I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

smilin_always

..... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people..be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

JudyKayTee

If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

smilin_always

I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.

lbd88

Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Go ahead and make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

smilin_always

I still don't see how you having been married and getting a divorce proves anything. that is your situation. And, if marriage in in fact, "merely a piece of paper," why don't we all just get hitched? After all, a piece of paper is so insignificant in our lives, so why should it change a thing? My grandmother... in the days that have come and gone, was not there only to be a good submissive housewife. she did her share of work and providing for her family, just as a woman in today's world would. I'm sorry that it did not work out for you, and I wasn't trying to say that your advice was necessarily invalid.. just that you did go about it in a rude way. I was simply stating my point of view, which is what was asked of us by the girl who posted the first question. I do disagree with yours as you do mine, and that is fine, but I think that YOU were quite insulting, yourself, to a girl who needs advice. If you post your opinion online, expect it to be bashed, or tossed aside. If you take that heavy of offense to it, then I see no need for you to post anything at all.

JudyKayTee

I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

starbuck8

I guess it doesn't matter how many times you say it, does it Judy?!! This just goes to show that people do NOT read through previous posts before answering questions, so that advice given is informed advice. Many other details are often given, and without reading the details, it's often ill-informed advice. Although this discussion may help some others who do take the time to read through, what has been said several times by JudyKayTee, is that this post is almost 5 YEARS OLD! Please read through the pages people! It would make it much easier on those of us that would really like to focus on the immediate problems that need our attention! Please pay attention to the date of the original post!

Thankyou for your cooperation!

Fr_Chuck

Closed