Why do people think its so wrong to get married young?

If getting married young is so wonderful, why are you being so defensive about it?

Hi, lady intan!

Wondergirl has made an excellent point above and I do hope that you return to address her question.

I would like to ask you a question also. Who are these people who're giving you these admonitions about getting married, please?

Thanks!

WOW! I would have to say that what everyone else has to say about your marriage has got your mind going. It almost seems like you are trying to talk yourself into this marriage. Maybe you weren't as sure as you thought you were and maybe you should sit down and honestly think a little harder about this before you do it. Not because of the age factor, but just because you don't seem to sure of your decision.

I think I get a sense of why some people might be saying things like this to you. You are seeing marriage as a fantasy world. A "Cinderella" with her "soul mate Prince Charming!" Yes, that feeling is wonderful. That is what is so great about young love! I'm sure you will not find one person here who hasn't had that experience, and it's one you'll never forget!

But, sorry to rain on your parade, and I'm sure you're going to disagree with every word I'm going to say. BUT, if you listen carefully, intead of dispelling everything I say, you may learn something that will help you in getting married at a young age. People aren't saying these things to you to be mean. People are saying them because they are true, and they are trying to help you to see the reality of it. You are not the first person to 100% believe and know in their heart of hearts, their soul of souls, that you are with the guy that you will love forever, and he will too because he's told you so.

The reality is, love isn't just that warm mushy gushy feeling that you have. Relationships take hard hard work. I can hear you right now saying to me, but we "love" each other, and both of us will do whatever it takes to make it work! Will you? The thing that everyone is trying to get across to you, it that you haven't got the life experience and yes, "maturity" under your belt, for your theory to stand on it's own.

You are doing great right now! I wouldn't want to take the "feeling" that you are having away from you. But as people mature, so does the way they both see things, and the way they act and react. That changes with age. It doesn't matter whether you stay married or not, it's just a fact of life.

I read carefully what you wrote, and it sounded just like the line from "Jerry McGuire"..."He completes me!" No one can "complete" you! They can "compliment" you, but only "you" can "complete" you!

I know you think right now that the way you feel will never ever change. The way he feels about you, will never ever change! That is romantic love. It is not day to day realistic love. The whole "soul mate" thing is a farce. It's a popular catch phrase.

The day will come when your "soul mate" decides that he is going to go off with his buddies, because he can no longer stand the sound of screaming babies and smelly diapers. Or the day that he needs to go out with his buddies just because he feels like it, and leaves you at home by yourself, and he doesn't come home until 5am. Or the day when he has to take on three jobs because you can't make the mortgage payment. Or the day when you get so angry with him because you've had a bad day at work, or with the kids, and he doesn't want to hear about it! Or the day that he comes home from a 16 hr day at work, and the house is a mess, and you are no longer greeting him at the door in lingerie, ready to give him all of your attention. Or the day when the bank repossesses your home and takes away your car, because you couldn't keep up with the payments. These are just a few examples, and trust me, he won't look like Prince Charming to you then, and you certainly won't look like Cinderella...well at least not Cinderella at the ball, but rather Cinderella the Chimney Sweep.

If you can say that none of this will ever happen to you, because you just "love" each other so much, then you are NOT ready to get married. Marriage is a FULL TIME JOB! One day you may get a "pay raise," and the next your pay is docked, and you've been demoted.

Also, if you can tell me that none of this will ever happen to you because you "love" each other so much, then I would like an autographed copy of your book! And if you skimmed over this and thought, she doesn't know what she's talking about, send me an autographed copy of your divorce papers.

If you've got any chance of making your marriage work through thick and thin, I strongly suggest you both go to couples counseling before that walk down the aisle. If you are not willing to do that, then you are not willing to do the work it takes to make a young marriage work.

Are you ready to work at it? If you are willing to put the time and energy into it, and put aside the skyrockets and fairytales for the time being, to put in the effort, then I will be very happy for you!

You are so right! It does take work! I married right out of college, at 21. That's what young women did back then. Getting married somehow "proved" you were an adult.

Now I wish with all my heart I would have waited and established a teaching career, traveled, met interesting people, met uninteresting people (), moved to Idaho, bought horses instead of a house, had a houseful of rescued dogs and cats, attended grad school when I was young (and not in my 40s), learned to ski, dated a whole bunch of guys, tried out other careers along the way, established myself as a person in my own right rather than as half of a couple, checked out potential in-laws more carefully, and made more of a difference in people's lives.

After doing all that, maybe, just maybe, I would have been mature enough and would have been ready to take on the work that marriage demands.

The only problem I have with getting married so young is most younger people jump into everything from an instant and convenient mentality. They don't think or plan 'down the road' then they find out that the other wants to go to college in another state while they want to stay in their hometown, the one wants lots of kids while the other doesn't want any. If a young couple can look at things from reality instead of here and now emotions then I really don't see anything wrong with kids marrying young.
I have seen couples marrying young and then one decides they are not happy and need 'to go find their self' because they eventually feel they were cheated out of something.
I have also seen childhood sweethearts happily ever after too.

IF you honestly feel it is the right thing for the two of you, why should you care what others think? You shouldn't even feel the need to explain yourself if you truly think it's right. I'm in my early 20's, we have two kids (well a 13 month old and our second baby due any day now) and we are constantly told we're not going to make it and that we are ruining our lives. All I did was smile and nod and tell them "okay." Why should I have to prove to them that my fianc? And I are going to work? As long as I know it myself and my fianc? Knows it, why should it matter what others say or think. We are constantly being doubted, but I don't care. Let others think/say what they want to, I don't need to sit there and try to convince THEM that we are doing the right thing for US. You're whole entire post seems like you're trying to convince yourself, so you may want to look into why you even needed to make this post.
Also if you think it's going to be a fairy tale ending, then you are in for a VERY BIG surprise. We have lived together for three years, it is hard work. Sure you think you can't stand to be separated from each other for even aminute at this point, but eventually that puppy love feeling is going to fade and it turns into HARD work.

thanks everyone for the comment, I really really appreciated. Keep it up all I like to see what other people think about it. And so far all of the comments are great and to the point.

Well here is the story, I'm 20 years old, and my fianc? 24. My friends always told me that my marriage will end up with divorce. I need a support from my friends, but they all judges us instead. Jealousy most. And I write this on my FB so they know what the real reason I'm getting married in young age. And married in young age is not wrong at all.



I guess that today people don't think that we are able to realize what love is because that we are young. They think that its just a little phase that we are going through. A lot of adults don't believe that we know how hard marriage is but we do,we see it all the time. What I need to do is show that we are going to make it work no matter what. Action is better than talk and after people see what we are doing to make each other happy they will begin to help us instead of bringing us down its true that marriage is hard but together we are strong and we can make it


And we do really know its not like fairy tale.. But together we strong and we can work it out. Just like how hard you try to make it work all these time. I will experience too, I know.

And I am sure of what I'm doing, really. Trust me I've been through lots of pain in this life. Mom passed away when I was 16. Dad abonden me. And I definitely know how hard life is. Please don't get me wrong. I write this post just so people know married young its not wrong at all as long as you sure about it and think clearly. We are the one who can control this marriage either feels like heaven on earth or even hell.


And what we have is not only mushy gushy feeling. We have been sacrificed a lot to make this relationship work.. I didn't pick up the line from jerry mcwho? Movie I said thats the moment when you realised that your life is so complete when you have someone who loves you as much as you do, when someone there for you when you happy or sad. And I do believe in soulmate

And yes,starbuck8 thanks for sharing us about your life and your mariage situation. I'm sure I also will experience this. But are talk about it long time ago. But then again. There's nothing that we cannot do. Reality is a I know. But both of us will fight together, support each other. That's what the partner do right?


But then again As long as we know we are making the right decision for us not anyone else that's what I do! Then we will go for it. We don't need to live our life for other people.. We need to live it for ourself, we are the only who knows what is right for us. So if people say, oh.. Your too young.. They can think that, but all that I want is there support and them backing us.


Vielen dank.