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bunnybear · Oct 1, 2007, 07:03 PM

Hello,I am a 26 yr female my partner is 27.we have been in a relationship for 4yrs with a 16mnth daughter.im having trouble with our sex life or lack of.my partner just seems to not be interested in me anymore.since having our daughter,people have told me it's the best I've ever looked,I have no stretch marks and lost all baby weight and more.not that those things matter when you love sum1.im just trying to point out that I haven't let myself go being a mother.
I've considered that I have a higher sex drive than him,but he can go weeks without even touching me or having sex with me.ive tried to confront the issue many times in different ways.when I dress up in sexy lingerie I get ignored,when I make moves or suggest new things to try I get rejected.even when we are watching porn we don't have sex.he doesn't like me touching him or giving him blowjobs,which he used to let me do in the past.im a willing girl and would give anything ago but I have tried all sorts to try to make this better.when asked if he is attracted to me,he gets angry and says of course I am.other excuses are is that he is tired,or is just not into blowjobs,touching him hurts or is annoying to him.its causing horrile tension between us,I just don't feel very attractive anymore and feel like a flatmate to him.I brake down crying because I just don't understand.he has only cheated on me once in the first year,and I don't think he has done it again.
Please help me!!

K D L · Oct 2, 2007, 02:40 AM

Do you think ha has meet someone else

smoothy · Oct 2, 2007, 09:35 AM

Hard to say, has there been issues at all since late in the pregnancy? Perhaps it's a combination of factors. Its hard to judge since we need to somehow guess what he is seeing from his perspective. Good for you for trying however. Lot of women at that stage really don't even try. This is not the case with you obviously. Has he had any issues that he has brought up in the past but has been silent about recently? And by that I mean the last 2 years.

I'm trying to figure him out since this isn't making a lot of sense. At his age there should not be medical reasons but has he been checked, Its not unknown to happen and it is a possible reason. Has he seemed depressed at all?

bunnybear · Oct 2, 2007, 01:52 PM

I think stress is a big factor,as having a family is totally a new thing for us.I have tried to get him to talk about any new or past issues that are affecting our sex life.he has no medical problems that I know about.things do work fine down there.we were very happy when I was pregnant so there is no issues with that.im baffeled as to what is really going on.he says it is just him and I should except it... sum how how though I don't believe it to be completety true.I still think there is something,he's just not willing to confide in me.

statictable · Oct 2, 2007, 04:55 PM

WOW!! First; read your question very slowly. Second; look into a large mirror. Third; say these words: Wife, Husband, Child, Love, Health, Survival. It's easy to loose site of our priorities and our responsibilities and easier to see how this impacts so many other relationships so now is not the time to go blind, now is not the time to challenge your husband or yourself and in time things should return to their previous state. Are you in England, Europe, USA etc ? Best wishes for your family and yourself.

colorblind · Oct 3, 2007, 01:54 AM

Hmmm... time to be practical... u seem quite innocent.. every action has its equal reaction... treat him the same he is doing... still don't make it risky that it would harm your relation... stay calm.. be patient for sometime... show interest in other males or some mutual friends of yours... his manhood will get hurt by you finding interest in other males.. just hint him in that way and he might have his brain washed again! And let him do what you have been doing till now !

smoothy · Oct 3, 2007, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by statictable

WOW!!!!!! First; read your question very slowly. Second; look into a large mirror. Third; say these words: Wife, Husband, Child, Love, Health, Survival. It's easy to loose site of our priorities and our responsibilities and easier to see how this impacts so many other relationships so now is not the time to go blind, now is not the time to challenge your husband or yourself and in time things should return to their previous state. Are you in England, Europe, USA etc ? Best wishes for your family and yourself.

My guess is she is in the UK or Australia based on the term Flatmate. But am guessing UK.

bunnybear · Oct 3, 2007, 05:22 PM

I am from New Zealand.your answers have all been very helpful.we have had another talk about our problems and he has said... il try harder!so I very much hope that things in that area improve.he scared all my male friends away a long time ago,any males I do see are his friends and they all have girlfriends.evem when other males do hit on me it does not phase him,meaning that he doesn't get jelous about it.ahrr what is a girl to do.

shatteredsoul · Oct 3, 2007, 07:12 PM

He shouldn't have to try... he should want to be with you and be interested in getting sex. I would think maybe you two might do better with talking to a professional. Having a family is stressful and you are young, but he should have the energy to want to be intimate with you. I would be very concerned if my husband didn't want me to touch him. He tells you it hurts? That just seems so odd. It also bothers me that he has cheated on you, even if it was only once before. It seems he has become indifferent to the relationship and that he doesn't care as much as you. Maybe it is a phase, maybe it is stress at work and with the baby, either way, he needs to figure it out. YOU deserve more, and you deserve better. Until then, work on yourself. Go out with friends, take up a hobby, do anything that makes you feel better about yourself. Don't give away your power to him, and do not let him determine your worth! Good Luck

gaia213 · Oct 6, 2007, 01:31 PM

I understand this pains you

Although your partner may have stresses as many said the thing of having a baby is a burden to both parents

And it may be other things although I highly doubt that he is cheating on you including the fact that with logic he would not show any different signs if he could if he still wished to have you by his side

From what I have heard he must feel irritated

You may try an opposite tactic or in other words let him come to you not you to him and for now I simply a mgiving the advice to be strong

shedevil69 · Oct 7, 2007, 09:51 PM

Hmmmm... I was having some problems in my marital life and let me tell you... it is not fun at all... I lost the weight thing and went through the same thing. I actually started becoming less of the mom type for my husband and more like the girl he met. He really enjoyed it. Bring up the old times that were fun you guys used to do like when you first met ; ) you know... It worked for me. Also Sex is very important. Because a lot of guys will not tell you that they need that special touch even though we expect them too. I went to TERESAINTIM.COM... wooww... my friend from england told me about the hot toys for cheap that they don't make over here... and I really put on a show for him... you must check it out and try to communicate more... pm me or whatever to let me know how it goes...
Keeping my fingers cross
Bye