Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Nitigrl's Avatar
    Nitigrl Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 16, 2008, 07:55 PM
    Maybe he isn't attracted to me.
    I have been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. He is 36 y/o and I am 32 y/o. When we first met, he made it very clear that he doesn't believe in marriage and wasn't planning on having any more kids. He has a daughter(14 y/o) from his previous relationship. I am OK with not getting married so as long as we are both happy. As far as having children, I have mixed feelings about it- sometimes I would like to have one & at other times I don't. There hasn't been a time where I really want to have one for sure.
    However, here is the problem I am having- he isn't interested in having sex and isn't affection. Example: I tell him I love him- he says OK. I give him a hug- he tells me to go away, but then says he was playing when I get upset. He never compliments me, but manages to point out when he doesn't like what I am wearing.
    When we were dating, we had sex when ever we could. I didn't realize this would end when we lived together. He tells me that he went with out having a girlfriend or sexual partner for about 10 years. The mother(43y/o) of his child was the last. I am a bit bothered by this because she attends just about every family function. They don't talk to each other (at least not in front of me), but she is there. Don't get me wrong, I know they will always have to communicate because of their daughter, but I don't understand why she needs to attend every dinner or function they have.
    He moves away when I try touching him. Sometimes, I ask him for sex and he asks me if it's OK if he just uses a toy on me & get me off. I feel that sex is more than just physical- being intimate with your partner is also an emotional experience. He tells me that I am not cooperating and am ungrateful. I have discussed this issue with him numerous times. I have explained to him that his rejections hurt me. I feel unattractive. He apologizes and assures me he will try his best to improve, but goes back to the way it was. I have offered role playing, dressing up, talking dirty, and more- but he tells me no. I have even worn sexy underwear and basically get in front of his face when we are in bed and nothing. I asked him about this and he said he just wasn't thinking about it so he didn't notice. However, when we used to go to his friends house, we always caught him staring at her breasts. I brought this up and asked him what about then? Where you thinking about it? Or were you so attracted it got your attention? His reply was that I am never going to be happy because I am too insecure. I realize we all have our insecurties, but asked him to answer me. He never did- he just got upset with me.
    I am very confused- he is a wonderful partner in every other way, but the lack of sex/affection is making me unhappy. I don't know if letting a good man go because of sex/affection is the best thing to do, but I don't think this is healthy either. Any suggestions?
    lella87's Avatar
    lella87 Posts: 21, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #2

    Mar 16, 2008, 08:12 PM
    Ok, I'm going to be completely honest with you.. him off!!

    Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to touch you, let along make love to you. I could never be with a man who didn't find me attractive and who loathed being affectionate towards me. All woman want affection and the security to know that through affection our man adores us. Lets be honest.. You need sex in a relationship.. it's a VERY important factor too keeping the relationship alive because one of the most special ways to bond and interact with each other...

    Darling, you deserve affection and a man who appreciates you as a sexual woman. To even second guess yourself being attractive and insecure means there is a problem. You should spend the rest of your life with someone who adores you and gives you the time of day.

    I also think that if you want to be married and have children you should find someone who shares the same interest. Your still young and there's always plenty more fish in the sea!
    lella87's Avatar
    lella87 Posts: 21, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #3

    Mar 16, 2008, 08:15 PM
    "Im never going to be happy because im too insecure"--- Do you really want to spend your life being unhappy because of his insecurities??

    That's no way to live!
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #4

    Mar 16, 2008, 09:03 PM
    Sounds like this guy either has another woman, is still hung up on his daughter's mother, or he has problems. Either way, there is no future with him IMO. He treats you with disrespect, like you have no feelings.
    This relationship is not normal it is "dead end" Leave before he completely destroys you.
    youcantstop48's Avatar
    youcantstop48 Posts: 152, Reputation: 16
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Mar 16, 2008, 09:36 PM
    Get out of there and find someone that will love you unconditionally and give you everything you want and deserve...
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Mar 17, 2008, 08:43 PM
    I think you have created in your mind a pleasant fantasy of what this guy is and what he is about.

    Time to face facts, the one thing you really want, he is never going to give you... Life is short, don't choose misery.

    Best wishes in 2008.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Not attracted to my husband [ 44 Answers ]

I am in a marriage in which I am not attracted to my husband. Although I have stuck it out for 7 years, I have hit my breaking point. I have talked to a counselor, friends, and family, and they agree it is best to leave. Although my husband is aware that I am not attracted to him, he is unaware...

Why am I attracted to someone else? [ 5 Answers ]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we just had our first child 6 months ago but in the last couple of months I've been getting really close with one of the guys I work with but to a point where I feel strongly attracted to him. Nothing has happened between the 2 of us and he doesn't talk...

Is he not attracted to me? [ 2 Answers ]

Every since we moved in together he doesn't seem to be interested in having sex. He is in law school and has a lot of studying to do but I don't know how much of that has to do with anything. When we talk about it he says that since he has me next to him all the time he is satisfied. Also I went...

Is he attracted to me? [ 10 Answers ]

Hello,I am a 26 yr female my partner is 27.we have been in a relationship for 4yrs with a 16mnth daughter.im having trouble with our sex life or lack of.my partner just seems to not be interested in me anymore.since having our daughter,people have told me it's the best I've ever looked,I have no...

Attracted or not [ 20 Answers ]

Hi Can anyone please shed some light on this. I am 34 years of age and for the past year I have had my eyes set on this younger women, she's around 22 years old. We saw at the gym around 1 year ago, we looked at a few times from a distance, each time I looked, she was looking back, the feeling...


View more questions Search