I am a 19 yr old male. I am coming to the end of my first semester at a prestigious university. Problem is that I absolutely hate this and I am wrestling with some big decisions here.
I have always been intelligent and it was always assumed that I would make something of myself. Both my parents have degrees (mom is doctor and dad is consultant). As a result I've grown up in an upper-middle class environment where I wanted for nothing. I got an education at a private school, have insurance, medical-aid, funds set aside which I now have access to, a maid, swimming pool, my own laptop, blackberry and didn't pay for any of it. It seems as though my end of the deal was simply to be a good student.
Which I was. I was always one of the top students, receiving merit awards and finally getting academic honours at high school. I also felt like I portrayed a good, "normal" student with high intelligence and a close group of friends even though I felt like I was not. I have always been quite introverted and private, so the many issues I had during my teenage yrs were well hidden. At the center was a problem with constant fatigue and acting out which led to me being put on antidepressants for a few weeks (though I'm not diagnosed as depressed). This was followed by me acting out again at which point my self-cutting problem was exposed to my parents. I was sent for a session with one of my mother's colleagues who said it was stress and worry, and left feeling like my issues were resolved. Despite all this private stuff I managed to do well in high school and get a place at the best university in my country.
Going in to university I had no idea of the commitment this would actually be. I realised within weeks that I hated the school (self-fulfilling prophesy?) and that I disliked the course. I already told my parents I had no interest in economics or where it would take me but eventually agreed with them that 3 yrs to get a serious degree and then after that I could do what I want. But since starting my motivation and work ethic have been shocking. I went there to learn but it felt a lot like regurgitating. I made no new friends and was lucky one old friend was studying there. A lot of the people seemed more interested in drinking or getting high, and like they were not there to learn but get the certificate. I thought there would be many more artists, scientists, revolutionaries and contemplators. I did meet some people I found interesting and introduced myself, but they ended up ignoring me when they got new friends which I put down to my poor social skills (I'm REALLY introverted which can make others feel awkward). I also live off-campus with people who make way too much noise and find sharing everything uncomfortable. Despite this, when I went home for easter break I pretended like everything was going well and exaggerated the good stuff. Well, going back was miserable and that darkness hasn't lifted since. I really fell apart this second term. Stressing over a degree I did not want has really brought out the worst in me. My room is an utter disaster, I write thousand word essays the night before they're due, did not go to some lectures for weeks at a time and just generally being useless. Not to mention all the weight I had lost from not eating and the dirty clothes from not doing laundry. All this time seems to have gone to sleeping. Yes, sleeping! I somehow have two separate sleep cycles (afternoon and night) that probably come to twelve hrs a day. Somehow I have managed to do well in three of my four courses but the one I failed happens to be my major-economics. Through my own recklessness and immaturity I have ruined the whole thing. Academics is the only thing I know I can do; essentially I'm a one trick pony and I'm screwing it up. I have never felt so hopeless and demotivated and I hate my life. I want to cut again but can't since I live in this great commune. I can see the life I dreamed of slipping through my fingers like so much water. I mean what do I have left?
This brought me to the question of drop-out or stick it out? If I drop-out it would only be temporary until I figured out what I want to do with my life. I feel that it is important that I live on my own and work and/or volunteer to get some true life experience. Living on my own will also teach me the basics that I was too inept to do like cooking and laundry (I've always had a maid do this). Basically just sort myself out and become college ready. And hopefully the money I get from working will help pay back my parents for this wasted semester. I also have a lease here for another six months which I don't know what to do with. I am aware that the job market is pretty dead right now and that I have no work experience or even a drivers license. Which leaves sticking it out and hoping the second term gets better and that my work ethic recovers after this break. Possibly a lot of first years feel this bad at the beginning, like they are begging to die, but then things turn around.
I am aware my question is ridiculously long and gets a bit whiny at parts but I am glad to get it out there. So have other people felt like this and what did you do? If you dropped-out (temporarily) did you find it easy to get work? Was it a maturing experience? Did you figure out what you want to do? And if you stayed in did it eventually get better? Did the agony at the beginning make you a better person? And of course I would like to know for my situation which is better: drop-out or stick-it-out

Welcome to the real world.

So you want to work at Walmart or pehaps work for a plumber carrying pipe> The country club, and swimming pool and a maid and the such is over now, unless you get back to it and find a way to make your own living.

So decide if you want to suffer though a few years of college ( maybe change and go to a JR college closer to home. Or to a 'less prestigioius" school where you can fit in or feel better at.

If not, go and find a job, and see what the rest of us do every day, for the rest of your life.