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I am 39 years old and have a very hard time having an orgasm. I can only "masturbate" to achieve one and even that is in an "odd" way where I can't really touch my clitoreous directly but only indirectly. I was abused as a child at 13 and I Know this has something to do with it as my husband is a great lover, patient, and understands my problem, but given the trauma it has to be a mental block. I am and have seen a physiatrist.
I get the most arroused when my husband touches my G spot but when he directly touches my clitoreous it is too much and i get over stimulated. Any one else with this problem and any suggestions? I am very petite and my is very small in fact i asked my gynecologist if i even had one and she verified that i did it is just very small but appeared normal.
It gets frustrating because i love my husband and our lovemaking is more enjoyable for both when I can get excited. I also take 60 milligrams of prozac.
Okay, One thing is it is common for women to only get orgasms when they masterbate or there partner touches you. It is very common for a women not to reach orgasm when having intercourse. So it is not really a problem. Your NORMAL.
By the way, it can happen and when it does it will be an amazing experiance but it takes relaxation on your part. The more relaxed you are the better chanches of achieving orgasm during intercourse. It takes a combo, finger play, a little tongue and well you get the idea.
Joe, I agree it is normal. But my problem is that i have not had an orasim in over a year. The only way I can achieve one is by masterbating. My husband and I have tried every thing but i can't have one no mater what combination method he uses. I really think it has more to do with me being abused sexually between 13-15 by my teacher as my mind just won't let me due to the abuse. I am seeking progessional help to understand the abuse and its effects and my husband has not given up so who knows. I still love the itimacy sex brings us so I am greatful for this I just want my husband to enjoy our lovemaking more if ne knows i at least have a chance to have an orgasim.
Thanks, Lenee
Lenee, Orgasm is only a part of intimacy. Not the most important part. It sounds as if your husband is very understanding, loving and patient. That is obvously why you two are made for each other and are very strong with each other. In my own personal experiance, because my wife and I were our first time together. HMMM Little Red Faced Here. It took practise.
We thought something was wrong. At times we were both getting frustrated because she was not getting the orgasm. I thought I was doing something wrong. It did take a while and eventually after RELAXING. Eventually after stop trying so hard. Guess what, relaxing came and then everything else came with it.
I understand you were abused at a certain age. There are a lot of people who are abused around that age. Not only girls, but guys are abused as well.
It may take time to come to terms with what happened. To work through the past experiances but once you get those worked through. Once you do feel comfortable enough and relaxed enough it will come in time.
It takes love and patience on both sides of things and I will tell you for sure that everything will work out and it will be worth all the wait. What you need to know is the past is the past. Living for today is inportant. You need to let go of the past experiances. I know it is easy to say, but it can be done.
Like I said before both of you enjoy each other, both of you are intimate. That is what is important. Many people set such an importance of the orgasm but when you realize that you do not have to have an orgasm in order to have good intimacy with your partner. Once you realize this and relax it will come naturally.
What I like about you two as couple is that you are still working on it.....Don't ever gve up.
I am really sorry that, that had happened to you, and I am glad you have found an amazing husband who can be so calm and patient. I also agree, If you focus on the problem then you loose the moment and since so much of the femal orgasm is about the moment, if you loose the moment you loose the oragasm.
With myself, I can be stimilated the same way one day have an awesome oragasm and another day nothing, so I am firm in beleife that it is about the mental state.
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