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aoblia · Sep 28, 2009, 02:53 PM

I asked him a question on why he never wants to have $ex with me and he said he the chemisty between me and him is not there for him. I'm attracted to him and he is not. He said he was more sexually attracted to his ex. He said he is emotionally attracted to me. We get along great except with this subject. He is definitely not gay. He has had a lot of women and I just don't do it for him. I have a very attractive figure. When we are out most guys come up and hit on me. I just don't do it for him. What should I do? Do you think it can get better or should I just hang up the whole relationship? Everything else is perfect.

Wondergirl · Sep 28, 2009, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by aoblia

everything else is perfect.

Will he go with you to a marriage/couples counselor? (Usually sex problems are only the tip of the iceberg.) "Everything else" may not be as perfect as you think.

aoblia · Sep 28, 2009, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Will he go with you to a marriage/couples counselor? (Usually sex problems are only the tip of the iceberg.) "Everything else" may not be as perfect as you think.

No, we aren't even married... we've dated on and off for almost 3 years.

Rash1984 · Sep 28, 2009, 03:30 PM

I'm sorry but if you stay with him you will look very pathetic. To yourself and to him. Move on.

aoblia · Sep 28, 2009, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by Rash1984

I'm sorry but if you stay with him you will look very pathetic. To yourself and to him. Move on.

I think the same. Why do you say that? I kind of know but I'm just lingering on because how can I even want him close to me knowing that right? Why would I?

Cat1864 · Sep 28, 2009, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by aoblia

no, we aren't even married...we've dated on and off for almost 3 years.

The dating on and off for three years sounds like things aren't as great as you may think they are.

How often does the relationship cycle and do the problems that cause the off again ever get solved or just swept under the rug? Do they coincide with his ex being free from her latest relationship?

Couple/relationship counseling isn't just for married couples. Engaged couples and dating couples will often seek out a third party to help iron out the wrinkles in the relationship. It can make them stronger or help ease the pain of deciding that the relationship won't work.

I am not sure that you could get him to be more attracted to you. Most ways that women and men try usually involve turning into someone they aren't just to "please" their mate. Changing to please someone else is losing who you are. Any changes you make should be ones that you want.

I would suggest that whether you kick him to the curb or try to fix the problems that you work on your self-esteem that is taking a beating right now. What can you do that would make you feel good about yourself? It can be anything from learning to play an instrument to volunteer work or even continuing education classes.

Gemini54 · Sep 29, 2009, 04:30 AM

You can't MAKE someone be attracted to you. If after 3 years he's still not sexually attracted to you, then I think you're it's pretty darn clear that you just don't do it for him.

It's not your fault, it's not his fault. It just is.

Why don't you let the relationship go and keep the friendship?

smoothy · Sep 29, 2009, 04:57 AM

I'd say its time to move on to greener pastures... if that attraction isn't there aftrer 3 years, it isn't ever going to be. And it is clear.. things are not as good of you say they are. You are looking at things through Rose colored glasses. As in you are seeing what you want to see.

This isn't want you want to see and it never will be. Cut your losses and find someone that's a better match. Many people may be cut out to be friends... but very few rise to the level of being good enough to be a partner.