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spiraljane23 · Apr 1, 2007, 11:45 PM

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and I trust with very much. He is not abusive, or mean or anything, he is great and I am very lucky to have him. There is a problem though and it is very complicated. My boyfriend cheated on his ex-girlfriend 2 years ago, and he regrets it terribly, but the girl that he had slept with claims to be in love with him. Now he doesn't talk to her on a regular basis or anything, and I feel that he has made it very clear that he is not interested in being "buddy, buddy" with this girl, but she doesn't seem to let up with letting him know that she is interested in him. I give my boyfriend credit for telling me the whole situation and I know that he could have kept it from me and I would've never known about it, but he was up front about the cheating and he was upfront about a blog that she wrote about him saying that he was her one and only true love and she knows that he has a girlfriend, me, and that he plans on getting married to me. Oh yeah and she wants to be invited to our wedding! This whole situation is driving me crazy. He is great and it doesn't phase him at all, but it does bother me. I don't know how to deal with this situation. My problem is not with him, but with her. I need to bring it up because it is starting to hurt me, but I don't want him to feel as if I don't trust him, and I definitely don't want him to think that he has to hide things from me. Like I said he was very honest about the situation, and I don't want that to change. Another problem is that I have brought up this girl before and I don't want him to think that I am, I don't know, obsessing about it. Or am I? Should I just leave it alone and suffer in silence? Or should I talk to him and if so how?

amychloe · Apr 2, 2007, 12:13 AM

Surely your boyfriend really loves you, but you must think twice since he has slept with someone else. But the best thing to do- I think, is talk to this girl since your problem is with her. Maybe tell her that your boyfriend is taken and tell her to find one her own and not to bother other people's relationship. About she writing on the blog, it could be her lying about it to get you in rage with your boyfriend. So don't believe it 100%.

If you insist to talk to your boyfriend, then the best thing to talk about is whether he still loves this girl or not- of course he said he doesn't but, there is still a possibility that he is cheating on you.

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 12:45 PM

The problem with talking to this girl is that I don't know her and I've never met her in my life. I know that my boyfriend is NOT cheating on me and that is not at all what I am worried about. I trust him and our relationship is very open and honest. I don't want to go behind his back and talk to this girl because that is betraying his trust and saying through my actions that I don't trust him enough to talk to him directly about it. Our relationship needs to withstand outer pressures and to do that we need to have a strong bond and to do that, all lines of communication need to be opened and exercised on a regular basis. I also know that he is not in love with this girl or has any feelings of that sort towards her. He considers her a friend, but nothing more than that. All I am asking advice on is HOW should I bring this up to him without making myself sound suspicious and jealous, because I really am not. It just bothers me that this girl has to basically make it publicly known that she has feelings for my boyfriend and it makes me uncomfortable. The only way to solve that is by talking to my boyfriend, but again, how does one bring up a touchy subject such as this?

talaniman · Apr 2, 2007, 01:27 PM

It just bothers me that this girl has to basically make it publicly known that she has feelings for my boyfriend and it makes me uncomfortable.

Could you elaborate on how you get this info if you have had no contact with her as I'm trying to understand why this is a problem.

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 04:15 PM

The internet

talaniman · Apr 2, 2007, 05:14 PM

Show it to your b/f and talk to him about it.

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 06:41 PM

Oh he knows about it, he is the one who showed me, there are no big secrets about it, I am just wondering about the best possible way to bring it up. If your significant other was uncomfortable about one of your friends and ends up disliking them, what should they say so that you do not feel like they are trying to control you and who you hang out withr?

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 07:11 PM

Well, I guess, I need to wait until I sort out my emotions and then sit down with him calmly and talk to him about it and express my feelings about the whole situatiion.

hair2007 · Apr 2, 2007, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by spiraljane23

Well, I guess, I need to wait until I sort out my emotions and then sit down with him calmly and talk to him about it and express my feelings about the whole situatiion.

I think if everything you say is true, you are both hosnest with each other and you know for sure there is nothing else going on, then I don't think I would say anything because she is just making her self look like a fool, let her keep doing it. If you show her you are getting aggravated she will love it.

Kriscool · Apr 2, 2007, 07:25 PM

Very true!!

talaniman · Apr 3, 2007, 04:15 AM

If he knows already, then its time to ignore her.

Krs · Apr 3, 2007, 04:20 AM

Right I have been through something similar when I first started dating my man...
You stated you don't know her to confront but maybe she needs to hear this from YOU to stop hassling your man...
Or a Tal said... ignore her...

ordinaryguy · Apr 3, 2007, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by spiraljane23

I don't want him to think that I am, idk, obsessing about it. Or am I? Should I just leave it alone and suffer in silence? Or should I talk to him and if so how?

Yes, you are obsessing about it. Yes, you should leave it alone. No, you should not suffer, in silence or otherwise. No, you should not talk to him about it. You already did that.

I don't see what the big problem is, honestly. So, she's still hung up on him, but he doesn't care for her, and apparently she's not being a pest in your presence since you've never even met her. What more do you expect your boyfriend to do about it? He can't make her take down her blog postings. Let it go. Move on. Don't think about her. It's over and done with. Forget it. If you can't do that, it's not your boyfriend's problem, it's yours, so don't drag him into it. Deal with it.

spiraljane23 · Apr 5, 2007, 10:40 AM

Ok,thanks guys. I really appreciate the advice. I am very confident and secure in my relationship and I know that I shouldn't let it get in the way of my happiness. It is his choice to remain friends with her, so I will leave it up to him to decide whether to cut his losses with her or not. But I will say this, she definitely is NOT invited to our wedding, as she so hopes to be. Thanks again.

loveless044 · Aug 15, 2010, 08:09 AM

Yeah I agree with hair2007... She's making herself look foolish and if she's not physically present in you and your boyfriend's life then you have nothing to worry about. Ignore her. Get married. Be happy. And eventually, if she isn't totally psycho, though it seems she is, she'll start to take a hint and leave you all alone.