Hey, this is my first question, just decided to vent and try this out

Well i'm 15, and stupid as it sounds, i think i'm in love.
The girl is 13 (but she's mature for her age, don't get me wrong!) I've liked her for over a year now, and jeez this will be hard to explain!

Well we started talking at a performance we were doing and you know, i'd seen her around and of course i had noticed her before because she is seriously amazingly beautiful. Anyway we became friends, but the problem was because of timetables we never really saw each other much at school, but i was friends with one of her best friends and apparently she talked about me a lot. Only problem was that i knew it would be ridiculously difficult for anything to happen (remember this was over a year ago!) and i kind of decided it wasn't worth trying...
Anyway around July we started another performance and we were still only just on speaking terms if you can understand what i mean. And heck i guess you can say i fell for her.
The thing you have to understand about her is that, she's different to other girls i know, she seems really shy and innocent, but when u become close friends with her she's really talkative and funny, but she doesn't tend to tell anyone her thoughts or feelings, and (IMPORTANT) she doesn't seem very into dating, she's only had one boyfriend and it ended badly, and because i know all this, i haven't asked her out or anything.

ANYWAY... she knows my feelings for her, her friends have told her, my friends have told her, i've written her a poem explaining, and well basically things went to sh** because my friends thought i was wasting my time, and then some of them decided to take it upon themselves to talk about it to her and they made things worse really, so i had a long conversation with her on msn, and i suggested starting over, which is what we did, and i don't think anybody (especially my friends) understand how hard it was for me to lose about a years worth of relationship building, and truthfully i was really down, and hurt.

Moving on to more reccently, things have picked up again, i openly talk to her about my feelings, and we joke about it sometimes, and now when we talk face to face, she doesn't freeze up or look away, she looks at me and smiles. We've even started meeting up out of school ( of course not alone, it's usually her, one of her friends, my best friend who had nothing to do with talking to her, and I)

But right now i'm stuck because, i know i need to wait it out, but it's really painful, nobody seems to know why she doesn't want to be with me, she even told me that it wasn't because of me, and i'm leaving school in 8 or so weeks, and i'm petrified that i will lose touch with her It's very easy for people to tell me to move on, but i know who i am, and i know that after knowing this girl, no other girl will compare
So i'm just wondering, How can i make it easier, how can i keep these feelings inside me without exploding?!?!

I really appreciate anybody giving up their time to read this, it really means a lot to me to be able to vent like this, as i don't really get any opportunities to do so.

HistorianChick

By any chance, are the "performances" you're talking about theatre?? You are amazingly expressive and settled for a 15 year old guy. I've done a bit of professional and community theatre and you seem like some of the teens that I've worked with.

Ok, on to your question. What can you do to keep these feelings inside without exploding? Hon, why keep them inside?? You've told this girl that you have feelings for her, have you tried actually asking her out? Have you said, "You know how I feel about you, its been X amount of time and I still feel this way. Would you consider going out for coffee with me? Let me take you to a movie, buy you popcorn and m&ms. Let me show you how awesome I can be as a boyfriend!" Have you actually said that?? Could she be waiting for you to simply ask??

People say "move on" too quickly. You know in your heart that even if you did "move on" she would be the standard upon which every other girl will be measured. That's an amazing thing...

Lets say you do leave school and you leave with a beautiful friendship, but nothing more. Hon, that is more than most kids your age have. You've been exposed to this angel-girl and have her as your standard. It will keep you from a lot of heartache growing up... knowing what you want, knowing what your best is, knowing that unless they are same or better, other girls just don't cut it... that is awesome.

I hope that this girl realizes what a catch you are and decides to take a step of faith... but if she doesn't, you have an amazing future...

Hope this helped a little, it was just a bit of my ramblings... if it didn't, ask me again... lol

Good luck!

EDIT - ooo... just thought of something else.... maybe her parents don't want her to date.... she IS only 13.... could be??

Dalek-Shirt

I'm not sure whether this is how i reply, but i'll give it a go

yes i do mean theatre, as a matter of fact i've got a play (with the girl in question) tonight, which is why i've not been at school today... (i hurt my knee in last nights show, so i've been resting it today)

Thanks a lot, your reply really means a lot to me, as for her parents, they probably don't want her dating (she's very work focussed), but they know about me (she told her mum, which apparently she never does)
and they seem like really nice people.
As for asking her out, i have a kind of understanding with her, that i wont, and i know she doesn't want me to, but i guess on the last day i have nothing to lose really so i'll give it a shot, just so people can't say i never even tried (and yes i have told her this )

Thanks again.

HistorianChick

I knew it was theatre! It takes one to know one.

That being "known", darlin, you're going to be fine.

I think maybe the parent issue could be the crux of the matter. She's young, you're 15 - older, but still young - don't worry.

Again, having a standard is an awesome thing at such a young age. I wish I had had one!

(BTW: what play?? I've been in countless! )

HistorianChick

Oh, and for a girl to tell her Mum about a guy that she likes, it means something special. You're special.

And not the "stop-eating-the-paste" special, the unique-one-of-a-kind special.

Dalek-Shirt

Thanks.

Well the play we are doing at the moment, is really nothing more than a sketchshow, mostly written by younger students, i'm mostly there to help out the director, and to keep order backstage which is proving rather difficult.

and just so you know, if all goes well, I may be going cinema with her (and 2 more close friends i mentioned) on saturday, so fingers crossed.

And as for the age thing, in my opinion she's worth waiting for, even though nothing is guaranteed, as long as there is a miniscule chance of something happening, i'll wait.

Thanks again, now i best be off to practise costume changes with this accursed knee