I have a problem, that I know I simply should drop, but it hurts me a lot that I could have made such a bad thing to someone. I really need to know, if there is some chance for this man to ever forgive me.

My first relationship I was forbidden, and I had it with my lecturer second year at university.
I was very conservative, virgin (which I technically remained, but not really) and after his flirting during the lectures, I really fell inlove with him.

As fast as the course ended, he started to invite me out, I though we were going to have a relationship, "I would never have anything serious with you HAHAHA not a chance!", so we only had an affair (he is this type of guy) we continued meeting a while, then stopped, he humiliated me a very lot as a student (about how bad I was, and started to interfer with my other courses), I lost motivation, then I got another boyfriend, he started writing to me again, I started to panique, the teacher also harrassed a female student sexually, I got even more hurt by that (I always though he had bad conscience because of me, but apparently not), etc-etc, well this guy was not the kind of lecturer one should have.

I got into a very deep panique when I had my boyfriend in Canada, and this man wanted to meet me again, he liked me, and suddenly got serious. I really felt so tempted, that I could not think of anything than this problem, who should I chose? I knew the asnwer-- the "good" boy, and not hurt him, but the panique did that I needed to talk to someone. I haven't passed a single course on the department since I had an affair with him, and everything was going to hell. For this we have certain persons to talk to at the faculty, in case any student just needs to talk...

This person unfortunately called the chairman of the department, I was called in to confirm, they were completely shocked, and told my ex and exlecturer, to never again have affairs with students due to ethics. They also told him never again to contact me.

I suffer so much...I know he was very mean, but I didn't want to sell him this way.
I know he abused his academical position, but still, now when he sees me, instead of smiling and waving, he turns away, takes circles just to avoid me. I have really betrayed him. And since he has no right to contact me, this I guess, also goes the other way around.

And I miss him so, so much...

Is there some way for me to do, so that he instead of hating me, simply somehow could forgive me for this? I cannot contact him...I really didn't want this conflict...

N0help4u

You did not betray him...he betrayed you. You don't owe him anything.
Avoid him!
Don't feel bad....he created his own problem and quit possibly there were many other girls you have no idea of....AND you most probably did some/(many) girls a favor--past & future!

Wondergirl

NO! HE did a bad thing to you!

Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be victimized.