I am in a relationship with a woman who has 2 daughters 9 and 7 , there is a lot of tension between the adults and not much comunication. But what I am asking about is that he has a house with other bed rooms for the girls and yet they sleep in the same bed. The other night the older daughter wanted to come home and sleep but he did not allow it. He just recently told the daycare lady that he wanted to have them stay with him so they can "cuddle" that night. This seems a little Off if you ask me just looking for at what age is it inapropriate for daughters to sleep consititaly with there dad when he has custody of them ( which is every other week)
Thanks for your time

Sounds fishy to me maybe you should ask your g/f about it in a nonaccussing sort of way... or maybe if you are close to her kids ask them about it.

My ex went to conselling and was told not to allow our daughter in his bed. "Don't do anything to cause suspicion." He may just be snuggling with them but it's better to set them up in their own bedrooms. Are you suspicious?

This does not sound normal. It is okay to snuggle in the bed, but the children should understand that they need to sleep in their own beds. If the kids are showing signs of anger or other emotional issues, I would recommend taking them to see a therapist. However, when it comes to any medical visits, you always need the other parent's consent to do this. However, once school is in session, your girlfriend may want to speak with the school about having the children speak with the on-site school psychologist if there are suspicions. It is never wrong to be overly cautious, but I would not recommend accusing the ex if you don't have proof of any wrong doing.

I don't think it's necessarily as fishy as it sounds.
Seven and nine aren't old enough to be sexually mature or appealing (hopefully). And at that age, they're perfectly capable of being scared of the dark and wanting company.

It's also possible that the father, having only partial access to their time, wants to spend as much time with his girls as possible.

All the same, be cautious.

Kal

The thing that really sets this apart from a normal daughter(s) sleeping in a parents bed is the fact that HE is the one encouraging and 'needing' to cuddle.
Your wife needs to ask them, "Well, what does daddy do when you are going to sleep"
And other questions. Make sure they are non leading questions. Like find a way to ask
Without insinuating anything.
And you need to watch their body language and hesitations in talking about it.
If they look uncomfortable or anything dad probably told them stuff like this is our little secret so don't tell and they don't want to betray the secret.

A few things come to mind:

(1) Has Mom had that talk with the girls about "good touches" and "bad touches?" If so, it might be a good time to review. If not, it might be a good time to have it. Someone has mentioned "body language." Watch the facial expressions and note any nervousness or fidgeting. Note that due to the nature of this discussion, there may be some natural discomfort, or there may be a reasonably comfortable inquisitiveness and interest. I would especially wish to watch when the conversation reaches that part about telling mom if anyone ever tries to give a "bad touch." Be sure to explain who in their lives are privileged to touch certain areas of their bodies and for what reasons. The discussion should include that a person doing a bad touch with kids sometimes tries to make it a special secret or a special expression of "love."

(2) Maybe Mom might be bold enough to ask in a general way about bed time--stories, games, getting comfortable for going to sleep, baths, sleeping apparel, and if bedtime is like bedtime at Mom's house. Open-ended questions, not yes or no questions, are likely to reveal more information. Mom might refer to her own snuggling with the kids at bedtime at her house. Again, the kids' expressions might say as much as their words.

Hopefully, nothing unhealthy is going on. But vigilance on behalf of our children is part of our love for them.

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A few things, since he has little time with them, they also want to be close to him. And perhaps he is not understanding they are growing up.

But at 9 and 7 it is long past time to be in separate bedroom

Sounds strange to me. I would say the girls should not be sleeping with their dad at that age. What does their mother think of this? Something should be done about this soon.

My father used to sleep with my brother and I. I think it was because he worked so much and wanted to spend time with us.. I still remember feeling VERY uncomfortable with it as a child. My Mom finally stopped it when we got to pre-teens. Still, I think I have hang ups about it even now. Don't do it, please. Even if you aren't doing anything it can cause problems.

I slept in bed with my parents until I was like 11. I mean of course mom was there so that might make it different but I was always cuddling with my dad. I still have good memories and sometimes I with it wouldn't be weird to cuddle with him again because I love him. Either way, I think it boils down to do the girls want to sleep with him? Some kids might not feel that close to parents.