Hi all,
I have been dating the same guy for the last five years. This past fall I started a new job, and I hit it off with one of the male staff.
We became friends quickly - same sense of humor; we could talk for hours about everything and nothing; and we spent time together outside of work. We got close, and although I didn't have any romantic feelings for him, I don't know if he felt the same.
We spent a LOT of time together - if we weren't hanging out on the weekend, we were messaging back and forth on the internet, or we were phoning each other. We were even sharing rides to work. I'm an affectionate person (with all my friends) and he was hesitant at first but then he wanted hugs after awhile. Several people commented on our relationship - that we should be together.
He was always aware of my long term, committed relationship. He never tried to make a move on me, ever. And of course, I was never aware what I was doing.
Fast forward to the winter, and a couple of my co-workers and I were out (him included) and I guess we were being too silly and giving him too much of a hard time... because he wouldn't speak to any of us for about a month. He never (and still hasn't) said anything to me about why he wouldn't speak to us... or if he was forced to, it would be abrupt and rude.
It really hurt me, because we had gotten so close and becme really good friends, and then all of a sudden he wouldn't talk to me.. To this day things are not the same with us.
I have no idea what's going on. I've lost some sleep over this (but I'm an anxious person anyway!)
Any insight would be greatly appreciated :)

Are you still with your boyfriend?

I think you and him get too friendly and close with one another. He works with you and now it a little strange at work this is what happens sometimes. It seems you have feelings for his then you want to admit, he the same. Sorry your no longer speak but sometimes this is what's happen so focus of your boyfriend instead of him, does he knows about this anyway?

It is a hard road when you allow a private fantasy to overpower your real life and real relationships. Anything you think personally regarding this coworker falls into that fantasy category.

Unless or until you end your actual long-term relationship ("committed" you called it, is it really committed?), you're supposed to push these fantasy obsessions into the background and chuckle at them, not troll through your social events looking to see if "something" is there.

Let this go as an issue, don't strain your coworking relationship unnecessarily.

Thanks so much. I realize that I may have had feelings for him in the past, but that's done now. I'm just concerned about him as a friend and that is all. I guess I just needed someone to affirm what I had been wondering for awhile.
My focus is on my current relationship and that is it.

I read your other post, and the absence of your b/f may have you putting too much attention on friends, and colleagues. I think you have built too much dependence on a co worker, and need to back off, and leave him alone, as he in no way, shares your feelings. Chalk it up, as we all must deal with the comings and goings of people in our lives. Dwelling on his actions, motivations and feelings, is a distraction you don't need, and will lead you on a negative path. Just accept the fact he has changed, and go on about your business, without him.

I think that you fell for for your co worker and didn't mean to. Its possible that being in a 5 year relationship with your current boyfriend that things could have gotten boring for you and so you decided to see what else is out there. Maybe not intentionally. It happens believe me I've been there. And maybe your new friend was hoping for more but at the same time didn't want to push you away and lose you all together by upsetting you because he knew that you was with someone. Now I'm thinking it may be hurting him to be around you because he knows he can't have you. Because you don't know for sure just how much he fell for you. So now it could be possible that it is just easiler for him to not be around you then to be around you and know he can't have you. My advise is either stay with your current boyfriend and focus all your attention on him or leave him and take a risk with this guy. But don't lead this guy on and never give him a chance and don't do that to your current boyfriend because that will just make him start feeling insecure. GOOD LUCK:)