[Bradw04]

So I was with this girl for 2 years... The first 3 months we started dating she cheated on me with one of my friends, I din't care cause I had no feelings for her then.. But she did for me.. She spent the next year and a half trying to prove to me that she wanted me in her life. Bought me things for no reason, did absoutly everything for me and I didn't care. Something about when someone cheats on me I wouldn't let it go... I treated her like crap for that entire time she still kept hanging on to me, still kept trying to prove herself to me... Tried to get me to open up an let her in.. I never led her on, I always told her straight up how I felt and I didn't think we would go anywhere and that I couldn't see us being together... Still she kept holding on to me and putting up with my crap...
It wasn't all bad sometimes I took her out we had a lot of fun together.. We became eachother's best friends.. But I still couldn't see anything there with us.. I spent a year trying to get rid of her, an I finally did about 2 months ago... 2 weeks later I was feeling just fine like I never did before.. It felt good not having someone cling to me an call all the time and me always having to watch my back if I talked to other girls.. Then on night I seen her at a bar... She looked great like always but that night I finally noticed it.. Then I noticed she wasn't paying any attention to me.. She acted like she was over it... Later that night I called her an went to talk to her, told her I had to tell her something.. I realized that night that she finally grew on me.. I do care for her.. I do love her.. I told her I realized I want now what she's always wanted with me.. I apologized for the way I treated her, she didn't deserve it... I confessed to all my friends that didn't like her how I felt.. And to her friends as well.. They all could not believe that I finally came around..
I've never bought this girl anything before.. never got her flowers... Nothing.. The next day I had a dozen roses delievered to her at work.. Her friend told me she broke down crying... She couldn't understand why I chose now to come out with this.. She started seeing someone else a week before and she thought I was over her an she was trying to move on.. She's really confused... She won't tell me she wants to be with me but she won't tell me that we're done either.. I know she still has deep emotions for me an I've tried everything to get her back so I can make her feel how she's always wanted.. I know that this girl is the one.. I've never met anyone that could take all I put her through an still stick by my side.. I just don't know what to do at this point and I'm reaching out to anything that can help..
I know she needs some time to think... It's been 3 weeks now since I told her that and she still can't say what she wants one way or another.. I've tried giving her space an not talking to her but she just keeps calling me an texting.. So what does she want?
I know it may seem like I think I had something easy an someone who was obsessed with me an I just want that back to feel better about myself.. But I assure you that is not the case.. I really do care for this girl, I really do love this girl... I know in my heart she's the one for me.. I'm just so disgusted with myself it took me 2 years to realize this... Any advise anyone could give me I would appreciate it... Thanks

[chuff]

OHHHHHH, this feels so right. Brad, step back…hold the chair….grab a red bull…tell the kids…….AFTER ONE YEAR somebody is getting Chuffed and that somebody is you! Now that I'm done...

My advice to you is treat her like crap.

That doesn’t make any sense now but follow me on your own journey………..

So I was with this girl for 2 years... The first 3 months we started dating she cheated on me with one of my friends,

So she also didn’t care about you. But your response was interesting…….

I din't care cause i had no feelings for her then..

I read this whole thing differently than you do. She slept with your friend to get a reaction out of you. She may have been looking for a fight, sympathy, or just some drama. Whatever it was, when you didn’t provide it you created something women love. The challenge and the drive to “get the guy.”

But she did for me.. She spent the next year and a half trying to prove to me that she wanted me in her life.

She spent a year and half trying to get the unattainable.

Bought me things for no reason, did absoutly everything for me and i didn't care.

Do you see what she responds to? You do nothing and that drives her even further.

Something about when someone cheats on me i wouldn't let it go...

Nor should you, she’s a cheater. If she wanted somebody else….especially after 3 months then she should have moved on.

I treated her like crap for that entire time she still kept hanging on to me,

Hey that was my recommendation for these results.

still kept trying to prove herself to me... Tried to get me to open up an let her in.. I never led her on, I always told her straight up how i felt and i didn't think we would go anywhere and that i couldn't see us being together... Still she kept holding on to me and putting up with my crap...

You call it put up with your crap, I call it her trying to overcome this challenge and get the unattainable.

It wasn't all bad sometimes i took her out we had alot of fun together.. We became eachother's best friends.. But i still couldn't see anything there with us.. I spent a year trying to get rid of her, an i finally did about 2 months ago... 2 weeks later i was feeling just fine like i never did before.. It felt good not having someone cling to me an call all the time and me always having to watch my back if i talked to other girls.. Then on night I seen her at a bar... She looked great like always but that night i finally noticed it.. Then I noticed she wasn't paying any attention to me.. She acted like she was over it...

She may have been, or she may have been playing her ace card. Over time lure you and then turn the emotions around on you. I’m not sure but I can tell you this was the exact moment you gave her your power.

Later that night i called her an went to talk to her, told her i had to tell her something.. I realized that night that she finally grew on me.. I do care for her.. I do love her.. I told her I realized i want now what she's always wanted with me.. I apologized for the way i treated her, she didn't deserve it... I confessed to all my friends that didn't like her how i felt.. And to her friends as well.. They all could not believe that i finally came around..

Then you fell even deeper. Now she had the power and was controlling your emotions. Her challenge was gone.

I've never bought this girl anything before.. never got her flowers... Nothing.. The next day i had a dozen roses delievered to her at work..

Slowly……rather quickly you have gone from unattainable to desperate.

Her friend told me she broke down crying... She couldn't understand why i chose now to come out with this.. She started seeing someone else a week before and she thought i was over her an she was trying to move on.. She's really confused...

I don’t believe it. She cheated on you, so if she was truly interested she’d dump this guy she’s been dating for a couple of days to come running back.

She won't tell me she wants to be with me but she won't tell me that we're done either.. I know she still has deep emotions

I don’t think she does. I think she knows that she can lead you to believe she has deep emotions but is “confused” and you will keep trying which will give her plenty of attention and gifts and play into her desire for drama.

for me an i've tried everything to get her back so i can make her feel how she's always wanted..

…and funny now that you are giving her everything she “wanted” how nothing has worked. She’s not feeling it anymore, because how she always wanted to feel was like the girl who could keep the challenge going. Once the challenge is gone so are you.

I know that this girl is the one.. I've never met anyone that could take all i put her through an still stick by my side.. I just don't know what to do at this point and i'm reaching out to anything that can help..

Well take my advice. Notice what worked and what isn’t. She responds to a guy that is NOT into her and drives her to get him. Right now you are easy, attainable, and available, which is exactly the opposite of what kept her going for almost 2 years.

I know she needs some time to think...

She needs no time to think, she knows exactly what she’s doing. You are the one confused.

It's been 3 weeks now since i told her that and she still can't say what she wants one way or another..

Because if she tells you, then it’s over. If she tells you she’s not interested she doesn’t get free gifts. She doesn’t get attention and she doesn’t have a backup plan should the new guy dump her on her butt.

I've tried giving her space an not talking to her but she just keeps calling me an texting.. So what does she want?

See above. Stop talking and texting her back.

I know it may seem like i think i had something easy an someone who was obsessed with me an i just want that back to feel better about myself.. But i assure u that is not the case.. i really do care for this girl, I really do love this girl... I know in my heart she's the one for me.. I'm just so disgusted with myself it took me 2 years to realize this... Any advise anyone could give me i would appreciate it... Thanks

Pull back, stay away and take your power back. This whole thing is flipped around and is not at all what she responds to. Quit talking to her and make yourself a challenge once again.

[liz28]

I am confused, correct me if I wrong you stated while your was dating she cheating on you and then I guess it did matter because you don't like cheaters and you let it been know all the while you was trying to prove how much of a good girl she is? If so that will impact on your connection with her because of what she did and at the time it told you about her character.

[talaniman]

Originally Posted by Bradw04
It's been 3 weeks now since i told her that and she still can't say what she wants one way or another..

Chuff's response,

Because if she tells you, then it's over. If she tells you she's not interested she doesn't get free gifts. She doesn't get attention and she doesn't have a backup plan should the new guy dump her on her butt.

I thought the same thing as I read your post, and have to agree, she has turned the tide and gotten your attention, by merely backing off, and your reaction was all she wanted. Back off, and leave her alone. Stop all the contact. Get healthy, and review yourself in an honest way. This relationship has shown no sign of being happy or healthy, so what drives it forward? What is it built on?
Communication?
Compatibility?
Fun?
LOVE?
Loyalty?
Sincerity?
HONESTY?
You tell me.

[thegreatestviz]

Well its an interesting case..
Girl cheats on guy first
Girl tries to make up for her mistake
Guy ignores her
Girl feels upset and unhappy
Guy doesn't realise all this and ignores
Girl thinks guy has gotten over it and goes for someone else
Guy realises his mistakes
Guy wants her back.

See practically there are two options-
Either confess her you can't live without her
Or
Look at the brighter side... you should move on

But in your scenario it seems you wouldn't prefer the latter one.

Though if you move on maybe there are better girls out there who are more dedicated and reliable.

Well its your fault too that you ignored her for quite sometime
Take it as a way she is doing the same to you and you have no choice execept to move on ar to humble and grace fully make her understand of the fact that you will be there for her.
Whatever you decide make sure you stick to it..
Best of luck
Viz