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I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 19. we have known each other for 6 years and we have just been friends. There were always little flirts here and there but never the thought of going out. We've been dating for 8 months. Then a month ago he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him. I said yes but i'm afraid to tell my dad. i am ready but i dont want my dad to freak out because he is always telling me that his union with my mom didnt work out because they out-grew each other. (they got married at (mom) 19 and (dad) 20) he thinks i am going to make his mistakes.
But I love my boyfriend very much. and i dont want other people to tell me what to do. however every time people give me that "oh my goodness" look i get the feeling that maybe they are right. I'm not afraid of taking that step. I'm just afraid of what is going to happen AFTER it. I'm just so afraid of becoming like my parents. they hate each other and every time i'm with one I have to listen to that one dawg on the other ( saying how much she hates him or how much he wishes they'd never gotten married ) it's the same thing with my grand parents. I just dont want to be like that. that is what i'm afraid of.
so what should i do? I'm going to follow my heart. and i'm going to get married anyway, i love brett so much i just dont want to lose him and then end up being miserable like my parents are. help please?!?!
all I have to say is if you have to ask the question, then obviously you already know the answer. Live life first, if its meant to be, it will happen in time.
You need to slow down right now. Just knowing someone for 8 months is not long enough. You are young and so is he. What do you picture your life with him in say 5 years and 3 kids from now? Everything is not just love and roses, it's diapers and having to figure out how to pay bills on time.
Getting married is easy. Getting divorced is not so easy after 5 kids and a house thrown in for good measure. What about college? Are you going to go, is he going to go? What kind of jobs are you and he looking at right now? Somebody has to pay the rent and light bill and buy food. Money does not magially appear in your hand.
You can still love your bf with all your heart. That's not going to change. BUT people do outgrow each other. What kinds of activities do you two share other than the obvious bedroom activity. That too can fade and fade fast if that's all you have in common with each other.
1. how long do you plan on being engaged before getting married, 1 year, 2 year or more
2 if you were to marry now ( or when you turn 18) what type of jobs can you and he have. were there college plans, why can't you wiat till after college to marry.
I say that if this is what you want and obviously it is, then go for it. If you know that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him then do it. Now if you are having doubts (don't worry everyone does, you are gambling the rest of your life you have every right to have a few worries) then maybe try a longer engagement.
I just got engaged on Christmas and I told my dad and he was really upset about it. He said that I'm not ready to make that big of a commitment when in all honesty, he's the one that is not ready for his only daughter to get married. I don't have a date set and I don't know any of the details except for who is going to be my brides maids. Our engagement is going to be a longer one.
The point I'm trying to make is that yes your parents may be upset and may use that famous line "learn from my mistakes" but this is your life and you only live it once. Yes it may fail but that's just the reality. It could also last the rest of your lives. It's not like you don't know the guy you said you've been friends for 8 years!
You are clearly unsure about this step otherwse you would not have asked us. But getting engaged and getting married are two different things. If you truly love each other, then go ahead and announce your engagement. But I would first make plans about your future, college, careers, etc. I would NOT get married until you are more emotionally and financially secure.
You definately need to wait since you are posting a question about getting married to random stangers on the internet. And the future is important to think about... if yall get married now, your future plans will all be made according to eachother. There will be no room to think about the fact that yall might see yourselves doing totally different things with your lives in regard to college, where you want to live, etc. Just think about the fact that if you are the perfect couple, you will end up in a marriage either way. IF not, it is much easier to brake up then to get divorced!!
Take a step back and think about what people are telling you. Everyone who's responded here and in real life are older and more experienced. Many of which, have done just what you plan on doing... and they were very much in love as well! Even more people give you that "oh my goodness" look... its because they've already been 17 and they know how different you become by age 19, 22, 28, 35... Heck, I've been with my husband since I was 19 but I just married him after 8 years together! Why? I wanted to finish college, buy a new car, start my career... then settle down. And he was with me thru all of it.
If this is meant to be, let time prove it. Accomplish your own goals and mature as individuals before you dive into a marriage. Believe it or not, marriage changes relationships because you have tougher issues to deal with. (Taxes, mortgages/rent, school, work, kids, $, retirement, wills, bills, parents, holidays, etc.)
If you're really meant to be together, there is nothing wrong with a long engagement.
"afraid to tell my dad." This is not a good start. First, there are no gaurantees, be you 17 or 70. Just try to have a clear picture of what you both want and how you plan on getting it. Talk to eachother now. Do some research. Then, don't "tell" your dad, talk to him with your boyfriend.
You may well be ready for marriage in a lot of ways - your feelings for one another, emotional security, the way you treat one another. There are some aspects of being prepared for marriage though that can't be rushed, and you are putting your long-term success in marriage in huge jeopordy if you marry this young.
Most marriages that fail, as I have come to understand it, fail because of a few basic things. The first is money. Either they don't have enough or don't know how to manage it, or they don't share the same philosophy about spending, credit or saving.
Another is infidelity, which often happens in early marriages because the two partners have come through this initial honeymoon period but are not really ready in terms of their personal experience and growth to focus on one person. They don't realize it until they are in the marriage and cheating. I can't tell you how many really, really mature and bright adults I know, and have known since we were teenagers, who have felt that our relationships were ideal for us, only to later divorce under the best of circumstances. Marriage is hard work adn requires an aweful lot of both people, consistently, to work.
Another is extended family interference or disapproval. This is huge. it can last a lifetime if you start out without the support of both your family and your fiances. Marriage is far from being just about two people - you'd be amazed how crowded it can be if others don't approve.
Children bring up a whole additional set of challenges. In the right situation, family, children, finances can all be really wonderful aspects of a marriage and can be things that feed your marriage to flourish and survive the worst of times.
So are you too young? I really feel you are. YOu are not too young to be in love, but marriage is another deal. It's like going for your PhD before you graduate from high school. It takes more time.
Sure, people did marry young years ago. Times were different. Women could get by with some domestic skills and men could get by with a high school education. Today, a college degree is the equivalent of what a high school diploma was for my parent's generation. Life is really expensive and demanding and crazed.
If you feel you could afford an apartment together, instead of getting the apartment put your money into separate saving's accounts or investments so that when you finish school, you can buy a house. An adult recognizes that living at home with your parents when you are a teenager is a financial arrangement worth keeping as long as you can!
If you feel you are up to the challenge of shopping, laundry, cooking - do it for your family that you live with now. Ungrateful are they? Well, how do you think your parents feel? This is family life and chances are good that until you learn to do things unselfishly for the family you grew up in, you won't be able to do it better for your own family!
I'm not suggesting you don't help, but I'm saying, really step it up and see how ready you truly are to do it every day.
Do your own laundry, pay your own cell phone and internet bills, pay for your own gas. Don't ask your parents for money or rides or anything. See how it works out. Married is an adult world...don't dive into it before you are ready.
If you still need their help, that's fine. You are suposed to. You are a teenager. And incidentally, your boyfriend is, too. Wait to marry a man until you've seen how he functions as an independent man. You can't possibly know how well he will manage money, keep a job, get an education, take care of a home, set up investments...until you've seen him do it.
So anyway, in a nutshell I think you should have a blast and enjoy being in love, but don't get married!
I said yes but i'm afraid to tell my dad. i am ready but i dont want my dad to freak out because he is always telling me that his union with my mom didnt work out because they out-grew each other. (they got married at (mom) 19 and (dad) 20) he thinks i am going to make his mistakes. 
saying how much she hates him or how much he wishes they'd never gotten married
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