I work with a woman I consider my friend. We meet occasionally outside of work and she is a good person.

However, she does have a temper and its becoming harder and harder to balance work with the added drama.

My friend has trouble with a very immature supervisor. She has daily complaints that are serious (affect business) and others that are silly, like rude comments being made in her direction.

I've counseled her to speak with our Manager regarding the issues that affect the business. (I report directly to the manager, as my friend's supervisor does)
This has been successful, resulting in punishment of the offender, while my friend was never revealed as the person who told.

Its now spiraling out of control during our work day. My friend emails me dozens of times a day (even on her day off while I'm at work) and wants me to make time for her (daily) to talk about her work issues. She's also gotten quiet liberal with going to the manager over each situation that bothers her. So far, our manager has encouraged her to be open, so my friend continues to be just that. But once she leaves the office, she wants me to verify if what she said was okay.... she second guesses herself, etc. She even tried getting ME to go into our Manager's office to tell her, "Forget what Ellen said earlier." (Ellen said something to the manager earlier, she now regrets. She's already been to her twice today to complain about issues) Of course, I didn't do that for her.

I need to step back from the situation, while retaining our friendship. Ellen is not a bad person, but she's insecure and reactionary. I'm always having to calm her down and/or reassure her. I'm starting to suspect she's blaming me for "talking her into" speaking with management and her husband is not happy either.

Any tips on how to handle this? I've lost my temper a few times with her and it only caused her to pout and it starts up again the next day.

Thanks for reading this marathon post.

justcurious55

hm. i have a feeling that if you step back from this situation she'll see that as the end of the friendship. since you mentioned she even emails you on her days off and is constantly coming to you, i have to wonder if she realizes that there's lines between a friendship and a business relationship. maybe you can sit down with her and set some boundaries and guidelines for her. maybe something along the lines of keeping work stuff at work (at least you can still hope to have fun together outside of work and hopefully on her days off she'll enjoy the day off rather than worry about work.) and help her determine when it's appropriate to talk to the manager (numerous times throughout the day shouldn't be necessary if she's taking the time to think about her complaints, think them through, and determine if it's something she really needs management to get involved in.) just be careful with how you word things with her. i suspect she could easily take it the wrong way if you don't.

N0help4u

1. Try telling her that it must be okay because the manager hasn't blamed her for any of this. Maybe telling the manager isn't worth it anyway because it doesn't look like the manager is doing a very good job dealing with the problems the superviser is causing anyway.

2. Tell her you have been listening to her because you know she needs somebody to vent to but your policy is to keep work and your life away from work separate. You really can't deal with work talk outside of work but she is free to still spend time with you and talk about anything else non work related.

LearningAsIGo

Thank you, NOhelp4u.

My major issue is that she's taking my time AT work to talk about these things. Its distracting me from my job (and hers).

Today, for instance, she emailed me 32 times (before I lost count) and asked me to "go for a walk" so she could calm down twice. When I refused, she came into my office and tried to spill her guts until my office mate came back from the bathroom.

N0help4u

You need to tell her that you don't want to jeopordize your job by having these 'breaks'