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jenny03 · Feb 12, 2007, 05:56 AM

I saw my boyfriend having sex with another women in my car. He was drunk and don't remember what happened. Before this we were the perfect couple and he loved the ground I walked on. He said he is sorry for what he has done and he hates himself and will do anything for another chance. He has got rid of the car and got me a new one. What shall I do? He has never done anything like this before should I give him a second chance?

:( I never thought it would hurt this much

Krs · Feb 12, 2007, 06:20 AM

How demeaning of him... yukkkk... its even sicker when someone uses the excuse that he was so drunk to me it makes it 10 times worse...

Can u trust him again?

Of course it hurts, and it will hurt again if he does it again!

Nosnosna · Feb 12, 2007, 06:25 AM

Alcohol doesn't make you do anything. Ever, at all. All it does is give you an excuse (and yes, it's an excuse, not a reason) for doing the things you have some desire to do but know you shouldn't.

I don't know how long you've been dating or how serious it was... that has a bearing on whether you should give him a second chance. I'd be hesitant regardless, but there are a number of issues to consider. No matter what, though, one condition needs to be that he give up alcohol. It's normal to be tempted, but to drink to the point of losing control and blacking out is a serious warning sign that he needs to reevaluate that part of his life before dealing with anything.

Sentra · Feb 12, 2007, 06:35 AM

Brand new car: a few grand
Amount of alcohol it takes to get drunk: A few bucks
Emotional energy spent watching a man break a woman's trust: Priceless

It's still wrong, sweetie. A new car? Hey great, he's got the money to spoil you. But no dollar amount can make up for what he did. He can start his 'sorry' by not drinking anymore; look at what it 'made' him do. If he doesn't quit, then its liable to happen again, because he obviously can't control himself.

ordinaryguy · Feb 12, 2007, 06:40 AM

Well, it definitely calls into question his character and the depth of his commitment to your relationship. In my book, you'd be well advised to end it right now and not look back, but if you must try to salvage it, go VERY slow and reestablish trust between you a little at a time over the course of several months. If he can't handle that, then there's your answer.

wap · Feb 12, 2007, 07:54 AM

I am all for forgiving people, but in the case I would 'kick him to the kerb' as the americans say.

talaniman · Feb 12, 2007, 08:08 AM

Like every one else, I would make not drinking a condition for this relationship and wouldn't let him back until he has proven with time he is sober. Unless he addresses this problem with positive action there is no telling what he will do next. He will do something next if he continues to drink.

SBowman · Feb 17, 2007, 11:13 PM

No, he is scum. That is my opinion, and people will probably call me a jerk for being straightforward.

Xochipilli · Feb 17, 2007, 11:29 PM

The beam in thine own eye...

The guy's got a problem. First see if he's willing to face and solve that problem. If you care about a person, you help them grow -- if they are willing to grow. Otherwise, finish it. It will be better for both of you then. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. I've learned the hard way...

LBP · Feb 17, 2007, 11:45 PM

Drunk arguments are one thing, drunk sex is quite another - sounds like a cheater, to the core! If you want to work through it, give it a shot, but remember that people who cheat are not likely to change unless they have a major personal moment that reveals to them that selfishness is not a successsful way to live life.

You yelling at them will not accomplish this moment.

magnewna · Feb 19, 2007, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by jenny03

I saw my boyfriend having sex with another women in my car. he was drunk and dont remember what happened. before this we were the perfect couple and he loved the ground i walked on. he said he is sorry for what he has done and he hates himself and will do anything for another chance. he has got rid of the car and got me a new one. what shall i do? he has never done anything like this before should i give him a second chance?

:( i never thought it would hurt this much

Trust is the most fragile part of any relationship, and I just recently broke up with my boyfriend, because for over 6 months we tried to work on our relationship and regaining the trust. Unfortantly that uncetainity and the topic is always lingering in the back of your mind.

I would say as sadely as it is... It is best to walk away.

My motto is time heals all wounds and maybe being friends and regain that that trust starting fresh after the pain of breaking up ends.

That is just my two cents

Hazel1220 · Oct 3, 2008, 04:52 PM

Unless you feel that you can fully get over this and trust him and love him100% again, I would dump him. You cannot have a fullfilling relationship with a seed of doubt and distrust in your mind. It is not fair to you . Personally I think life is too short and there are some things that you shouldce not put up with. No relationship is going to be the same or as happy after someone cheats. Think about the happiness you deserve.