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    What to say to your girlfriend when she says she is not feeling the love anymore?

    Asked Jan 7, 2012, 08:18 PM 3 Answers
    We have been going out for 3 years and everything was going amazing, like nothing could get in our way. Then a few weeks later she comes to me and says that she is not feeling the love between us anymore and she wants time apart to sort her head out. What do I say to her ? That it will all be OK and that she is just being silly or that I back down and let her do what she wants. But I don't want to say the wrong thing to her just in case I will turn her more away from me. I'm just want the pain to go away. Can someone please tell me what is best

    Last edited by talaniman; Jan 11, 2012 at 04:20 PM.
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    reckless's Avatar
    reckless Posts: 109, Reputation: 30
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    #2

    Jan 8, 2012, 12:19 AM
    I have had this same thing happen to me. I was hardheaded and stupid so I didn't listen to any of the advice I was given. I was reckless. Don't be like me. I called and called her, texted her incessantly, and stalked her Facebook every moment of the day. I was paranoid and insane. I did get her back in the end by ignoring her and agreeing with the break up. She came back to me once she saw that I was the same old amazing person once again after I took some time alone to find myself. We broke up a second time for the same lack of spark as the first time. She just said she was changing and that she wasn't feeling the same about me, that we were growing up etc. I let my heart break twice. Don't give your girl that chance.

    First off you should stop trying to get her back. Accept that it's over. It will hurt much less in the long run. Don't hang on to gleaming hopes because there will be a lot of them. She may call you or text you and ask how you're doing or you might see something cute from her on Facebook that you think might have something to do with you. She may even tell you she misses you but remember that it is over.

    Do not try to contact her. She wants her space to figure things out so let her come to you. But don't start waiting for her, go out and do something with yourself. Don't ask her how long she needs, think about how long you need to set aside for yourself. You'll have a lot more free time now so find out what you like to do.

    If you don't contact her and do your own thing she will at the bare minimum ask how you're doing. This doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean she wants to get back with you it just means she's curious. She just wants to know that you still need her even when she doesn't need you. Reassess where you are in your life and if she's still what you want. Remember that if you go back to her the threat of breakup will always loom in the back of your mind because it's happened once before. It's the same concept as cheating. If it happens once it'll probably happen again or you'll sabotage it into happening again by acting on your fears.

    Sorry this was so long and I was so passionate about it but seriously no contact, wait for her to come to you, find yourself, reassess your life, and decide if she's really what you want or if this is even worth repairing.

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    awesomagic's Avatar
    awesomagic Posts: 69, Reputation: 46
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    #3

    Jan 8, 2012, 10:45 AM
    Based on what you've said, it's really hard to tell. I really don't know what her personality is like day in and day out. So try this: take your cues from her. Watch her body language and listen to the exact tone of her voice when she speaks (I assume that communications are still ongoing). If she speaks timidly, then she's not so sure of herself. You can be very convincing to her as long as you talk common sense to her. On the other hand, if she speaks boldly and with confidence, then take her completely at her word, she's not bluffing. She will tell you what her true intentions are, you just may have to listen really carefully. Other than that, I really need more specifics concerning the dynamics of your relationship. But you may be hesitant to devulge more info. Whatever you do, don't tell her that she is being silly, To her, it is dead serious. Best of luck.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,067, Reputation: 10289
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    #4

    Jan 8, 2012, 05:03 PM


    You tell her it was your pleasure and thank her for the good times, then you back so far off you disappear.

    She is trying to dump you nicely, so help her. So you can plan a mourning and healing period for yourself to come to terms with her feelings changing. In this way you keep your dignity, and self respect, and can focus on making good adjustments for yourself, so you can move on to better things and not be stuck in the past.
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