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losingit77 · May 12, 2008, 09:23 AM

So, yeah after ignoring the phone calls from my ex of 4 years (2 months broken up) this weekend, he called again last night and succumbed (curiosity killed the cat) and answered.

So basically, he was just asking how I'm doing, what's new, he misses me a lot, thinks about me all the time, he can't bring himself to tell people that we broke up, he still loves me, cares about me... but then reiterates AGAIN that he just wanted our relationship to be over. He kept saying he didn't want me out of his life, he just wanted the relationship to end. I was calm and cool and just told him that I didn't want to speak to him anymore and he should stop calling me. He was like, "I'm not going to stalk you but this isn't the last time I'm gonna call you. I'll try to wait a really long time, what I think is a really long time, but I'm gonna call. I want to know what's going on in your life." I said, whatever I don't want to keep rehashing the breakup, I got to go and hung up the phone. Then I lose it with anger, sent him a text that basically just said "I hate you. Don't EVER call me again. How many times can you keep breaking someone's heart? You're a worthless piece of sh*t!"

I'm okay now but the anger and hatred I now feel inside of me is unbelievable! I know after a couple of weeks of NC, I'll start to feel better again, it just sucks. I'm not even sad, just so angry and really really hate him now. Never felt like that about someone before.

I guess, no real question here. Just hope one day I'll get over this anger/hatred. But as god is my witness, I will not spend one more second of my life having any contact with that stupid, immature, selfish, piece of crap. Thanks!

Romefalls19 · May 12, 2008, 09:32 AM

Finally! You have now reached the point in the break up where you get serious about NC. You had the NC for the obvious reason of getting him back. Now you have seen him for who he truly is and it made you pis*ed! You're more angry at yourself for seeing somebody with that low of character, so now you're going NC for the right reasons. To heal, better yourself and become everything you have wanted to be.

While you think you took a step backwards, you didn't. You took a step in the right direction and now NC will stick. Start counting the days now

plonak · May 12, 2008, 09:44 AM

This guy is obviously hurting too that he broke it off, and it's very selfish that he wants to know what's going on in your life, it's for his needs.. I say kudos to you for telling him how you felt, good for you.. it's time for the healing..

losingit77 · May 12, 2008, 09:45 AM

Thanks, Rome! Your absolutely right. I've been going along with NC and doing fine cause in the back of my head I KNEW he was going to be contacting me. So it was easy.

Now it'll be easy, cause I really really hate him. Sure he tried to be nice on the phone, but what he doesn't realize is he's just being selfish. He's using me to make the breakup easier on him and I'm not going to let that happen cause all it does is make it harder for me.

I'm seriously considering get my phone #s changed so I don't have to deal with it ever again. I'm going to get on that this week so then there's no doubt that I'm ready to move on with the rest of my life and put this loser behind me.

spion_kop · May 12, 2008, 10:03 AM

It's all good that you're going NC but try not to hate him. It can do you more harm than good and can be very unhealthy. Put him out of your life and let yourself know that you'll find someone better than him because if someone really loved you and cared, they wouldn't do this to you.
Be strong!

plonak · May 12, 2008, 10:17 AM

Spion_kop I understand what you're saying, but she's going through some new emotions now, and this "hate" is helping her move forward and cope.. in the long run, yes it's not good to hate, and she will probably get over the hatred, but this is just her way of healing, she's moving through the grieving process very healthly, she's in the anger stage..

Losingit77: don't feel bad about your anger this is a healthy stage, and focus on it, and use the anger for it's pluses (adreneline rush), excersice, clean your house, paint, anything.. revel on this new found emotion!

spion_kop · May 12, 2008, 10:20 AM

Sorry if it came out that way. If it helps you to move on then by all means. That was just my way of seeing things.

chuff · May 12, 2008, 10:27 AM

You know what's interesting about this latest contact is something I've noticed in a couple of break ups. Sometimes the NC is truly the hardest part and when it eventually breaks it crosses you over into a new line of healing. In other words as you said, yesterday morning it was curiosity and this morning it is hate. But that hate is now a driving force that will allow you to go further. You have all your questions answered, you now know what the result of breaking no contact is and it is temporary misery but at the same time a sort of inner peace because there is no more nagging, no more wondering what if I just speak one more time. You now know the answers and it will make this episode of NC easier to deal with.

talaniman · May 12, 2008, 10:43 AM

I have often wondered, why more people who get diumped, don't get angry and just disappear, but hang around for more BS.
Anger at an ex because of bad treatment is healthy, so Losingit, I'd say your turning a very important corner in your healing. You finally put yourself first, and the hell with him, and what he wants.

losingit77 · May 12, 2008, 10:43 AM

Yeah, I know I won't always be angry/hate... I'm just trying to use that right now to get through it. Figure it should help get through the next 90 days of NC and beyond.

It just sucks. He's telling me I can call him whenever I want, that he'll always be there for me, blah blah. He says "I understand it'll be easier for you not to talk to me for a long time, but I'm always going to be curious about what you're up to and how you're doing so I'm gonna call." Screw you!! My life is no longer any of your business!! What does he think I am? Some pathetic puppy dog that really needs to lean on HIM for support and friendship. He must have me confused with someone else! How could I ever love someone who'd make me feel this way!!

bigbird213 · May 12, 2008, 02:27 PM

Losingit,

When I broke up with my ex last year I hung on and tried to do NC for months. I didn't work because when she called I would answer. After a few months of this, I turned that same page your turning now. I got REALLY angry. Everything I did for the next few weeks was angry towards her. I thought of her when I was lifting, my music was angry, I probably drove faster too.

I'm telling you this because after that happened, I finally started to feel better. Myself confidence came back, I stopped checking my phone for calls, I didn't care to talk to her, I stopped crying and I started moving on.

Use the anger to help if you need, just don't get too caught up on it. Now, I think your headed for better times :)