could you please tell me what needs improving on this please as im applying for uni for september 2010 thanks

Dear Admissions Tutor,

Your degree in Sports Coaching is my first choice as teaching others about their preferred sport and helping them improve in it is my main passion. Community Sports Leaders Award and Higher Sports Leaders Award helped me realise that it is what I wanted to do for a future career. My interest in sport began at young age where I participated in many sports as refereed and coached matches during high school, which included hockey, football, rounders, athletics and badminton. I do not shy away from trying new things as I like challenges.

My work experience has included voluntary hours for the Community Sports Leaders Award where I worked with Jeff who coaches his own football team in Stockton for under 10’s, he really helped me discover what I wanted to do in the future. I want to be able to give my knowledge of sport to others I helped coach football with young children. Working with young children is what I would prefer to do as a career as I would like to give my knowledge of sport to the younger generation. For Higher Sports Leaders Award voluntary hours, I mostly looked forward to working with disabled children, as I have always been passionate helping people less capable and helping them excel and enjoy sport.

I currently have a part time job in a pub in Stockton where I work three shifts each week. I have had to deal with a wide range of customers whilst I have worked there for 2 years and I have improved my communication, listening and inter-personal skills. I have learnt to be reliable, organised and have enjoyed the experience a great deal.

Whilst studying for my NC sport Development, I began to focus on the career path I was interested in, which I find was coaching and helping others improve and learn upon their desired sport. I completed CSLA in my first year as well as First Aid and I completed HSLA in my second year as well as Level 1 Coaching in Basketball. I also Achieved Key Skills level 3 and Working with Others level 2. I gained better communication skills through playing sports and gained more confidence by doing many presentations. I have also learnt the importance of team work and reliability.

I am a very enthusiastic person who is able to get along with most people and I always get involved in activities. I am also a very musical person and I have played the drums for 5 years and I like to listen to all kinds of music. I use to play in a band, which earned me some extra money and boosted my confidence in front of many people.

I am a reliable, enthusiastic, self motivated member of the college. I am sure that this course will help me meet the challenges I will face in the Sports industry and help me to achieve my career aspirations for the future.