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I'm a poet and I can't even write my usual depressive anecdotes anymore, I've been abandoned by my mother, dumped by my boyfriend on Easter, backstabbed by my best friend of 5 years, my godmother died, my sister nearly died last year, my father nearly died last year as he suffered another heart attack, I can't work cause I can't afford to get there, I'm more like a mum to my two younger sister than their big sis and I'm just so very depressed and alone. I'm 18 years old, have been for six months, I haven't been out in all that time cause I can't afford it, I can't even listen to my music because my stereo's broken and I can't afford to fix it, I can't even see my friends cause they live so far away and are always so busy. I would still be drinking if I could afford it, I feel like I'm cracking up and I'm all alone...
My dad is working all the time just to keep the roof over our heads, every second week I don't eat so my sisters can (most of the time they can) I can't get into study cause we can't afford it and I'm so depressed no one will give me a job even if I could get there. Can somebody please help me?
I don't want to burden my family with my problems. I hoped by now that my father wouldn't have to work as hard but now he has to work three times as hard without mum helping to pay bills. I'm 18 so I get paid minimum wage no matter where I go, it's about $10 an hour and I barely get 20 hours a week! Plus I have my two sisters to care for since my dad is on nightshift four nights a week. I get $207 from centrelink a fortnight, like they think I can survive on that or something! I don't know what to do anymore...
I am excited about the possibilities of what you write in your poetry! Such writing is not obsolete and people really do notice it. I notice it as well as others here as you can see. Writing in various ways is one of the ways that shapes the world that we live in. Please do keep sharing! The Writing or Art topic areas here are places that you can also express what you do with your writing.
Who is it that tells you that what you write means nothing? That really ticks me off that someone would say that! I think that you need to consider the source of those comments before integrating them into your way of thinking. We do care about you here!!
I just would like to add one more thing, Monique. And, that would be that your voice will be heard here! From here, the possibilities are endless. It is possible to gain friendships/associations outside of and as a result of using this site.
If I fall away what shall I miss?
I'll miss the people that now matter most.
My dad, my sisters, even my dog,
So I try to let go of the darkness I host.
I have painted and I have written,
My friends are supportive, even strangers are kind.
Still the world endeavors to make my life difficult,
And I want to cut the ropes, the ties that bind.
I want to be free to do what I want,
I want to be happy and for that I need closure.
I need the answers only that one person can give,
And because he's wrong he avoids exposure.
He won't talk to me, won't answer my queries,
And I want to know is he scared to feel?
I see a glimmer in the darkness,
And to me it seems real.
Hurting for so long and so much,
Wanting to voice my heart to everyone.
Afraid to hurt the ones I love,
And I'm shut down in all I've become.
I'm hiding behind closed doors,
I'm hiding something behind my eyes.
The pain and disbelief I feel,
All the unspoken sighs.
So this glimmer in the darkness,
Could it be what i was searching for?
Will it be something I can hold onto,
Or something I'll ignore?
I need the answers from him and her,
I need the questions to stop coming.
I need to reach out and not be afraid,
I know all this and I'm still running.
Can't catch my breath,
Tripping over my feet.
For I've been running too long,
What am I going to meet?
Dead ends or no ends?
Heart breaks or heart aches?
True people or just fakes?
Somebody tell me about the Glimmer in the darkness...
My dear monique...
I can relate to this.. I honestly can.
If you'd had 'my daughter, my grandson, and my cat' on the third line, you would have had my feelings exactly at present.
My 'home' of heart is the USA and due to my illnesses and health insurance here in Germany, I feel like a prisoner of body and country and sometimes get depressed and angered at this fact.
But, as I said, I am not giving up until I take my last breath, so I sincerely hope that you don't either.
You have a right and deserve to be here and search for your happiness as much as anyone else does in this world - so keep up that fight darling... and I also hope we can somehow help you reach your dreams.
Bless you sweet.
Never give up, no matter how much harder it will get, there is always hope as long as we exist. Sending you a great big Virtual Hug!
If I fall away what shall I miss?
I'll miss the people that now matter most.
My dad, my sisters, even my dog,
So I try to let go of the darkness I host.
I have painted and I have written,
My friends are supportive, even strangers are kind.
Still the world endeavors to make my life difficult,
And I want to cut the ropes, the ties that bind.
I want to be free to do what I want,
I want to be happy and for that I need closure.
I need the answers only that one person can give,
And because he's wrong he avoids exposure.
He won't talk to me, won't answer my queries,
And I want to know is he scared to feel?
I see a glimmer in the darkness,
And to me it seems real.
Hurting for so long and so much,
Wanting to voice my heart to everyone.
Afraid to hurt the ones I love,
And I'm shut down in all I've become.
I'm hiding behind closed doors,
I'm hiding something behind my eyes.
The pain and disbelief I feel,
All the unspoken sighs.
So this glimmer in the darkness,
Could it be what i was searching for?
Will it be something I can hold onto,
Or something I'll ignore?
I need the answers from him and her,
I need the questions to stop coming.
I need to reach out and not be afraid,
I know all this and I'm still running.
Can't catch my breath,
Tripping over my feet.
For I've been running too long,
What am I going to meet?
Dead ends or no ends?
Heart breaks or heart aches?
True people or just fakes?
Somebody tell me about the Glimmer in the darkness...
I feel a fair bit better now, I met a really nice guy and we wanted to get together, we had so much in common and we stayed up the whole night talking at his place. He had been dumped that day and me just a week and a half earlier, everything was going fine until his ex's roommate calls and says that his ex had called her from work in tears saying she had made a big mistake dumping him and was going to call him when she got home. She never called and he then had a moral dilemma because he told me he found me very attractive and liked me a lot but he also said that if he could he would have to try to fix it because they had a 5 year relationship and he said he loved her. I'm kind of broken up about it, I like him more than I probably should and he has the same sort of general values as I do, we relate really well...
It's so far out of my hands but should he not be able to work things out for whatever reason I'm also worried that my dad won't like him very much if we started dating, he has a lip ring and an eyebrow piercing and my dad is completely against facial piercings. It doesn't bother me one bit, in fact I really like it cause they suit him. Other than that he's only two years older than me, 20, he owns his own home outright because his family died in a house fire a long time ago and he's good with money. So I'm very conflicted on a lot of issues with this guy.
I feel a fair bit better now, I met a really nice guy and we wanted to get together, we had so much in common and we stayed up the whole night talking at his place. He had been dumped that day and me just a week and a half earlier, everything was going fine until his ex's roommate calls and says that his ex had called her from work in tears saying she had made a big mistake dumping him and was going to call him when she got home. She never called and he then had a moral dilemma because he told me he found me very attractive and liked me a lot but he also said that if he could he would have to try to fix it because they had a 5 year relationship and he said he loved her. I'm kind of broken up about it, I like him more than I probably should and he has the same sort of general values as I do, we relate really well...
It's so far out of my hands but should he not be able to work things out for whatever reason I'm also worried that my dad won't like him very much if we started dating, he has a lip ring and an eyebrow piercing and my dad is completely against facial piercings. It doesn't bother me one bit, in fact I really like it cause they suit him. Other than that he's only two years older than me, 20, he owns his own home outright because his family died in a house fire a long time ago and he's good with money. So I'm very conflicted on a lot of issues with this guy.
Monique,
Hi! Great to hear from you. Well, if you can manage to be just friends with this guy (which I think, you think, your feelings have gone past that). This guy needs to work out
his issues with this ex. You are a bit vulnerable as well, just coming out of a relationship.
Monique, for right now, concentrate on things you like to do. Try and get stronger inside.
It's great that you have so much in common with this guy, and if you both agree to be just friends, and nothing more, then you both have gained a friend. However, each of you need to work things out as individuals first.
Slow down a bit. You just got out of a relationship, he's midstream, and your mind raced to what Dad would think.
I completely understand you want someone special in your life, but Monique, you are far too special not to be the only special one in someone's life.
I am sure this guy is a good guy. He was honest with his feelings about the other girl.
She regrets leaving him. The last think you need is to have your feelings grow deeper and then the two of them decide to get back together. You don't want to be caught up in the middle and then end up at the bottom.
It may be better to just let him work out his issues with this girl.
Do you think you could just be friends with this guy?
He got hurt and needs to heal in his own way and time, and this you have no control over.
You got hurt and still need to heal, in more ways than one and only you have control over how you accept your current situation and how you deal with it.
In my opinion, don't go beyond friendship if you can control yourself emotionally, and maybe you can help each other, but experience and common sense tells us that it's not safe to expose yourself to another eventual fall.
Concentrate on yourself and your family - gain and save your strength for what is needed to rehabilitate yourself and those you love right now.
This might not be what you want to hear, but I'm sure you also have thought of this and that's why you are in conflict with yourself. In my opinion - it's too early for more doubts and conflicts.
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