[gotribe82]

My wife's brother is getting married. He's getting married in southern Mexico (he lives in California). It will cost me over $4,000.00 to fly my family to the wedding. My wife feels that we are obligated to attend. Personally, I feel that he shouldn't expect or even ask people to spend that kind of money to attend his wedding. I think they should get married in the U.S. and then spend their honeymoon in Mexico... alone. They shouldn't take all of us with them on their honeymoon. Oh yeah, here's the kicker. The wedding in Mexico will not even be legal in the U.S. They're going to the Justice Of The Peace when they return to California.

Should we feel obligated to attend?

Thanks.

[JudyKayTee]

My wife's brother is getting married. He's getting married in southern Mexico (he lives in California). It will cost me over $4,000.00 to fly my family to the wedding. My wife feels that we are obligated to attend. Personally, I feel that he shouldn't expect or even ask people to spend that kind of money to attend his wedding. I think they should get married in the U.S. and then spend their honeymoon in Mexico...alone. They shouldn't take all of us with them on their honeymoon. Oh yeah, here's the kicker. The wedding in Mexico will not even be legal in the U.S. They're going to the Justice Of The Peace when they return to California.

Should we feel obligated to attend?

Thanks.

Depends on whether you want to be at war with your wife and probably her family.

[twinkiedooter]

Don't attend. You have the right idea about them getting married in the US and going on their honeymoon ALONE. Unless you are extremely wealthy and can afford that kind of price tag, Don't DO IT. They need to understand not everyone has that kind of money to throw around just to see them get married. They need to get realistic about this whole shebang or they will be getting married alone and going on their honeymoon alone.

[liz28]

I think that is a lot of money to attend a wecding. Talk it over with your wife and express your concerns. If anything, maybe she could go while you stay at home with the kids.

[dontknownuthin]

If you can afford to go and can make a nice vacation out of it, go. If not, don't go and explain to the groom, "we wish we could be there, but it's just not something we can afford...perhaps we can celebrate when you remarry here in the states".

As another option, your wife could go alone or you could leave the kids home and just you and your wife could go to cut down on air-fare. Perhaps someone in your family could watch the kids for a few days?

You clearly have a choice about whether you have to spend that kind of money. For most people, it wouldn't even be an option - that's a lot of cash.

[complicatedlife]

Too much money for these days! Economy its not that good save that money if you have it for something better. When people are getting marry they get very happy and they just think about themselves!

[DoulaLC]

It's unfortunate they apparently just assumed everyone would attend. Many couples who have destination weddings are more realistic and will invite friends and family letting them know that they would love it if they can make it, but understand if they can't. Others will plan something where they cover the costs, or at least some of the costs, for their out of town guests.

You are never obligated to attend a wedding. I agree with the idea of having your wife go if she wants to attend. As an alternative, you could also host a small celebration for them at some point after they return if you felt the need to do something more.

[Jake2008]

Maybe there is another way around this.

What about hosting a reception in your home for close friends and family, when they return, and have been officially married by the JP.

With it being mainly family, split the cost of the food, decorations etc. rent a tent, and have a nice reception in the backyard, with a pot luck meal.

I would bet that if this were an option for others who cannot afford to go, you'd have more than enough help to cover the work involved, and the expenses.

[Starbucks21]

Well that's why my own (flesh and blood raised me) parents couldn't attend my military wedding. And I'm their first born daughter. So no, I think they should understand that 4k is a lot and you aren't millionaires

[wtbear]

Remember that the wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of a bride and groom's life, not their brother in laws. If it were my wedding, I wouldn't want you to come given how you feel about it. I agree though with the earlier poster. Maybe you and your wife should go without the kids, and use it as a couples getaway, or tell your wife to go without you.

I had a destination wedding a few years ago. My husband's uncle told us later he really didn't want to go, but ended up having a wonderful time and has called it one of his favorite family events. He ended up being pleasantly surprised by the location. Keep an open mind -- you may end up having a better time than you think...

[artlady]

Times are tough and that is a lot of money to spend,then of course you have to add on all of the incidentals of travel.

I thought that at these destination weddings the bride and groom absorbed the cost.

I think its an awful lot to ask of people and they should be making it clear to any who can't attend that they understand.