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As some of you already know, I am getting married this year. We moved the wedding date up from August to June. I have to mail my invitations very soon as we have people coming from as far away as Japan (I live in Canada). I am having an evening wedding and I am not inviting any children. What is the proper way to ensure people do not bring their kids to the wedding? I don't want to offend anyone, and I LOVE kids but I have been to many a wedding that has been ruined by a crying child. Please help!!
Also, my sister is having her first child in the next couple of weeks and I don't know how to break it to her that her baby can't come either...this is a very delicate situation. Any suggestions??
You've gotten some good answers already but I thought I'd put in my 2 cents as I just got married last week. Actually I'm currently on my honeymoon in Vancouver Island. We've been having a wonderful time until today, when Alex woke up with a stomach ache. Since he's "indisposed" and we have our laptop with us, I thought I'd come on here.
As someone who's having a child soon, I wouldn't be offended at all. In fact, I'm sure I'd be happy to have a break from the baby for a few hours haha. Since you also offered to pay for a babysitter for the evening, the question of affording a sitter doesn't really figure into it either. People shouldn't have anything to complain about. As you mentioned, it is an evening wedding. Little kids will be tired and cranky, more apt to misbehave, and should be in bed anyway. I agree I wouldn't really want my young child at a function where people are possibly getting inebriated. It isn't a good atmosphere for kids. Most of all, this is YOUR wedding and you can have it however you want. People who don't really understand that, are obviously not great friends. It's your day and they should be thinking of you rather than their own needs.
I actually was never invited to attend a wedding until I was a teenager. Lots of people I know have had no children at their weddings. It's not so unusual. Good luck with your preparations, and don't feel bad about it at all!
mrs.pennell,
I guess the no kids at your wedding can work. I personally have been at the other end of the stick, so I know how it feels.
Some people in my family are nuts. We aren’t' invited because we are 2nd cousins and if they invite us, then they have to invite all 2nd cousins. Yet they spoke with us far far far more than the others and have a much closer relationship with us, but that’s another story.
You're right, Captain Forest...that's a whole other story!! I'm inviting all my cousins even though I haven't seen or spoken to most of them in over ten years! That way no one feels left out. And on Sunday afternoon we're going to have a family bbq with the kids. It'll be kind of like a family reunion!
I tried to comment on your post, Orange but I have to spread my reputation around some more! Anyways, thanks for your perspective both from the wedding side of things and the baby side!! It will probably be my sisters first real night out since the baby so that'll be great for her! She can relax and have some fun!
First of all, congratualtions Orange! Now, my wife and I were married 4 years ago and we didn't invite kids except for my sisters and brothers kids which equaled 5. I think that was understandable and excepted with others (not that I cared, personally). I thought the general etiquette rule is, if if didn't include the kids names or "children" or said "& family" you would either ask if they can come or not bring them. We went to a wedding that was 5 hours away in May. We had a 3 month old and an almost 2. We fought with her parents about not bringing my 2 year old b/c I thought he would be running around and let's face it we wouldn't be able to enjoy it. We brought our 3 month old b/c my wife was nursing but other than that we wouldn't have brought him either. I think it is perfectly exceptable to have an age limit or not have kids at all. Like everyone has been saying, the price of weddings are outrageous nowadays, you don't need to add to the cost. Good luck.
Mrs. Pennell,
I think it is perfectly ok for you to keep your wedding "adults only". I am. We are, however, providing babysitters and activities for the young children at the hotel where the out-of-town guests will be staying. I think that is the generous and accomodating thing to do, if funds provide. As for the comments about offending people, well, in my opinion, that is their problem. This is YOUR wedding and YOUR decision. People need to be more understanding and recognize that many people feel that little kids should not be at an evening affair. If you are going out of your way to provide babysitters and other activities for the kids to do, the parents should be appreciative of your consideration, not resentful. I think any parent would enjoy a night away from the kids so that they could enjoy a peaceful evening as adults. Go with your gut and do what is best for you. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. It is YOUR day, not theirs. CONGRATULATIONS!
I have similar problem. I have obnoxious, uncontrollable children in my family and I do not want them to come. The boy on my husband-to-be's side is great. Can we just ask him to be the ring barer or something and say no OTHER kids allowed?
I was so frustrated with the answers provided by some people... albeit, everyone has their own opinions, I can't believe people feel so strongly that someone needs to invite their friends kids to THEIR wedding. I am planning a wedding right now and know that the food alone costs over $250 a plate, whatever the age! People do NOT need to invite children -- alcohol will be flowing and not everyone wants a "family-friendly" wedding. I think the best way to approach it is to simply offer baby-sitting services. This is what I am doing and there hasn't been any issues.
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