i feel hopeless, my kids have virtually pushed my partner out of their lives and mine. now i have to sneak around to see her. what should i do? should i stop seeing this person that i love, just because my teenagers have told me so?
i am very confused.............
yoyokerk

Fr_Chuck

The ridicule and harassment your children could suffer from living in a non standard household has to be considered. Why many people accept non standard lifestyles publicly most don't truely accept it and your children are most likely ashamed. Depending on thier ages perhaps you should wait in finding a new partner till they are grown.

When my boys were teens I waited till the youngest left home before finding someone new since I did not want to add to an already hard situation.

Choices on lifestyle may be your choice, but you are not entitled to force this lifestyle on your children.

Have you considered allowing them to live with thier other parent if that is an option

ashley19

I am a teenager and i dont like my moms bf but i acept it for her..they r teenagers and should understand you love this person and you also need to be happy, if they dont understand this you shuld tell them..soon ur teens will be gone away creating their own lives..you need to look out for yourself..your teens are probably just thinking of their own embarressment..i think u should put ur foot dowr and do what is rite 4u their opinions r important but should not drive you and the one u love apart,,thats not fair..

kp2171

im not going to tell you right or wrong about sex of partner.

i will say that when i started dating my wife her daughter was sooooooo against me.

she basically said to me "shes a good person. shell come around"

she did. mostly when i started to force myseld into her life. the weekend i painted her room and bought new furniture was a turning point....not because i got her stuff, but she saw i was really vested in her.

took almost 1.5 years for her to warm to me, and even then, it took a few more for the relationship to be "special"...

so i guess im going to say you need to make healthy decisions for you and for your children. if this person is truly vested in being a part of their lives, and is willing to put up with a lot of noise, then maybe its fine.

i do NOT think the rambling, irrational thoughts of teens should dictate a parents actions. i do think the welfare of the kids should be considered.

there. that make things crystal clear? didnt think so.

yoyokerk

To all of you have been so kind and given me heeps of great advice,

Well everyone, I guess you do not need to worry about me anymore, as my partner and I have split. This has been for me a really big struggle and now that we are apart my stress level has gone down emensley.

I found out about 3 weeks ago that I have cancer and have had to focus whatever strength I have into preparing how I am going to fight this. My fatique level has been very bad the last 6 months and now I know why.

Unfortunatley, when you are sick, you really find out who is there for you and who isn't. My children have been so supportive. My sister (who is a nurse) has moved in with me. I am so lucky. My partner decided that she could not support me and put her own need aside to care for me, therefore, we were left with no alternative but to end it. I am not a person that needs to be doted on all the time. However, in our relationship, It was expected that I be the strong one.

It was quite interesting to see the reaction of the children to our split. One was thrilled that it was finally over. My other daughter was sad for me. She was sad that I did not have a partner to see me through my illness and to particapate in all the appointments, ect.... I was last week in the hospital 3x by ambulance because of extreme pain.
Anyways thank you again,
greetings
Yoyokerk

fredg

HI,
You do not say what part of the World you live in; I live in the US in VA.
Sharing this might help somewhat.
My wife was found to have lower base tongue cancer in Dec, 2003.
She went through Chemo and Radiation Treatments in 2004, with me retiring in 2004, to take care of her, and help her make all these trips every day to hospitals. Now, she is Cancer Free, and still recovering somewhat from all the Chemo treatments.
I do with you the best, and please talk with some of the good folks in Cancer Support Groups; probably at the hospital or the Cancer treatment facility. There is alway very positive things happening, and it's just one day at a time.
I do wish you the best.

kp2171

so sorry to hear this.

if you need a place to vent, you know the site.

you've got a lot of work in front of you, but stay strong, focused on yourself and your girls. my wife's friend's daughter was diagnosed with a nasty spinal cancer... took time, but she somehow got through it all. pain free and cancer free after 5 years.

best regards.

Chery

Hey girlfriend, you are not alone in this, you have your family, and you'll also meet new people, in and out of the clinic, as you go for your visits. I generally tell patients that it's not a good idea to get to know people while in the hospital, but I've just completed a four-week stint myself (spine operations) and I've had cancer too. Anyway, I met some nice people, nurses and patients, that I will continue to stay in contact with now, and am the richer for getting to know them.

You too will get to know new people and find comfort in the friendships evolved from this. And probably more understanding ones than the ones you know now.

Sorry that your girlfriend did not stay - but this shows you that she was not cut out for a long-standing relationship as much as you are.

Now you can concentrate on looking forward, without the stress. And you'll probably win your other daughter over with a new relationship too. She probably saw somthing in the relationship that you did not see, and didn't know what it was except that she did not agree with it. Sometimes things like this see the light too late, but you're lucky that it was found out early enough. I'm sure she will approve of the 'special' person in your life, once you find the right one.

Until then, please keep us posted, you know that we are here for you every step of the way, and can let it all out here, so stay with us..

Wishing you all the best,

Chery



Sending you and yours a lot of HUGS!

anexpert

i think that you should do what makes you happy and if your children love you then they would want you to be happy. i would say just sit down and talk with them and let them know how happy your lover makes you and then speak with you partner and try to make a compromise between your children and your lover.you shouldnt have to choose.