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As some of you already know, I am getting married this year. We moved the wedding date up from August to June. I have to mail my invitations very soon as we have people coming from as far away as Japan (I live in Canada). I am having an evening wedding and I am not inviting any children. What is the proper way to ensure people do not bring their kids to the wedding? I don't want to offend anyone, and I LOVE kids but I have been to many a wedding that has been ruined by a crying child. Please help!!
Also, my sister is having her first child in the next couple of weeks and I don't know how to break it to her that her baby can't come either...this is a very delicate situation. Any suggestions??
If you exclude children you will offend many people period. Many people first may not be able to afford babysitters, if they are traveling they can't leave children at home.
You would have to at the least provide childcare for all the children during the wedding period.
Honestly many people may decide not to attend if this was the rule.
Now you have the right to decide this, it is your wedding
Hi,
I agree with Fr_Chuck. If you exclude any children, there will possibly be bad feelings.
When two people get married, it is a union for all to see and be a part of, if others are invited to attend. They will all want to share in your joy.
If you do think hard about this, is it so bad to have a baby cry at your wedding? It's normal, natural, and some day, you might hear your own baby crying.
It is your decision, but personally, I would want to share this day or evening with all my friends and their families. My wife and I did, 28 yrs ago!
I do wish you the best, and please don't get upset if you decide to put in your invitations that no children under age of, say 8 yrs old are allowed, and you get RSVP with "I'm sorry, but we can't attend".
In all fairness, we live in the Great Smokey Mountains in the US, and the culture here is "country", with everyone you see for the first time a "friend" you didn't know you had, and hardly anyone thinks about "ruining" something or a gathering because of a baby crying.
Best of luck.
Actually I good friend of mine had this same problem at hers this past summer. The problem in her situation was that she couldn't afford the catering for the extra children because some people had anywhere from three to five kids. What she did was set an age limit, no children under the age of twelve. And she was just truthful, she explained for financial reasons. Sometimes you have to be honest with people. This is YOUR big day. Most people understand that it isn't anything againts the children but hey lets face it, would they want a screaming two year old or a three year old running up and down the aisles at there wedding? The costs of weddings do get very expensive the more people you invite. Since both my kids are very young Icompletely understood, but she gave people like a six month heads up about the children not being invited. As long as you give people enough time to make sitter arrange ments, which six months was more than enough then its only there fault for not getting the arrangments done sooner.
If there are people who take it personally then that is there problem, This isn't a day for "the kids" this is YOUR wedding day. And if these parents can't get passed that then they are being selfish. That is a stupid reason for not celebrating a day of such importance. And bottom line they have to respect your wishes or just not come.
You do what you need to do. Expalin that it has nothing againts the children, but that you would prefer not to have the kids there.And give people enough time to get sitters.
At the same time, marriage and wedding has to do with family. Family includes children. So if you exclude children you exclude family as well. At the same time it is your wedding and you need to do what is right for you. It is a fine line to walk but in the end it is you that is getting married.
While I understand about not wanting children of your friends, aunt, uncles, etc is one thing.
But not allowing your sister to bring her baby? Perhaps that can be an exception you make. After all, she is your sister!
Some people might choose not to come b/c of this. My parents were invited to a cousins wedding down in the USA and we (the kids) weren’t invited. They called them up and said that they could not attend unless they brought us. So they decided to allow it since we were from out of town.
But in terms of people who are living in Newfoundland or can afford a baby sitter, then it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
Although, rethink the one about your sister. It’s one thing for a cousin you speak with once or twice a year at most, but your sister, who you are close to and talk with on a regular basis, I think an exception could be made. I am of course assuming you have a close relationship with your sister.
For those that can't afford specific catering and larger wedding for this reason or that reason, one has to be realistic and not plan a wedding so large it will break you. That is why many people have small private weddings with only dozen, a few or no one at them. It is why my lovely bride and I went to the mountains for a priate church wedding since this family member did not want this or that and another one this or that other.
again it is your wedding and if you where doing a vegas stip club theme I could see no children and I have done all sorts of theme weddings from country westen to island themes. Even hot air ballons weddng.
They should be fun and injoying a great time for all but esp the couple.
It is always the couples choice but starting a new life and making family upset all at one time is not always the best way to start. If you want a invitation only type , you need to keep it very small and speicif to who can come. But it is normally a family time, for ALL family to get together and share in this great event.
And to be honest it is the things that go wrong during the wedding ( and there is always something that will go wrong) that makes it more fun to remember.
For those that can't afford specific catering and larger wedding for this reason or that reason, one has to be realistic and not plan a wedding so large it will break you. That is why many people have small private weddings with only dozen, a few or no one at them. It is why my lovely bride and I went to the mountains for a priate church wedding since this family member did not want this or that and another one this or that other.
again it is your wedding and if you where doing a vegas stip club theme I could see no children and I have done all sorts of theme weddings from country westen to island themes. Even hot air ballons weddng.
They should be fun and injoying a great time for all but esp the couple.
It is always the couples choice but starting a new life and making family upset all at one time is not always the best way to start. If you want a invitation only type , you need to keep it very small and speicif to who can come. But it is normally a family time, for ALL family to get together and share in this great event.
And to be honest it is the things that go wrong during the wedding ( and there is always something that will go wrong) that makes it more fun to remember.
That is a good idea, but may not work in al cases. Like my friend who had the financial problem. She has a large family and so does her fiancee thats not including the kids. Now where do you draw the line? If you keep it small and only include the relatives with the larger families so that there kids can come. then what about your relatives or close friends that have no children?
That is why I think that you could invite children of a specific age like no child under eight or twelve, wherever you think its best. Besides an older child would enjoy the wedding much more than say a two year old who has no idea as to what is going on, even a five year old who only would find at least for the ceremony, to be a little boring. Sometimes you have to forgo the whole pick and choose idea for something a little more logical.
It's not a financial problem at all, and I don't mind hiring a sitter for the evening for everyone's children. However, the ceremony begins at 7pm, it will only be twenty minutes long and then we will be moving right into the reception. The reception is not an alcohol free event and I don't believe it is a good environment for children. This is NOT a "family" type wedding. It is a party at which I am going to get married. People wouldn't bring their children to the office christmas party. Also, I would not know any of the children involved. All told, not having children invited would perhaps affect four of the couples that I have invited and I will understand if they choose not to come, and I will certainly offer a babysitter.
As for my sister, I have a very close relationship with her. Since this post she has decided that her baby will spend the evening with her in-laws because she wouldn't want a four month old up that late at night. Thanks for all of your replies.
Mrs.pennell, it's your special time and you have the right to decide who should be at your wedding. If you don't want kids to be at the wedding, let it be known. My cousin also didn't want kids at her wedding, so she put on the invitations for people not to bring their little kids. Everyone was okay with it, they all found baby-sitters to watch their kids and attended her wedding. What you should do is have the invitations say it's for adults only, but if you've already sent out the invitations, then you should call the guests up and let them know that you don't want kids at the wedding because it may cause distractions. I really don't think that people would mind. Good luck with your wedding. I wish you all the best.
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