Loose weight or loose my marriage!

I would imagine you are pretty stressed out. But now when you lose your weight, do it in a heathy way. You don't want to be sick. Keep us posted and you can pm me if you like.

It is sad that your husband thinks that way of you. But, if you want to lose weight, you can. Start eating smaller meals daily. But, you can't just start a diet and think you are going to lose weight. You have to discipline yourself. You need to work out as well. You should look into a physical trainer. My mother-in-law was overweight. She hired a physical trainer and I could tell she was losing some weight. Then, when she got down to the desired weight she quit eating healthy and quit working out. The weight came right back. It's about changing your whole lifestyle. You can do it. But, remember good results don't come right away. Maybe invite your husband to be your work-out buddy so he knows how hard you are trying to lose weight.

Kayte,

I'm very glad to hear that you had a talk with him and told him of your plans. If that doesn't shake him up to take notice of how thoughtless he is being nothing will. Homegirl made some excellent points - think about your child and yourself. She also made some very good suggestions - keep your plans to yourself. He may be afraid of losing you and try to keep you short of money. Stick to your plan, take charge of your own life and don't listen to his negativity. Instead take it as a sign of how things really are. If he loved you, he would be supportive and encouraging you with your plan to improve the quality of your life, both your lives in the long run. But he sounds anything but supportive. Who needs that kind of support?

Stay strong and stick around here and share your plans with us. Make sure he doesn't have your password to this site. Your not the only one who can do some snooping. Hopefully your chat has given him something to think about and he might get smart and see that the other man's grass may look greener...... But it's just as hard to cut! Take care. Hope to hear from you soon.

Caralyn thanks for the encouragment.You are right, he thinks I am getting these ideas from the internet and has threatened to stop paying for it.He took the television away 4 years ago.Its ok I guess, I have a radio now and listen to it all the time.plus there is so much to see on the internet, I don't see how anyone could have time for television anymore
I went to the college today and talked with one of the ladies there and she thinks I need to speak to a counselor or somehting in case he turns violent , I hadn't thought of that , he has never hit me before...
Anyway I don't think that is neccessary, I just want things to be good again, that's all.
All that abuse stuff is not happening to me, that happens to other people.not me.
He doesn't hit me , he just doesn't love me.
I got to go now
K

Sounds like a very abusive person. He took the television away 4 years ago and not is threatning to take the internet away, oh my!. This is bad. You need to speak to a counselor and you do need to get out of this relationship.

Kayte,

Marriage is a partnership. In this day and age people have two or three TVs, two cars etc. He's treating you like a child.... If you don't behave he'll take away your TV, computer etc. Unless you enjoy being treated like a child it's time to stand up to this man.

Whether you decide to stay or go........ Take back your life!

Imagine the messages you are sending to your child... That it is ok to treat people like this..... It's okay to be treated like this. You think you have a problem now.... Wait till your child is a teenager and starts treating you exactly like your husband does now.

The reality is that there is always some kind of payback. What are you getting out of this situation? What is the reason you let it go on? If I was in your place, I would either ask him to sit down and have a serious talk about making some changes OR tell him I want a trial separation. He would still be responsible for all yours and your child's financial needs. It might just be enough to give him the shake up he needs.

Loose weight or loose the marriage!? I say loose the marriage because it doesn't look that sound to me anyway. By the way, does your husband look like a god? Because he sure sounds like one.

Oh honey I applaud you. What you did is a lot easier said then done. You stood up to him when you really needed too. That is wonderful and says so much about how you feel about yourself. As for not getting a job. Phewy, you will be able to get a job, and it sounds like you are headed in the right direction to get the help you need with that. Talk to your financial aid office at the school you are looking at, they might be able to help you since your situation is so unique.

You are to strong of a woman, to special to be with a man that does not treat you right. Please keep us posted.

I have been a stay home mom and wife, all these years,my husband did not want me to get a job,but he gives me a small allowance every two weeks$75.00.

This way you depend on him for eveything.

I have been estranged from my family all this time, he really does not like for me to go anywhere or visit my family, they live 4 hours away, he says he does not want me driving by myself that far.

Again , you only have him no one else, this is just another form of control, of course you could not be alone with your family he would be afraid they would tell you he is not the perfect man.

Taking your t.v. Away and taking away the internet, is all forms of having control/abuse. He wants to keep you isolated. My guess is for whatever reasons he doesn't want you talking to the neighbors...If he thinks your serious about leaving he will start telling you he will take your child. Think about it it is not about your weight, this is all about him controlling everything you do. I would bet there are times he encourages you to eat or fix foods that he knows is very tempting for you. You should not have to walk on eggshells for anyone or behave in a certain manner.
Go to the library and find some books about domestic abuse, call a hotline, abuse is not just about hitting.

Hi Kayte,

After reading through all the posts and what you said, I agree that this is not an ideal picture.
Biblically speaking, for better or worse, where did that go ?
To top it off, he sounds abusive (mindgames) for mentioning that you can't make it and have no help. Manipulative for saying that he would do this and that, and setting rules about your weight.

Even if he's not cheating, I believe he exhibits some form of behavior that leads me to think he may be addicted to something, maybe p@rn. This would also explain why he wants you to lose weight and the comparing you to others. It may be why he's disgusted.

It sounds to me he doesn't want to lose you, based on the things you said you do (you sound like a good wife), however he wants things his way. Someone like this, you can't please, and I imagine that after a while he will only come up with new demands. Once you lose the weight, I wonder what he'd demand after that.

You being estranged from your family, and being so dependent on him, and him seeing you are getting resistant to his mold he wants to stick you in, threatening you to remove the internet tells me that he is really in a sense dependent on you.

My suggestion would be to quit telling him anything that you're going to do and simply act like a dumb wife, seemingly going along with his plan. This is to keep you safe.

The less you reveal, the safer you are. Just sit back and watch him for clues as to what he's really about. Snoop around the house a bit and see if he's hiding anything.

Sorry to hear your husband is such a fool. I've been there and had this kind of relationship.
You're better off getting yourself set up to make it on your own.

T.

I want to add, that this doesn't mean you have to separate or divorce right away, but more along the lines of prepare for the worst and pray for the best.