Hey girls,

This is my first post on this site and I am just looking for other people's opinion on a situation that I put myself into and handled like … I could - I might have over thought the whole thing but I guess I couldn't let it go. Anyways here it is:
I originally only wanted my sister as maid of honor and no bridesmaid in my wedding. But my sister is in a different country and even though, I know I could do without someone here (just because I have great friends and they would be there for me and even organize a bachelorette party without being my bridesmaids), I kind of wanted to put someone in charge so that I could give the credit to someone.
So I decided to have one bridesmaid in addition to my sister. Last week, I asked one of my close friends and she said yes, we talked for an hour about the dress etc and she mentioned to me that she was trying to get pregnant. At first I didn’t think anything of it so I said it was fine, it honestly didn’t bother me.
During the week I thought about it more after talking to my fiancé and my sister, and I started thinking that it might be a problem if she got pregnant. Not so much for the dress or looks but more for the responsibilities that being a bridesmaid entails. If I had more than one, I wouldn’t be worried but since we decided to have a small wedding party and I only have one bridesmaid here…; I don’t want it to be a burden for her and I know that I would feel uncomfortable asking her to come to fittings or be in charge of organizing stuff if her pregnancy is already tiring her etc... I just want to know that my bridesmaid is going to be available if I need her help and I don’t want it to be overwhelming for her either. I was in charge of organizing a bachelorette party once and I know it’s not a piece of cake when you have to coordinate with everybody.
Anyways, I talked to her and told her what was on my mind. She was shocked at first but she saw my point and told me that I should ask another friend. I feel so bad for doing that but I was thinking about both our interests and I also didn’t want this to affect our relationship down the road. She mentioned to me that she had told her husband that I would call back and tell her that the pregnancy would be a problem (although she thought it would be a problem for the appearance and not for my reasons) and he replied that I would never do that because it is rude and you can’t unask someone after you asked them to be a bridesmaid…
what do you guys think? Do you think I should have sucked it up and taken the chance (maybe she won’t get pregnant, who knows…) or did I do the right thing? and was it really rude or can you unask someone under certain circumstances?
Sorry for the long post and thank you for your answers

lacuran8626

I think you were wrong - sorry. It is very common for someone in a bridal party to be pregnant because, well, you're all at the age where you are getting married and getting pregnant. It is presumptuous to think that because they are in your wedding they will be doing anything more than particpating in the wedding events - they are not obliged to plan your bachelorette party or anything of the kind.

I think the mistake you made was asking someone to fulfill a position of honor for the wrong reasons. Your intention wasn't to honor her, but rather to appoint her to the job of planning additional celebrations in your own honor. Kind of backwards.

Apologize to your friend. Your wedding is not more important than her desire for a child or her feelings.

This is not even a certainty. It could take her a long time to get pregnant, and even if she is showing at the time of your wedding, pregnancy is not a disability. Other friends could plan the bachelorette party if necessary - you've said they would be happy to. And what planning is required anyway? Hire a car so you aren't driving drunk, meet up at someone's house and head out.

Personally I think that bachelor and bachelorette parties (closely followed by the groom retrieving the garter with his teeth in front of the bride's father and grandparents and family friends, etc.) are among the most tacky things that people do related to weddings. An engagement party where people don't temporarily turn themselves into the village idiot would be a lot more classy, and would not run the same risks of starting the marriage with a cloud of suspicion over who did what at these stupid, drunken festivals of fools.