[Kimmy718]

Our daughter has just turned 18 years old, still in her Senior Year of High School. Mixed up with some new friends and a new boyfriend that graduated last year (no job, DUI - no driving privileges, confirmed smokes pot occasionally). We are at a loss as to what to do about this situation. She has started negative talk about school, wants her freedom and no one telling her what to do anymore. She leaves and stays out -claims she is staying at a friends house - just to avoid curfew. We are at a loss of what to do!

[XM8]

SLAP THE *****!

No just kidding lol. Well there's nothing you can really do except threaten to throw her out, that's what my mother tells me when I play up (I'm 18 too).

I guess I can understand what your daughter is feeling when talking about "freedom" and such? But that's just stupid, she should get done with school at the very least, and 18 or not - it's your job to help her through that, what she does after is her problem...

[dontknownuthin]

Try to keep communication open and instead of just talking, listen. Ask her what she likes about this guy and tell her you really want to understand. Ask her what she wants for her future. If you can engage her in talking openly about her feelings, you might be able to bring her around to making better decisions for herself. As an alternative you probably still have some financial authority over her - I assume she lives with you. Cut off the money and car and cell phone, etc. until she complies with house rules and pick your battles.

Not sure which approach I'd take - depends on your relationship and the kid's personality and willingness to be reasonable and talk.

[jenniepepsi]

Honestly, not much you can do. Even if she is still in high school, she is 18. She can choose to drop out, move out, and never speak to you again.

At this point, its time to back up, trust you raised her the best you could.

Also remember, this is the age when this happens A lot. Give her a few years, and you will find that she probably will have moved past the immature behavior and habits.

[jo1968]

My daughter S is in almost the same situation. Although I had not had custody of her for the past 13 years, and my ex never consulted me on any issues she had, with the exception of needing money for this or that. But back to the curfew question, S will not be walking and graduating with her class, she failed 2 classes as is required to take summer school. The school charges $200 per class that she would need to take. My ex said that she can't afford it. I then said, fine, if I am going to pay for her to take the summer school classes, she needs to live with me for the duration of summer school, as well as follow the rules of my house. My current wife and I have 2 children, ages 7 and 10, and my wife is strict on ensuring schoolwork/homework gets done, and she is willing to do the same for S, since even though she is not blood related, she feels as if she is her mom, as she has been with me since S was 5 years old. I made up a "contract" with my daughter and had her sign it. In there, she agrees to pay me back half of the cost of the classes she has to make up. Also, on weeknights, her curfew is 11:30, and weekends are 1:30. She had a problem with it, but she realizes she messed up and has to get her diploma if she ever wants to get anything better than a minimum wage job. Other clauses in the contract is that she has to help with meals twice a week, as well as assist with the food shopping. And finally, there was the clause that *ANY* signs of alcohol or drug use will not be tolerated, and that I would not hesitate to contact a mental health facility and have her taken there for rehab. Yes, she is "technically" an adult, but she is living here with 2 impressionable young children, and severely inappropriate behavior will be dealt with. Many times in the past I had tried to have my daughter live with me for the summer, or for a year of school while she was growing up, but my ex always came up with excuses. And a lot of the "I don't care" and going out to party and sleeping out all the time was because her mom let her do that whenever she wanted since she was like 15.

[jo1968]

Threating to throw you out is using "scare-tactics" Most teens don't respond well to them for the simple reason that while they believe that "x" could happen, that it won't happen to them. And the worse part about threatening to throw your 18 year old out, they may take it upon themselves and just leave.