Clough

Are there any positive things that you can think of that have happened to you in recent days? I do know what it's like to feel like you are at the "rock bottom" of things!

You have the power to turn "scars into stars!" It's all a matter of choice and how your attitude toward things is.

Since you are poet, would you mind sharing some of what you have written with us here? If you would do that, it would help us to get a glimpse of more of who you are and what/how you are thinking.

We would be able to help you better then!

I know that there will be others who will be along to advise you here...

Thank you!

Allheart

Sweetheart,

You have more on your plate then one young lady should ever have. Bless you.
Because there is so much, to help work through it, scale it down...

Focus on Dad, your siblings and you. That's it. You don't have to be religous to contact
a church to seek assistance. Meaning perhaps they know of some organziations that can help.

I promise you, although these trials are many, they will make you stronger and when something good happens, you will be able to embrace it with all your heart.

I can only imagine, the pain that Mom has caused your heart and I am so sorry, so very sorry for that. Mom, is better off away for now, working out whatever she needs to.
See, the thing about parents is, we forget, they are only human and sometimes make mistakes, but what they don't realize is the effect it has on their children.

You are a beautiful bright and loving young lady. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I'd give you the world right now if I could. And trust me I have my thinking cap on
Would you be comfortable giving us a general idea where you are located, and we can look up organzations that are close to you. If not, please I understand.

Please stay in touch with us. My heart, our hearts are with you.

I know you are out of school now, but maybe this video can help, it gives a phone number to call.



Much love and care to you,
Allheart

Chery

Hi monique_minx. Welcome to AMHD - you came to the right place.

Even though we cannot snap our fingers and make things change, we can support you with our spirits and best wishes.

You came here.. honey, that means you are seeking for a way to go on with help in dealing with all that's on your plate instead of just giving up. That is one step you took that makes you different from a lot of other young people that have similar or worse, yes, even worse problems than you have - and I am proud of you for this step you took because I know how hard it is to vent and ask for help from strangers.

After reading both of your posts, I remembered many times in my life when I was on the edge of feeling so darned helpless and hopeless that it hurt beyond words. Being 57 now, and not having the internet or knowing that there were associations and therapists, social workers, pastors and more to reach out to made my trip to adulthood even harder because I thought I had no place at all to reach out to.

One thing I do know is that this is not your fault, not your dad's illness, your mom's leaving, the economic state that is on hold and not giving you a chance to make a decent living... none of these are your fault!

You are a very caring young lady with at least a few things going for you.. your poetry and family members you love - and I'm sure that you feel their helplessness and pain too - but you could all share these hours together and hug and console each other to try and make it a little easier at home emotionally. Whatever happens, please don't do the silent bit and carry the burden all on your own. Just as you probably had the opportunity to laugh together in the past, you also now have the opportunity to cry together, grow stronger together and bond - no matter what else gets thrown in your way in the future.

Also, know that we are here for you 24/7 and you can vent all you need to at any time. You can cry here, get downright angry and tell us about your day, your family and how you feel about them and what your wishes and goals are. We will be here to listen and as I said before, try and support you with our hearts and hopes.

Don't give up honey, stay with us and know that you are not alone.

firmbeliever

Hi Nikki,

Sorry to hear you are in such sad times,but I agree with the others who have given you such good advice and support,so much to think about.

Practically I think it would be nice if you could find a help/resource centre near you for young women which will help you cope and/or help you in searching for avenues of earning.
Other than that I can recommend reading,maybe a library nearby?You could spend some time every week there,read the newspapers or books whichever interests you.
Let that be your time,where you can escape into fictious stories or real ife dramas,or you could look up the newspapers there for anything that might be of help to you in finding a job and/or help centre.

I also found this(maybe another member could verify if this is a good place for Nikki or not?)
U.S. Department of Labor - Job Corps - What Is Job Corps?

Keep writing here Nikki.
.

AKaeTrue

You are going through a lot and it is very unfortunate and I'm sorry for that.
Please don't let the wrong doings done by other people and the struggles
you're going through right now in life lead you to believe that things cannot get better - because they can.
We are here to support you and listen, just hang in there.

monique_minx

Am i worth saving yet?

Tragedy has struck me again and again,

Backstabbed by my best friend.

Boyfriend left me in tears,

Holding onto my sweet fears.

Unemployed and broke,

No, it's not a joke.

Godmother had a stroke and passed away,

Left me wordless, nothing to say.

Sister cracked her skull and almost died,

My best friend's stuff that got fried.

I fell down the stairs and it scared me,

Tears still streaming and I can't see.

Sister slicing her wrists so she can feel,

How can this all be real?

Mother abandons my family,

Still we're here, I'm still me.

Tears are streaming,

Sister's screaming.

Can't break through the pain,

Heart breaks again and again.

Dog gets stolen and we weren't home,

No just sister's boyfriend alone.

Mother stole her and never came back,

How did things go from grey to black?

Dad suffers mild heart attack,

Thought he would die and I'd crack.

Scars from where a dog bit me,

With me forever can't you see?

Like the scars where my heart used to be,

Boyfriend ripped it out for free.

Costs so much to love so deeply,

Stop breaking me, I break so easy.

Can't stop loving, can't stop trusting,

Can't stop caring, can't stop fussing.

It's like I want so much to be loved,

But I'm just asking to be hurt.

If this is what it is to be human,

Then I don't want to be human no more.

I'd rather be dead then be hurt again,

By family, by boyfriend or by best friend.

No more and so there is one thing I want to know,

Just before everyone leaves to go.

I know that we've only just met,

But tell me, am I worth saving yet?

This is the last poem I wrote, thanks for everything guys, you made me cry!
I didn't think anyone would post a comment, I didn't think anyone would care.
I live in Ipswich, Queensland, Australia. That general area so that U.S jobs corps thing won't really be of much help to me, sorry.

For leaving me...

Do I hate you or love you

For leaving me?

Am I angry at you or sad about you

For leaving me?

I'm so much because you left me

Mostly I'm confused

Because I love you so much

Yet hate you at the same time

For leaving me.

My heart is breaking

I can feel it

It hurts and yet I'm numb

I want so much to live without you

Cause you hurt me so badly

But my heart won't let me move on

No matter if I'm angry or sad

I'm still thinking of you.

Are you sorry?

Do you care?

Do you love me still?

Are you thinking of me too?

Do you want it to be over?

Or do you regret it?

Why can't I get closure?

Why won't you tell me?

Why won't you answer my messages?

Why won't you talk to me?

And why are the questions neverending?

Why do the tears still flow?

You've moved on and I'm still standing here

Right where you left me

Tried to take my life for you

Over you

I reached for you

And you pulled away

I screamed for you

And you were deaf to me

All I need is you

And you closed your eyes.

So tell me my lovely why do I still hold my hand out?

Why do I still hear your voice?

And why do I still see you even when my eyes are closed?

Because I love you...

Even though you've left me...

And that's another one, the first one I wrote after my boyfriend dumped me.

Insides Shattered...

I'm lying on the floor,
Something you ignored.
You say you have a heart?
You said we'd never part.
To have a heart you need a beat,
You just stare at your feet.
No love I can live without you,
I can move past you.
I am loved beyond words,
I can fly with the birds.
I can live and I will laugh,
You can't say as much by half.
You two deserve each other,
You treated me just as bad as my mother.
But I assure you I can find another,
Someone who wants to be my lover.
So why don't you watch and hover?
I'm not taking it and ducking for cover.
You know I'm right so you avoid me,
I'll still be all that I know I can be.
You're beneath the dirt on which I stand,
What I want is a real man.
Goodbye Callum and love your ,
I know on your belt she's another stitch.
And I hate you so much for loving you so well,
Please my sweet love go and rot in hell.
You're a liar and she's a backstabber,
So my darling you can have her!!

That's the angry one and I wish, I really wish I felt that way but my heart won't let me move on and it just hurts more than it usually would. I actually loved Callum and I had already gone through so much so I think that's why it hurts more now then it would have two years ago...

Clough

Oh, yes! We will be here for you! We really do care! Please just keep posting. For our own times, some of us are on really late at night or very early in the morning. At least, that has been my experience with those on this site who are best able to respond to questions like yours.

Please do continue to share with us in whatever way that you can here!

I do like the way that you express yourself through your writing! I used to do that a lot when I was younger and in love or having difficulties of whatever kind.

I did promise that others would be along. They already have, and I'm sure that they will continue to come and share with you to help you to sort things out for yourself as you go through this difficult time in your life and to plan for your future.

Allheart

Monique,

My goodness are you talented. The sad truth is, it's possible that if you didn't have so many bumps in the road, this beautiful poetic spirit of yours would never have been born.

I would much rather you never have had any hurts, but as Clough said, turn it into stars.

There are some Aussie's that are members here and my know some organizations in your area to help you through these difficult times.

In the meantime sweetheart, you have us, and we are here to stay!!!

Clough

It's so very true that the "bumps in the road" can lead to turning us into the good artists that we might be! I know that has been true in my life!