[lollypopa17]

Hi,

I have been dating a japanese girl for 5-6 months now. We both live in singapore- she has been working here for 1-2 years and me for 7 years
Past 2 months things have gotten rough and she wants to break-up

She cites the following reasons when asked

a) she wants to go back to japan and live with her family
b) culture difference
c) she says we have been fighting lately and she does not feel right about relationship

3 weeks back I was going for this house party and wanted her to come and she said she was sick. I threw a tantrum that she always does this to me. I soon realized mistake and sent her a sorry note. She said she wanted to be left alone which I did for a week but she then sent me a sms hinting to break-up as she wanted to go back to japan and be by herself. I was shocked and very next morning I waited outside her house for 4 hours to give her flowers as she goes to yoga then. She felt sorry for me and we met for dinner the very same night and things seemed back in place. I also told her I would do everything I can to fit into japan and come and work there if a sutiable oppurtunity presents itself. The same week we met again for dinner after work and I got a pissed with a waiter for not conducting himself properly. After dinner, she dropped me a message saying the fact that I secretly waited outside her house with flowers scared her. She didn't return my calls and messages for two days. When I called her yesterday - she said she does not have same feelings and wants to break-up. Unfortunately my birthday is cming up next week and we had plans together t celebrate it and she does not also know how to behave.

d) she is older to me by 2-3 years and she feels she is taking care of a baby

I told her yesterday that she is very important to me and I will do my best to correct myself. I know I am losing her or even worse lost her but I want her back because she is special.

I do not know if I should persist and plead her for a chance with possibly teary eyes or act like a macho man and tell her its OK I understand hoping it will make her realize how much I love her

I really need your help

Thanks

[LUNAGODDESS]

Your situation has nothing to do with culture... you scared her... you had a hissy fit about her being sick... that was an immature re-action to her situation and your reactions did give/or shown to her insight on your future relationship together... there is an lack of understanding and respect... she said it is over... she did not say it is over because you are not attractive... it is over because you showed a lack of self control... she probably had other relationships with men or known other women with such relationship problems that developed into a challenged emotionally...

Oh by the way... Happy Birthday in advance;)

... office romance seldom works out... anyway consider yourself bless... that she did not have an hissy fit...
Take a break and call up one old girl friend or better yet get together with your guy friends and party together maybe your birthday will bring you luck and a new interest will catch your attention:cool:

[J_9]

Are you sure you are ready for a relationship at all? I am sorry, but I would do the same if you were my guy. Any man that throws a tantrum because I am sick is a very uncaring individual. I know you apologized, but apparently it was too late and you should have not done it at all. Then you sat outside her house for 4 hours, are you a stalker? Now do you understand why it scared her?

You then went out to dinner and got pissed off at a waiter. Wow, you must be perfect!

People all have bad days and get sick. But I am guessing this is not in your plan.

It is time you wake up and smell the coffee. Women do not want insensitive men. It sounds as though you are quite insensitive.

You need to let her go. You have already scared her to death.

As far as your birthday goes, you don't need to tell her YOU understand, she needs to understand you. But I am sure it is too late for that.

Yes, it is unfortunate that your birthday is coming up and you will have to spend it without her. But you put yourself in this place. You should work on you and stop being so controlling and demanding. Women do not like that.

I am sorry, but you have lost her. You are lucky she gave you that much time.

From reading your post it does not seem as though you love her. It sounds like you want to control her. So get yourself in check before you find another girlfriend. Work on your attitude.

[lollypopa17]

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.

Please don't get me wrong - all this happened only past few days. I know I was very in-sensitive about this all but I have been trying real hard because she started talking about commitment and wanting to live in japan and this has stressed me. We do not work in same office. I have never ever before been in-sensitive to her. I have given her space. Its just that one night when I wanted her so very next to me I became selfish and lost it completely.
I did not want to come across a stalker - my intentions were to show her what she means to me. I know again it did not come across properly. I am trying my best to look for a job in japan and learn japanese. I know past few days I have screwed it up completely but made me realize many things I need to improve. I know I can be the best guy even though it sounds clichéd.

Its just all that stress that has caused me to behave in appropriately. I want to let her know that all I need is a second chance.

Should I meet up with he and tell her everything what I feel about her?I know she is thinking of marriage and has always been and is seeing how I fit in. I am not a guy who will run away from marriage. I know I have lost out being a candidate but I know when I am with her I feel happy and a good human being.

[LUNAGODDESS]

I did not call you stalker... I am saying... the girl is saying it is over... you can move on... if she still needs you... she does work with you for now... she will let you know if it is OK to come back into her life...

[lollypopa17]

I am meeting her tonight for dinner.

I want to listen to her fully because I have a bad habit of speaking a lot and saying many things.

And then I want to tell her - thanks for the memories. I know I have not conducted myself past few days as a responsible and mature individual.
Some of these actions of mine are due to certain things on my mind - looking at changing my career path to working in japan and making it happen ASAP. And I have not been my true self unlike on other days when we went on trips together. I understand you have judged me with regards to future relationship perspective. As much as I want you to give me a second chance to prove myself, I want you to be happy as I always wanted to. And if being alone by yourself and in Japan keeps you happy, then I am with you. I know thigs will be different, some of the cute things we tell each other, call each other will be gone and I probably will never get to say them or hear them in another relationship but these memories with you have been special to me
I will always treasure them and I know when I have a successful marriage or relationship in future, you were part of it.

Yes, I still have same feelings for you and the excitement is still the same. It will take me time to get over this. But do keep in touch. Letting me know how your life is in future will make me feel special.

[talaniman]

Yes, I still have same feelings for you and the excitement is still the same. It will take me time to get over this. But do keep in touch. Letting me know how your life is in future will make me feel special

At least the weird behavior will stop and you are moving on.

[s_cianci]

I'd be prepared to let her go. You can't truly have someone unless you are willing to lose them. What is your nationality? Keep in mind that most Japanese people are very reserved by nature as that is their cultural upbringing. It is therefore possible that there may be in fact a cultural clash that could be hindering your relationship. If she truly feels she wants to break up I'd let her. You can't change who you are any more than she can change who she is. You just may not be right for each other. Above all, I certainly wouldn't pack up and go to Japan in the hopes that that'll win her over. You may be coming off as too needy and clingy and that may be putting her off. You can cure that by being willing to let her go and by backing off yourself. Have no contact with her for a while. Make her realize that you don't need her in order to be happy. Be comfortable with who you are as you are right now without feeling like you have to change.