[SNW23]

Hi everybody. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months now and found ourselves falling in love with each other just 3 months into the relationship. We are both in our 2nd year of uni at oppostie sides of the country and both have very demanding courses. When we're both at home during the holidays (she lives about 20 minutes away) we have the most fantastic time together. We have an amazing chemistry with each other and we make each other so happy.

However when we visit each other at uni (about once a fortnight) there is a weird awkwardness between each other and the weekend always seems a bit of an anti climax. We just don't "click". But when we were both home at xmas, it went back to how it was in the summer with these huge emotions bewtween each other and it felt brilliant. We've talked about these feelings both at home and university and just come to accept it.

Since returning back to uni this term, I've noticed she's become a lot more cold than she used to. We would often message each other 5-10 times a day and then it was more like once a day. I asked her about it last week and she says she's very confused with life atm and what she wants from it and that she wants us to have "space" despite not seeing her in over 3 weeks anyway. She doesn't say I love you anymore but says she cares for me an awful lot. She's buried under work at the moment and her friends tell me how she's stressing about it all.

Is this a problem with us or the environment she's in? We spoke on the phone lastnite and had a really fun chat and we were teasing each other like we used to. Atm I'm not texting or calling her. Is this a phase that will pass or is there something more to it? I love her more than anything and just want to get things back to normal.

Any thoughts anybody?

[tttg]

SNW23,
I feel your pain , having gone through a "break" for over 2 months after being with my girl for a long time(years), that has recently cleared up for the better.I think you need to ask her up front what her plans are and if she sees you in her future .She is at a point where she is confused ,have you asked her what she is confused about ? Do you think there may be someone else in the picture ? Not a good thought I know but I'm sure that it has gone through your head as well . Women want to be talked to , so talk, and be honest and mature about your thoughts tell her how you feel , and where you want your relationship to go . She will appreciate you for that . Im not sure how old you are but it sounds like you really care for her . Have flowers sent to her when you are apart and she will think even more about everything . Also try an old fashion letter in the mail when you are apart ,sometimes technology isn't always the best.. Good luck my friend.

[Skell]

Lots of things going one here.

First of all you can't fall in love with someone after 3 months. That is lust, smitten! You can develop feelings and certainly enjoy each others company but to say it is love is a bit premature. It takes time and lots of work to build that trust and openness that is required for strong love!
Sorry, but you weren't in love with one another after a couple of months!

Secondly, long distance relationships are very very hard to maintain. Near on impossible. We see it here so often. There are so many reasons. Not just the lack of seeing one another but also the lack of opportunity for open and honest face to face conversation that all couple need. You just don't get that on the phone or in text messages. So the LDR is another ed flag here really.

And you say when you do see each other there is a lack of spark. Well there is another problem really. Ive never had a LDR but I would think that if I did, I would be jumping out my skin to see the other persona and when we were together it would be the highlight of my month (or how often we seen each other). I wouldn't find it awkward and if I did then I would think something is seriously wrong!

And I have experienced these other attributes you talk of here myself. The other person beginning to pull away and telling you that she is confused about life. I had a girlfriend of 7 years say that to me not too long ago.

I'm sorry to say mate that I think this is over, and has been over for some time but neither of you are willing / brave enough to accept it!

I don't mean to be hurtful or rude but it doesn't really sound like much of a relationship does it? If you read what you have written to us it is hard for anyone to say that is healthy and going well. It is hard to say that is worth even pursuing!

I know it is hard and I feel your pain, but I honestly think that you have to really accept that this thing is pretty much over. A break is a break up. That's what she is trying to do here. She is breaking up with you but is finding it hard to do. Mainly for her guilt and because she feels sorry for you. She is sorry because she know it will hurt you.

That's not fair on you though. You deserve the truth and have a right to get it!

You will just have to strike this one up for experience and learn the many lessons out of it, dust yourself off, feel the pain for a while and then go again! And be thankful that you only invested 8 months into it, and not 8 years!

It will be tough for a little while but if you stick around here there a tons of great people who will help you through it all the way!

Good luck and please stick around!

[march357]

Hi- I do believe you can fall in love in 3 months or even less sometimes. But the biggest issue seems to be the distance between you two. I don't think you can "build" a relationship from a long distance. It's hard enough to maintain when you're already committed to each other and THEN have to be separated by distance. It's tough. I tried the first. Like you, my boyfriend of the time and I were great together. He had moved out of state just before we met so we dated long distance. At first it seemed romantic and fun. Then it just slowly broke apart. You really need to be in each others life day to day. And not just by phone or email. Relationships are difficult enough when you are together.
It sounds like your girlfriend is feeling the gap between you. It would explain the awkwardness your both feeling. Have a conversation with her and suggest for now that you remain friends and keep in touch via mail etc(if you wish) I believe if it's meant to be down the line it will happen. Choices in life like this are never easy. But then who said life would be easy? :) Just know you aren't the first to go through this and won't be the last. Also, who knows? By ending this and getting on with your life, new doors may open for you and future relationships. Be strong and know this is easy compared to staying with her for the wrong reasons and getting hurt worse down the line. Best of luck!

[talaniman]

Its called growing up and finding yourself and realising how big the world is and how you fit into it. Long distance relationships are hard for mature experienced people to maintain so its even harder foryounger people and not something I would recommend.

[SNW23]

Hey - its not as if were that young - 21 and 20. I've been in a much longer previous relationship (about 18 months) so I know what love's all about and of course its possible to fall in love after 3 months (there are no rules or boundries to love - it is what it is, and you know when you are and when you arnt!)

The relationship is a very healthy one when we're back from uni at home. More than healthy - its fantastic. We are both very confident people and so we find that we don't always need to keep expressing our love to each other. Some relationships are like that and some arnt. The problem with the relationship is that there is no regularity to it. If we were at the same university there would be no problem but at this stage in the relationship and careers it is unwise to be moving or changing universities just to satisfy the relationship. I feel its just something were going to have to power through, and look forward to when we've finished our degrees and living back at home again permanently and we have the chance to make a proper go of it. I guess any such relationships will have its ups and downs and this is just one of those downs. We agreed when we started going out it was never going to be easy once we started university.

I've been talking to some of my (girl)friends and they agree that when they are buried under work and stress, some take comfort in being with their boyfriends and others find comfort trying to keep the relationship on a down-low for a while until the stress is relieved. I guess its just personal preference. I've got a brilliant life of my own so I'm not letting it upset me. Of course I am thinking about her a lot but now its her move so I just have to be patient.

Thanks for the feedback guys and girls! Keep it going...

[SNW23]

By the way - there is no one else in the picture, when talking to her last week she said of course there is no one else, she just thinks its all the changes and workload induced stress in her life that's made it feel this way at the moment. She says she's sorry for being like this and that she hopes it can get back to normal

[Skell]

Sounds like you have it all under control then.

Well done!

[xfallenangel666x]

When I'm stressed out, I always want to lean on my fiancé and know that he's there to help me through it. However, some girls handle stress in a different way. I'm in an LDR and I'm a college student, so I know the ropes (been in an LDR for a little over 7 months). Just hang in there and know that once the stress is gone, things should pan out for the better. Keep your head up!