Im just wondering one quick thing: When it comes to age differences, how much is too much?

J_9

Okay, you see, a boy at age 17 is turning into a man. By agenda I mean he is, or should be, focusing on college and his future, etc, not a young just turned teen girl.


At age 13 a girl is focusing on who in her class got their period first as well as her grades.

If any of you have ever studied developmental psychology as I have you would understand that they are currently in two totally different developmental stages in life.

I agree that many of our youngsters are more mature these days, but is that always a good thing? Really, is it? I mean they are more mature, we have higher drop out rates; they are more mature, we have higher teen pregnancy rates; they are more mature, our colleges are now more filled with non-traditional students; they are more mature, our unemployment rates are higher.

I am an old fashioned mother with high morals and values. If a 17 year old man came calling on my 13 year old girl, I would hit the roof.

We can agree to disagree, but at 17 many boys have experienced sex, many 13 year old girls haven't or should not have.

At age 17 a boy can be charged with crimes when it comes to a 13 year old girl that will stick with him for the rest of his life. I would hate to see that happen to anyone.

While my daughter has friends this age, that is as far as it will go. They will remain friends until they are in the same developmental life stages and/or she is 18 and I can no longer help her make the right decisions in her life.

J_9

By reading this and your other posts, I am.

Be glad I wasn't your mother, but if I were you would surely have manners and respect.

bluerose

We also have a higher teenage birth rate because we dictated rather than informed and enlightened. The thirteens going on fourteens are older and wiser than we were. We cannot keep them home and lock them up. Give them the relevant information - the facts of Life. All the facts with pictures if necessary! And then trust them to know what is best for them.

kamria

well maybe if you were 13 not over 16,14 not over 17,15 probably your age or 16-17[[maybe 18]]if parents are okay.if you truely cared for eachother then you guys wouldnt do something illegal and get eachother in trouble<333

J_9

I think you totally misunderstand what I am saying here. Dictating is such a strong word. A good parent does inform and enlighten. Just as I would inform and enlighten my daughter that a 17 year old is too old for a 13 year old.

Now, it is the parents of the 13 and 17 year old who do not inform and enlighten their children who will see teen pregnancy.


As I spend many a day with hundreds of 13 - 14 year olds at my daughter's school, I have to somewhat disagree with this post. They are older and more mature than we were at that age, but they definately are not wiser. If they were then drug abuse would have declined rather than skyrocketed, teen pregnancy would have declined instead of skyrocketed also.

I see teens on a daily basis who have NO respect for their elders. Heaven forbid if I had no respect for my elders when growing up!!!!

I see teens who make very poor decisions all the time, weekly in fact. This has nothing at all to do with dictating or being informed and enlightened. This has to do with bad parenting.

It is the good parent (and I like to think I am one) who teaches the children that they must bear the consequences to their actions...It is the good parent who gives the child choices to make as well as letting them know the good and the bad that can come from each decision they make....It is the good parent who sets rules and boundaries and remains consistent.


I agree with this statement, but they also need to know the outcome of potential actions. Not just relevant information

It is the good parent who provides the WHOLE picture rather than relevan information.

I still stick to my beliefs that a 17 year old is way too old for a 13 year old. All of the 17 year olds I know are now preparing for college, taking their ACTs and SATs, getting jobs, going to drive-in movies with their significant others (and trust me, I know what goes on at drive-ins lol), many are smoking and drinking at this age too.

Now, for the 13 year olds I know. The girls are interested in who got their period first and who doesn't have theirs yet, they are interested in Pokemon and who is going out with who for more than 2 days.

I know and understand Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and how these two age groups are totally and completely developmentally different.

Catalyst93

[quote=J_9]Now, for the 13 year olds I know. The girls are interested in who got their period first and who doesn't have theirs yet, they are interested in Pokemon and who is going out with who for more than 2 days.
QUOTE]

Might I interject that not al 13 year old girls are like that. Most of my friends - myself included- are interested in academics, school in general, their friends and their hobbies. My friends range in age from 11- 18, as we all have either school or acting in common. I have met many 13 and 14 year olds who are vastly more mature- mentaly and socialy, if not physicaly- than most 18- 19 year olds.

Thank you for all your advice, though i must say that not all age groups can be classified with sweeping generalizations.

ST3V3NZBABYZMAMII

the age difference is BIG but u also have to think about how much trouble this person can get in if the wrong person finds out

bushg

catalyst : I have a 13 yr old daughter. a boy in my son's junior class...they also played on summer league and school ball together. (17)became interested in my daughter...he is cute and sweet and very nice and childish. Like my 17 yr old son( his peer ) said mom" it is the ones that are immature ones that you have to watch out for. they do not have the ability to make sound decisions" I did not forbid her to talk to him, she saw him at the games and talked to him on my space.he would even come to our house with a bunch of other kids to play basketball, .and she talked to me about him...but I did forbid her to go anywhere with him or hang at the park with him. She is also aware that she is to young to date anyone whether he is 12 or 20. we do not allow it. well .this went on for a few months. and she has decided that he is just a silly ,sad boy that has a terrible relationship with his parents. and he is now dating another 8th grader,(one of her class mates). you see some boys like to date younger girls because it is easier for them to deal with because they are not as mentally mature as the rest the 17 yr olds. even tho they are physically, or it may even be that they think that they can pressure a younger girl into things that they can't get a girl their age to do. talk to your mom or dad, or maybe another adult. do things that 13 yr old girls should be doing. you will grow up soon enough. good luck and always respect yourself and your values. Never let anyone do anything to you that makes you feel uncomfortable just to make them happy.

bushg

j 9 our world is a better place because of people like you . I for 1 as parent with a 13 year old well developed daughter and a 15 year old son and a 17 yr old son. agree with you...my kids would have done so many things, if I had been a submissive parent, afraid or to lazy to enforce rules on behavior, grades...etc My kids have tried many things and they have been dealt with accordingly...and they know what is not acceptable in our home, and when they are out..and their girl friends and friends know. I am at my childrens school every day and I to see the bad decisions that these teenagers make that can screw up the rest of their lives. esp our girls, we as women need to stick together to ensure that these generations of girls will not be door mats, sex toy's and punching bags, for the men of this world. That they can be educated, respected, well paid 1st class citizens of this world, and they don't have to use their bodies to get there! We should also be teaching our sons to be respectful of females, in private and public regradless of what the song lyrics say.

Kutie20

Okay. Depending on the 13 year old it could work. When I was 15 I dated a 20 year old. And I am 20 myself now and married to an 29 year old. He would have been 18 when I was 9. I was 18 when we got married. He was 27. Many people look at it wrongly but it all depends on the maturity level of the kids. But I do have to say that DO NOT DO SEXUAL THINGS. Having sex at 13 well the man could get in huge trouble. satatory rape. He may not have forced you but it does not mean he cannot get charged with it. Just be careful would be my advice. If you feel pressured dump him. Not all guys want sex though. My husband and I were both virgins until our wedding night. Remember he was 27. good luck and be careful.