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goodgirl08 · Nov 14, 2006, 07:57 AM

Hi, I have a question about the father/daughter dance... is it proper for the bride to dance with her new husband's father during the father/daughter dance? The reason I am asking is because I am not too crazy about my new sister-in-law... well during the father/daughter dance, about 1/2 way through dancing with her dad, she goes and grabs my dad to dance with!. I was really hurt by this gesture, because I NEVER had a BIG wedding... my husband and I got married in a very informal, low-key wedding... just our family and close friends... never had a great big reception either, we just could not afford it a the time... my new sister-in-law knows the whole story... now I probably would not have minded her doing that, had she asked me prior to the event... but to me, it was like a stab in the back when she did this... I think a lot of our family was surprised that she did this, and they just all looked at me with their mouths open when this happened... I am still hurt :( and now ANGRY :mad: with her... I was just wondering if this was a proper thing to do at a wedding!? Does she owe me an apology or am I just over reacting and should just get over it!

ScottGem · Nov 14, 2006, 08:21 AM

Whoa, when is this about you? Why do you think you had any right to be involved. What does your wedding have to do with hers? Sorry, but you are not being a goodgirl, you are acting like a brat.

This was HER wedding. She decided, whether beforehand or on the spur of the moment, to honor her new father in law by including him in the father/daughter dance. Personally, I think it was a nice gesture. The only one who might have a reason to be miffed is her father for getting only half the dance.

That you would think this was about you is self centered. As you say, you aren't too crazy about your new sister-in-law. You are clearly jealous that her parents (or the bride and groom) were able to afford the type of wedding you wanted and couldn't have.

But you are WAY off base here. There was nothing wrong in her gesture. It sounds like it was more designed to bring the families together, but since your side seems selef centered and bratty, it had the opposite effect.

Tuscany · Nov 14, 2006, 10:50 AM

I have to agree with Scott on this one. It was really neat that your sister in law felt comfortable enough that she would share that dance with her new father in law. It shows that she honestly sees him in a fatherly light. I personally would be happy that I was there to see my dad share in that moment with my new sister.

If you feel the need to throw a party in honor of your wedding do it on your anniversary and there dance with your dad. But holding a grudge towards the newest member of your family will lead to nothing but heartache and sadness.

goodgirl08 · Nov 14, 2006, 12:37 PM

I know that the both of you are probably right, but it still hurt regardless of how you want to look at it. I guess because the new sister-in-law isn't who everyone thinks she is, so that makes it hard to accept her. I have tried, believe me, because I know my brother really loves her, but the stuff she has confided in me about her feelings towards him and my family; even before the wedding, have just left an awful taste in my mouth. She's a beautiful person on the outside, but some of her ways and her attitude in general just make her not so beautiful... like I said, I have tried to accept her as a person in general, and I would never do anything to try and cause conflict with her or my brother or anybody else in my family for that matter, but I think she knew what she was doing and did it to be spiteful... because she knows the relationship my dad and I have... or lack there of... she has the relationship with my dad that I wished I could have (he is my step-father), and until my brother and her started dating, I never felt like the step-daughter... call it jealously, envy or whatever you want either way it hurt... in all honesty I really didn't want to be at the wedding, but did it out of respect for my brother...

ScottGem · Nov 14, 2006, 01:09 PM

Please don't think I am unaware that you were hurt by this. I also had a feeling there was more to this then you were telling us.

However, we have to deal with the situation as its related to us. Maybe she did do it to spite you. Maybe she saw an opportunity to look good and stick it to you at the same time. Its really hard for us to tell. It could have been a genuine act to bring the family together.

What I can tell you, is that, as long as you harbor these feelings against her you will be the one hurt. You have to learn to deal with your feelings towards her so that you don't hurt your brother. I still think you are much too slef absorbed to think that her wedding might have been about you in anyway.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 14, 2006, 01:39 PM

I think this thread would have been more productive if you had written about a problem with a sister-in-law who is dishonest, with one or two examples of how she is dishonest. Unfortuantely the wedding question doesn't even qualify as it doesn't illustrate her dishonesty very well. It seems more like a "you had to have been there" thing or understood more of the context in which she did it. It is important to have an understanding of the real problem so we can offer a real solution, okay Good Girl?