Check out some similar questions!

micnicbrad · Nov 5, 2009, 10:29 PM

My son 11, won't come near me because I started dating and falling in love with a older man. My son constantly cries and curses me. I have never dated in his life before and I am now ready. M y 15 yr girl is fine with it.[]

justcurious55 · Nov 6, 2009, 12:44 AM

While there's nothing necessarily wrong with you dating, your children need to come first. And they need to know that they come first. I imagine your daughter understands that you dating doesn't mean you won't have time for them anymore. But maybe your son is struggling with that. He probably just needs reassurance that he's not going to lose all of your attention to this new man. Also, since you've never dated, does that mean there has been no father figure in the house, and that he's been the little man of the house? If that's the case, I suspect he feels his role as man of the house is being threatened by this new man. And in his mind, it's because you're letting him in. I would talk to him. Reassure him. And help him work through his issues.

micnicbrad · Nov 7, 2009, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

while there's nothing necessarily wrong with you dating, your children need to come first. and they need to know that they come first. i imagine your daughter understands that you dating doesn't mean you won't have time for them anymore. but maybe your son is struggling with that. he probably just needs reassurance that he's not going to lose all of your attention to this new man. also, since you've never dated, does that mean there has been no father figure in the house, and that he's been the little man of the house? if that's the case, i suspect he feels his role as man of the house is being threatened by this new man. and in his mind, it's because you're letting him in. i would talk to him. reassure him. and help him work through his issues.

The father figure in the house has been my father, his grandpa, for most of his life. I have reassured my son numerous times on this, included him as much as possible, and showed him how hurt I am for the anger he has shown. At this time he is living with my parents at his request, about 30 minutes away. I see him everyday, yet am constantly text and called by my son... up to 30 times a day. He knows I love him.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 7, 2009, 07:16 PM

Well I am not there but a few things not picking an 11 year old is not a 15 year old, there is a lot of maturity difference, esp since a 15 year old is either dating or ready to date.

But at the end of a day a 11 year old is still a child and a lot of things are going to happen in their life they are not going to like and at times they are just going to have to be forced to accept things.

I really don't feel letting them run away from the issue by living somewhere else is the answer,
For several reasons,

You never said where his father is ( and does he and 15 year old have same fathers)

It is very possible the 11 year old has grown up feeling he is really the man of the house and this is a real threat to his position

MY opinion you start him in family counseling which would be forcing him home after a while

barbiechick123 · Nov 7, 2009, 10:30 PM

At least your older daughter is accepting... At eleven kids are too immature and too used to how things are, that change becomes something hard to deal with. I think you should talk to your son and ask him why he doesn't like this, etc. Actually ask for your son's opinion. Where is his dad? Did he die? Divorce?

justcurious55 · Nov 7, 2009, 11:49 PM

How long have you been dating this man? And how long has your son been getting to know him. Mom's new boyfriend is a big change for a kid. Maybe he needs more time to get used to it. I think chuck has some excellent advice. Family counseling can be very helpful.