My belief is that people don't change, they just grow older. And if they are lucky they learn a few things along the way that make them better, stronger people.

Don't waste your time trying to change someone to suit you it never works.

Is that true? Just think about someone trying to change you. Do you think they could?

What you can do is learn to accept people for what and who they are. And we do that by allowing people to be themselves. People we care about, we learn to forgive. People who keep pissing us off, we learn to distance ourselves from them.

Life is too short to go around forgiving everybody.

The thing to remember is that no one is perfect. Love and respect yourself first and others will love and respect you. If they don't, then you must decide whether they are worth your time and energy.

Everyone is on a journey and some are further along the road than others - don't try to hold anyone back, and don't allow them to hold you back either.

Finally, we learn from every relationship we find ourselves in.

Once you realise and accept that you are on a journey - a personal and spiritual journey - no matter where you are or what you are doing... Your time is never wasted.

RubyPitbull

Yagita, your postings are very thoughtful and I hope everyone who visits them will come away with a little more understanding of themselves and the people around them. Sometimes, we need a little reminder here and there.

I think I am going to start calling you Yoda when I see you on the boards here.

shygrneyzs

You are right, absolutely right - no one can change another person. All of my psych professors said the very same thing - the only person who can change is the person themselves. Even then, the core characteristics do not change. You can go through counseling to gain insight on why you drink and can change that. You can go through therapy to better a marriage. You can learn how to raise your children.

But if you are a sexual predator - that is not going to change. If you are somone who murders, that is not going to change. There are some core things that just will not change.

You are right about learning to accept the other person right where they are. Do not expect that person to be up on top of the mountain in order for you to accept who they are. Maybe they cannot get over the hill and need you to accept them when they are down in the valley. If you cannot accept that person, then get the hell out of their way. You are not doing them any favors.

You are so right about loving and respecting yourself first. If you cannot accept yourself, who in the world can? Why would anyone else bother? The kind of people you will attract are the control freaks and users and abusers and those who take every advantage possible of your time/energy/talent/love/etc. Oh man, don't we read or hear about that on the daily news or right here in the forum? Margaret Paul, PhD, has an excellent article on becoming an emotional victim. Just in case anyone wants to look that up.

You can be kind, generous, thoughtful, considerate, patient, loving, and compassionate in your dealings with others. That does not mean you wait and say "excuse me" when someone walks all over you. You do not have to hold yourself out like that on a continual basis for that person. Like you said, Yagita, you learn to distance yourself from that person. You can be honest about it, I would hope so. People need to know the truth as it is possible no one ever told them. It is then up to them to make the changes.

You right, time is never wasted. A relationship is never wasted either. We do learn, either for the better or for the worse.

Jesushelper76

No one can change somebody else. The only time a person can change is if they change themselves.

Yagita

Thank you for your contributions to this thread, Folks.

I know we can’t save the world but it doesn’t stop us from trying.

Forgive me if I seem to be getting ahead of myself sometimes but I have always believed prevention is better than cure.

If one person reads something we have wrote and goes on to a happier, pain-free life, it will have been worth our time and energy. I’m sure you will agree.




The Starfish ~

An old man was walking along the beach, when he came upon a part of the sand where thousands of starfish had washed ashore. A little further down the beach he saw a young woman, who was picking up the starfish one at a time and tossing them back into the ocean.
"Oh you silly girl," he exclaimed. "You can't possibly save all of these starfish. There's too many."
The woman smiled and said, "I know. But I can save this one, " and she tossed another into the ocean, "and this one", toss, "and this one..."

Rae24

well...it's true. But how about trying to change the faith of a person u know won't change? THAT to me is not a waste of time...on the contrary..it's something to make you feel proud of. As long as the deed is for the better.

RubyPitbull

I am sorry Rae, I don't agree with that. Why on earth would you try to change the faith of a person "you know won't change"? If they won't change, then all you are accomplishing is the possibility of losing a friend, and guaranteeing animosity of another person towards you for trying to force them to change. No Rae, you may feel the deed is for the better because of your faith, but we are not put here on this earth to attempt to force people to see that our way is the only way. I think making yourself proud and another person miserable is a very selfish act indeed.

powerpuff

You can never change one person though you can always help him find ways to change himself. Oneself would always have its unique identities which is unchangeable but can be enhanced through good words of wisdom and application.

VirtuSmoke.com