MY new poem, read it i hope you like it

Sonador101 · #1 Jun 6, 2008, 12:58 PM

a flaw i own,
inside of me,
i try to fix,
all that i see.

people making,
bad mistakes,
people doing wrong,

i try to make them right,
i try to make them strong.

but it usually ends,
in another awful mess.
this is i flaw i own,
again i'll try to address,
sometimes i help them,
and they thank me dear,
but i can't seem to help,
but to fix all near.

sometimes i see,
something not like me,
and wrongly assume,
that its a mistake,
and genuine but fake.
when really theres nothing,
wrong with it,
but that i forget.

and i try to fix it anyway,
and people get madder,
and people get sadder,
as fix,
whats broken.
and shouldn't be spoken.

this a flaw i own,
i'll try to disown.
and days go by,
and people cry,
i'll remember,
that i can't fix,
something,
that was never broke.

Sonador101 · Jun 7, 2008, 07:54 PM

what do you think of it?

msbug · Jun 8, 2008, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonador101

a flaw i own,
inside of me,
i try to fix,
all that i see.

people making,
bad mistakes,
people doing wrong,

i try to make them right,
i try to make them strong.

but it usually ends,
in another awful mess.
this is i flaw i own,
again i'll try to address,
sometimes i help them,
and they thank me dear,
but i can't seem to help,
but to fix all near.

sometimes i see,
something not like me,
and wrongly assume,
that its a mistake,
and genuine but fake.
when really theres nothing,
wrong with it,
but that i forget.

and i try to fix it anyway,
and people get madder,
and people get sadder,
as fix,
whats broken.
and shouldn't be spoken.

this a flaw i own,
i'll try to disown.
and days go by,
and people cry,
i'll remember,
that i can't fix,
something,
that was never broke.

Wow! I really enjoyed reading this. It truly feels like it hits home base with me.

Sonador101 · Jun 8, 2008, 08:33 AM

clough, you asked me to elaberate, what i meant in "another awful mess" well usually people get mad at me, and stop talking to me, and i get mad at them for not listening to me, yeah thats about it.
by the way thanks for the advice about stanza, i usually don't remember to do that, but it really made it easier to read.

Sonador101 · Jun 9, 2008, 04:32 AM

"wow that really makes sense, the whole "The best mirror is a friend's eye." its pretty cool, and accurate.

kiki_doki · Jun 10, 2008, 01:13 PM

I also enjoyed reading this, it was very deep and flowed fantastically.(",)

jrebel7 · Jun 13, 2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonador101

a flaw i own,
inside of me,
i try to fix,
all that i see.

people making bad mistakes,
people doing wrong,
i try to make them right,
i try to make them strong.

but it usually ends,
in another awful mess.
this is i flaw i own,
again i'll try to address,

sometimes i help them,
and they thank me dear,
but i can't seem to help,
but to fix all near.

sometimes i see,
something not like me,
and wrongly assume,
that its a mistake,
and genuine but fake.

when really
there's nothing,
wrong with it,
but that i forget.

and i try to fix it anyway,
and people get madder,
and people get sadder,
as fix, whats broken.
and shouldn't be spoken.

this a flaw i own,
i'll try to disown.
and days go by,
and people cry,

i'll remember,
that i can't fix,
something,
that was never broke.

Introspective and thought provoking! I really enjoyed the read!

If you look above, you will see that I separated a few lines and combined a few for the flow but when one writes from the heart, sometimes an adjustment that I did, just doesn't feel the same to the author so you should have it the way you feel good about it. I did it just as a suggestion. When I write, I know what I want to convey and I don't always hold to the accepted forms but write it as I feel it. I am published but my main art is pencil drawing. I probably enjoy poems most because poems, generally I find create a mood as does music and most poems can be set to music because of the rhythm. Really speaks to my heart! Please share more!



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