you should leave. Otherwise maybe if you flirt a little too he'll get the message then. Maybe if he feels a little of what you're feeling he'll stop. Also, ask him if he's happy with you. If so why does he feel it necessary to flirt with other women? Just know this, it's not your fault. He's the one with the problem. Sounds like he isn't secure with his manhood. In addition, some men just do that to see if other women still find them attractive. I think it gives some men satisfaction knowing. This doesn't mean he will act on his feelings but you never know. I hope this has been helpful. I've been married for 6 years (second husband) together 8. He never even looks at another woman. My first husband on the other hand did look at other women and that fear was always there that he was cheating. I never could find any proof. Our marriage didn't end because of that though. There were numerous other reasons. Neglect, physically and emotionally, and money misteriously disappearing. After all that him looking at other women was not evena factor anymore. I hope this has helped a little.

pab · Apr 11, 2006, 10:15 AM

It's only going to get worse. Your kids should come first. Raise them, then get involved with someone who respects you.

DJ 'H' · Apr 12, 2006, 04:39 AM

Your husband sounds very selfish and does not seem to care about you or have any respect for you. If I was in your shoes I would be looking to have a divorce. My ex boyfriend was a lot like your husband - he wore me down so badly that I forgot who I was and became a person that I did not want to be.

Don't let him do the same to you!

Krs · Apr 12, 2006, 05:56 AM

Seems like he had a sudden change of character as u said he wasn't like this and used to do everything for you and your family.

Start to think selfishly like him, and ask yourself whether you want to be with a man with who has a bad attitude?
Try counseling, if u think he deserves a second chance or just leave him and stand on your own feet with your children.
You don't need a man who is constantly bringing you down.

Hope all goes well for you.

Krs · Apr 12, 2006, 05:58 AM

Oh and tell your husband there is NO such thing as perfect in this world we live in and if he wants to be and remain a perfectionist he best go live alone totally alone.
There is no such thing as 100% perfect.

talaniman · Apr 13, 2006, 07:01 AM

One of the things about my wife of 32 years that I respect is I know for a fact I can't put any BS in front of her. Not only does she stand up for herself but has no problem telling me that she will not put up wit some of the crap I throw down. Instead of being a doormat stand up to your husband and let him know you don't agree with everything he says or does and stand your ground. Marriage is about communication, respect and compromise, not one giving orders to another! That's called slavery!:cool: :eek: