we are a group of 7 people including me and my manager. Whenever any 3 of us go out, they satrt talking and commenting about the rest of the people. If A,B,C,D,E are my collegaues. A,B comment C, in his absense . A,B,C comment my manager. Today, D,E and my manager started commenting the rest. I still do not undersand why these people do not have ethics. They don't take a side. For them nothing is right and everything is wrong. They are very rude. I am 15 years younger to them, I am very polite and mind my work.But they want me(even my manager says so) to be an . they say you need to be an to excel in any field.They laugh at other people's personal problems. If you ask them if they would come down to the cafeteria downstairs to grab something they would say "no- I have work you go ahead" and then i would see him down with some other person. Is this hows all work places are. This disturbs me alot.

N0help4u

No I think your best bet is look for another job.
They are never going to change and you will always be an outsider if you do not stoop to their tactics.

JBeaucaire

You could also let work be work and keep your desire for meaningful friendship outside of work. Clearly these people are too uncouth for you and you should only let people into your "friend" circle that actually enhance your life.

Just because you work with them doesn't mean you have to spend any time with them on any issue other than work.

Nor do you need to forfeit your job. But I think LOOKING for other places of employment is ALWAYS a good idea since you frequently advance financially must faster when changing employers than you do with raises at a single employer.

So leave if you can find a better situation, I wouldn't recommend leaving over these people's gossipping nor for a job that is just the same financially, you lose your tenure. If you can land a better paying job...go for it and good riddance to these folks.

talaniman

Its a good idea to keep work, and home separate. There will always be jerks and gossips, at work, but your personal life, is your own choice. Get along to do your job, but who you choose as a friend, is your choice. When you leave work, leave it all there, and never take what goes on in your personal life, to work with you.

peggyhill

That's a tough situation to be in. Do your best to ignore them being gossips. It sounds to me like you don't work with very nice people. It isn't like that at every job, but it's like that at far too many. I agree with the others about keeping work and personal life separate. If these people make fun of people's personal lives, don't give them any info. about yours. Keep your chin up and don't pay attention to how petty they are.

If it gets to where it's making you miserable, look for another job. Just make sure you find a really good one first. I left a really good job once because of mean people like that, and I always regretted that I left before I found something else as good. Contrary to what these people tell you, you don't have to be a jerk to succeed in the workplace. Most places would be glad to have a worker who is nice, minds their own business, and works hard like you. Sounds to me like you are the good worker there and the rest are stuck acting like they are in high school! Keep on doing what you're doing and good for you for not getting involved in all the gossip.

Fr_Chuck

And of course when you are not there, I am sure they talk about you.
Sounds like about 1/2 of the places I have worked most of my life,
You either ignore them, don't go out with them, or leave, there is really nothing you are going to do, to change them.

JBeaucaire

Hehe, gossips can be fun, too. You see, you don't have to protect them from their own behavior, either. Along with not putting up with gossip when they're around you, you can out them when opportunity arises.

For instance if they gossip near you about someone walking near, call that person over to the group gossipping and ask them, "A & B here said you blank. Is that true?" Then have nothing more to say about it.

Or, if A & B are gossipping about C and stop when C walks up. You say to C, "A & B were just telling me how you _______ and _______. Wow, interesting discussion." Then walk away.

This can be fun. A few well timed "outings" and you should find that the gossip AROUND you drops to pretty much zero. Problem solved.

And yes, they will continue to gossip, and about you as well, but at least you won't have to listen to it anymore. Score!