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My sister's daughter is getting married soon. Sister is widowed and dating a guy (for several months). Sister wants Date to sit with her in the first pew (Sister will be walked down the aisle to sit in first pew). Daughter says it is her wedding and she does not want date to sit in the first pew (where her late father would have been). Mother is paying for the reception.
Where does etiquette fall and where should Date sit?
First of all, Sister and Daughter need to communicate and get to the bottom of Daughter's objections to having Sister's date sit with her in the first pew. All things considered I see absolutely no problem with this whatsoever. It could maybe be different if Sister were divorced but that's not the case. Daughter needs to accept the fact that Father is gone, though sooner than she would have liked I'm sure and that life for everyone else must go on. Daughter is (presumably) a grown woman and she should be able to understand. If she can't than I'm not sure she's emotionally ready for marriage. Just as an incidental question, what does the groom-to-be have to say about all of this? It's his wedding too so his feelings deserve some consideration as well. I wonder if he, being somewhat removed from the situation, can help Daughter see things in a more practical and realistic light?
How long ago did Dad pass away? If it is very recent, and I mean very recent, it may be hard for her to see someone where her Dad would have been say 6 months ago. And I mean how serious is b/f with Mom, is this a permanent relationship?
Daughter and mother may have some personal issues we really do not know about.
Well, I mean, not to sound selfish, but it is daughter's big day!!!
Are the reasons daughter doesn't care for ne b/f legit? Like abusive relationship or something. I know she does not want anyone to take Daddy's place, but it is mom's life and she does need to get on with it. Daughter should understand that. But mother should understand that it is the biggest day in her daughter's life. Us girls prepare for this day all our lives, she should be happy on this occasion, not bitter.
I truly understand both sides of the story. How does the rest of the family feel about new b/f?
Weddings are not social events like parties to bring dates to unless the invitation is specifically extended to the date by the way the envelope is addressed. It is perfectly within the rights of the bride and groom to select who is and is not attending. Family members may make suggestions but unless the marriage is an arranged match and the parents are exclusively hosting the event, the suggestions are only that. Besides, what parent would want to make their child uncomfortable at such a time? I know our wedding would have been the least opportunistic time for my divorced parents to introduce my step parents or potential step parents to me. That gets a great big "ugh" from me. Far better timing would be a much more casual social event in which an uncomfortable child may make a hasty retreat should things not fair well and the caring parent would be wise to set it up that way.
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