My fiancé and I are getting married (Oct. '09) and my father passed away in '04. I feel like I'm losing him at every milestone I come across so I avoid it. It went to the extreme of me not graduating because I couldn't bear the thought of graduating and him not being there so got my GED. I have passed that phase and am prepared to enjoy getting married or having a baby because I know he is watching over me. I am going to walk down the aisle alone. I'll have a chair set aside next to my mother with a photo of my dad and a paper with a poem written on it and at the bottom it will say "with us in spirit 1954-2004". I'm thinking about for the father-daughter dance to instead have Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" playing while I am setting his photo on a designated table and lighting a single candle then just letting the song play out while I and the remainder of my family pray, remember, whatever. Then when the song is over go into Van morrison's "brown-eyed girl" and let the MC invite all family and friends who have a loved one to honor and may come to the designated table and light candles for their loved ones? Is it too far to have a memory book for other family memebers tell me things they remember about my dad? Are the songs I chose appropriate songs? He said brown-eyd girl reminded him of my mother, they were divorced. He liked the song. Sang it to me, and its happy and upbeat so perfect for bringing the mood up right? I was very close with my father. Please any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Maybe dedicate a song in his honor sometime before or after the ceremony and include a section in the service pamphlet.

YouTube - Eric Clapton - My Father's Eyes

You could do this song and video or song with a slide show of pics with him

Eric Clapton - My Fathers Eyes lyrics

Sailing down behind the sun,
Waiting for my prince to come.
Praying for the healing rain
To restore my soul again.

Just a toerag on the run.
How did I get here?
What have I done?
When will all my hopes arise?
How will I know him?
When I look in my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.
When I look in my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.

Then the light begins to shine
And I hear those ancient lullabies.
And as I watch this seedling grow,
Feel my heart start to overflow.

Where do I find the words to say?
How do I teach him?
What do we play?
Bit by bit, I've realized
That's when I need them,
That's when I need my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.
That's when I need my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.

Then the jagged edge appears
Through the distant clouds of tears.
I'm like a bridge that was washed away;
My foundations were made of clay.

As my soul slides down to die.
How could I lose him?
What did I try?
Bit by bit, I've realized
That he was here with me;
I looked into my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.
I looked into my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.

My father's eyes.
My father's eyes.
I looked into my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.

Losing my father last summer I can appreciate how much you want him to still be a part of your life. I graduated nursing school this past spring and wanted so much for him to be there with me. I knew it was impossible in body, but he was in spirit.

With that said, while I think you have a beautiful soul and spirit. You obviously loved your father very much. However, it seems like you are turning what should be a major celebration into a memorial. This day is for you... You and your husband-to-be.

Again, your thoughts are beautiful. Rather than turn it into a memorial for your father rather than a celebration for you. Have him be a part of your ceremony. Do you have something of his you could wear? For instance, after my father passed, my mother had his wedding band sized down and passed it on to me. I wear my husband's wedding band on my left hand and my father's on my right. In this way I know he is always with me. To my graduation I wore what I wore at his funeral under my cap and gown. It was the last time I saw him, so, wearing those clothes I had a piece of him with me.

The people coming to your wedding want to celebrate your happiness. Lest you forget, some may have some very sad memories of lost loves. This plan could turn out to be painful to some of your guests, and much less the celebration it should be.

Do you have any pictures of you and your dad you could have scattered around the reception hall?

Just a small idea that would honor your father might be to include a brief moment to acknowledge him during your wedding ceremony. I was very close to my grandfather who I lost years ago, but still wanted him to be a part of my wedding and my father is not in my life. In the ceremony, I included some verbage in which we honored our loved ones that couldn't be with us physically, but we knew were there in our hearts... and then we listed the names of a few close family members that we had lost but wanted to recognize.

My grandmother passed away when I was 15, we were very close. When I got married, We got a beautiful flower arrangement, which was different from the others, but the same color scheme, and put a little note in the bulletin explaining to the guests why those flowers were there. It was nice, but not too much, I could not bear to talk about her myself, or to here someone else speak of her, it would have brought too much sadness to my day. As mentioned by J9, this is you and your hubbies day, celebrate it!

I just got married last month and what I did for the family members that had passed I had my whole wedding party have white roses and the ONLY colored flowers that we had were red single roses in vases that had the persons name in a beautiful frame that I had engraved. As a remembrance for the family members. I had the roses and vases on a specific table with pictures and also a little blank book (for guests to write memories of the person that passed) for each family member so that people could look at pictures and memories of each person. I don't know if that idea helps at all but that's what I did...

I was just at a wedding in June for my best friend and his dad died when he was a child. What he did to honor him was they acknowledge a spiritual presence and then lit a candle and called it the "Candle of guidance" to watch over their marriage

I know grandparents aren't the same as a parent, but I wanted to do something in their memory for my wedding that is next year, so that I don't feel like they are left out of my wedding, but at the same time I don't want the family mourning the lost, so my idea was this... my grandmother was Irish, and my grandfather was Italian. My fiancé is Puerto Rican. So I am going to have 3 favors, with a tag containing each nationality blessing. So for instance, I found online a wine glass, that's a candle in it, and the scent is supposed to be grape merlot I believe it says, and around it I will place and Italian blessing, At the bottom I am thinking of doing In Memory Of *insert grandpa's name*, then for the Irish same thing, something Celtic with Irish blessing attached, and trying to find something Spanish was hard! So my fiance's mother going to make a Spanish favor for me and ill attach Spanish blessing. That way I feel like I didn't forget them at the happy point in my life, also kind of to bring together my fiancé and I's nationality.