[so_clueless]

Hi everyone.

Well I'm new here, and hope this is on the right forum. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 23. We started dating roughly 2 years back, and somehow when we met I ended up telling him I was a year younger than I actually was. It was one of those stupid things you do at the impulse of the moment, then wonder later why you actually did it :)

I didn't have the courage to come clean for a long time. A couple of months back, I had to move to Europe [both of us are from India] and he had to move to the Arab Emirates (I know its crazy long distance), but we are in contact by phone/email everyday, and plan to work things out early next year by getting married and I hope to go stay with him.

Well a few days back I told him the truth. He got upset and slammed down the phone abruptly and I didn't hear from him for a week. Every time we have an argument or if he's angry, he tends to remain silent [with no communication whatsoever] until he calms down, so I figured he would call me and didn't contact him. Last night, he sent me an email saying he loves me, misses me, that he didn't want to talk about what I did for the time being. And that he would work things out [this is regarding us getting married and my visa], and the email was pretty normal..

My question is, I wouldn't know unless if I was in his situation.. How will he get over the fact that I lied to him for so long.. It's not clear from his email if he has forgiven me, clearly we are yet to talk about it.. Have I messed it up so bad, that this tiny lie can totally break the trust factor between us.. Will he ever be able to forget that this happened and move on? Or will he keep wondering if whatever I have told him about me until now are not true?

Sorry if the Q is long.. had to edit it out, but even the details took some writing :D

[liz28]

Well as you can see lies is no good no matter how big or small but it seems like he is on the path of forgiving you. Just don't tell any small lies in the future.

[TrueFaith]

2 years is a long time to keep a lie up..

Give him time.. it will take a long while before the trust comes back.
And if you ever get into fights

Be sure that he will bring this back in your face..

So once he says he forgives you
Tell him not to shove it back in your face in the futuer.

All the best

[talaniman]

What else did you lie about would be my first thoughts, but after the emotional dust settles, you should be able to talk. If not, I would stop lying, as a small lie to you, may be a whopper to him.

[KBC]

If he has a big problem with such a simple thing like age... hmmm maybe another person in your future might be wise.

I mean, really now, you didn't lie about what SEX you are, How the earth revolves around the sun( it does doesn't it?),this is such a minuscule situation,if a secure person can't think rationally and accept that age is just age, why pursue someone like that,knowing this minor impulsive response is all that detrimental?

Have there been other 'lies' he has caught you in?

Does he constantly use some fight from the past to continue to bait you in a new argument today?

Only you can answer these questions,I hope to hear from you.

KBC

[so_clueless]

Thanks for the replies. To answer KBC, well no I realize this was the only issue I lied about. It was totally uncalled for. And I seriously have no idea what made me do it. He hasn't caught me lying before.. I haven't lied about anything else, like I said. And I know he's going to use this every time we have a fight or argument in the future, its human nature and I understand that.

I really have no idea if I should pursue this anymore. As much as I love him, he does too [or he wouldn't be talking to me after what I did], this has seriously complicated the relationship, and he's not going to believe anything I say in the future. And I wonder if this ever happened in people's lives and how they dealt with the trust issues after that.

[liz28]

I dated a guy in the past and he lied to me about his age. He turned out to be 6 years older than he told me. Unlike you though he didn't confess the truth, I found out from looking at his driver lincense one day. Once I confronted his he confess and stated he didn't know how to tell me the truth and was thinking how he was going tell me the truth.

Long story short I forgave him and it was kind of hard to trust him because in the back of mind I used to think that if he could lie to me about something as small as that what else could he lie about. I never did bring it back up again with him because I forgave him and honestly he never lie again and our relationship only ended because he moved way out west and I remained out east.

Staying is up to you and it's up to him if he chose to stay but no matter how small I always say a lie is a lie and I teach my daughter that. However, I do think it is something that someone can get over and if he forgives you then he couldn't bring it back up.

[meyowgee]

Your lie shows your lack of self confidence look to yourself and find out why you lied. His reaction is far more troublesome. He chooses to cut you out until he is happy again may be a red flag. Being married is a hard job is this behavior something you can live with for the next 70 years. In a good marriage you can say or do the dumbest things and KNOW he'll still be there and love you. You need to feel save enough to screwup. GOOD LUCK