[lazzyboyy313]

Just another small question but it adds to my confusion. Any reason why she hasn't taken down any pictures of me and her from her myspace? The only thing she's done after our breakup was change an album name and she moved me down on her top friends list. I know myspace isn't anything big but why would she leave up sooo many pictures of her and I some of them saying "I love this kid" and such. I would think that'd deter any new guy that might be interested in her, I know it would if I was talking to a girl who had 20+ pics of her ex. Just a though, any insight?

[talaniman]

Got none for you, as I have learned the hard way not to dwell on what an ex is doing as it gives me false hope and slows my healing process. You wouldn't have to ask if you would stay off the Facebook.

Okay she left it up to ruin any chance at a New Years kiss you had. Did it work, let us know.

[lazzyboyy313]

Okay she left it up to ruin any chance at a New Years kiss you had. Did it work, let us know.

Not quite understanding this. Do you mean any chance at a New Years kiss with her or with anyone period?

[talaniman]

What I meant was your pining away for her, instead of bringing in the New Year among friends, or family and having a great time.

That's why you ignore the exes. They stop you from enjoying yourself ,because your still trying to figure out their thoughts, and actions, instead of your own.

[lazzyboyy313]

Well I did want to be with her for the countdown but I have no idea what she did and I went to a party with my friends and had my fun time. She texted me happy new years this morning and I can't help but wonder what she did last night even though I know I shouldn't. Still keeping pretty good distance from her but it's not full on NC.

[lazzyboyy313]

So, today I spent most of the day with my ex. We went out to get food an hour away and then got back to her house and I hung out with her and her friends. Her friends were talking about the recent partying they've been doing and such, which she's told me about, and I couldn't help but feel awkward sitting there. I would sit there and wonder if they were holding anything back because I was there and if my ex had been doing anything and wasn't going to tell me. I know this is what everyone warned me about and that I shouldn't dwell on her because there's no feelings from her anymore and I'm only making my pain and confusion last longer. I can't get up the nerve to have a be-all-end-all conversation with her because I can't let go of her. However, after tonight I've decided I'm going to go through with this and finally get my closure. I'm sure to all of you I look like a pathetic fool and maybe I am. I just have that sliver of hope that she still loves me just a little to try and make it work out. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm terrified of losing her. I'll update with the news when I go through with it. Got to do it with a positive attitude.

[Dare81]

So, today I spent most of the day with my ex. We went out to get food an hour away and then got back to her house and I hung out with her and her friends. Her friends were talking about the recent partying they've been doing and such, which she's told me about, and I couldn't help but feel awkward sitting there. I would sit there and wonder if they were holding anything back because I was there and if my ex had been doing anything and wasn't going to tell me. I know this is what everyone warned me about and that I shouldn't dwell on her because there's no feelings from her anymore and I'm only making my pain and confusion last longer. I can't get up the nerve to have a be-all-end-all convo with her because I can't let go of her. However, after tonight I've decided I'm going to go through with this and finally get my closure. I'm sure to all of you I look like a pathetic fool and maybe I am. I just have that sliver of hope that she still loves me just a little to try and make it work out. This is gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm terrified of losing her. I'll update with the news when I go through with it. Gotta do it with a positive attitude.

She doesn't want to have a relationship with you, don't u get that. What kind of closure are u looking for. You will never be able to get all the answers that you want and even if u get it they won't be good enuf. Really its time to move on.Quit making your life misreable

[lazzyboyy313]

She didn't want to have a relationship with the guy I was when we broke up. I'm not that person anymore. I know that I've seen my faults, things I had done in other relationships as well, and I know I can work on them with her. I'm aware it's only been two months+ since we broke up but I can't move on from this girl. If by some stroke of whatever happened and we agreed to try it again I'm not expecting it to go back to what it was in the past, not at all. I know we'd have to like feel each other out and basically start fresh. Again I refer back to a previous statement I made in this post that I've seen couples work things out in my group of friends and I want to be able to resolve our problems. Either way I got to ask her everything because that's the kind of person I am. I need to have my questions answered and have solid answers, otherwise my mind runs wild and go through tons of hypothetical situations. (I over analyze a ton of things and did so during our relationship as well. Probably didn't help things)

[Dare81]

You can't really change in 2months, the habits that have taken a life time to develop cannot be changes in a short period, and the only reason you are changing is so your ex would take you back.
You say you can't move , it should be I don't want to move on. As tal says Don t ,make people a priority in your life while letting them make you an option in theirs.

You are just setting yourself up for more hurt, sooner or later you will realize you have to let her go.

[expat2009]

She didn't wanna have a relationship with the guy I was when we broke up. I'm not that person anymore. I know that I've seen my faults, things I had done in other relationships as well, and I know I can work on them with her. I'm aware it's only been two months+ since we broke up but I can't move on from this girl. If by some stroke of whatever happened and we agreed to try it again I'm not expecting it to go back to what it was in the past, not at all. I know we'd have to like feel each other out and basically start fresh. Again I refer back to a previous statement I made in this post that I've seen couples work things out in my group of friends and I want to be able to resolve our problems. Either way I gotta ask her everything because that's the kind of person I am. I need to have my questions answered and have solid answers, otherwise my mind runs wild and go through tons of hypothetical situations. (I over analyze a ton of things and did so during our relationship as well. Probably didn't help things)

Look mate, you want to be that guy you used to be? Well stay away from her, cut communication and get yourself back. You can only do this by healing, and it's only up to you. If you keep insisting and smothering her you will push her from not loving you--to feeling sorry for you--to her losing respect for you--then finally hating you. You want that?

What more closure do you need then the fact that she doesn't love you as you love her? It's simple. Move on. Let her be. If she wants you back, you will know one day.

[lazzyboyy313]

Yeah that's true, I don't want to move on. This girl in my eyes is worth all the pain that she's caused me. If she wasn't then I wouldn't be wasting my time with her. She isn't a priority in my life, I like spending time with her and yeah I wish is was a little more than what it's been but I still enjoy the contact I have with her and the times that we hang out. If I'm willing to work on/change my ways I think as long as you realize what it is that's wrong you can start to change it right away. Yeah, you don't just drop those habits but over time they dwindle and might eventually be gone all together.

[lazzyboyy313]

If you keep insisting and smothering her you will push her from not loving you--to feeling sorry for you--to her losing respect for you--then finally hating you. You want that?

What more closure do you need then the fact that she doesn't love you as you love her? It's simple. Move on. Let her be. If she wants you back, you will know one day.

I don't smother her. I don't initiate any contact with her at all. She's the one that contacts me 100% of the time now. I used to whine and complain to her about why we broke up and all the stuff she was doing that I didn't like but I stopped making myself look pathetic. I have fun without her and she does the same. The times we hang out things have their awkward feel but we have fun together.

[expat2009]

I don't smother her. I don't initiate any contact with her at all. She's the one that contacts me 100% of the time now. I used to whine and complain to her about why we broke up and all the stuff she was doing that I didn't like but I stopped making myself look pathetic. I have fun without her and she does the same. The times we hang out things have their awkward feel but we have fun together.

Fine, but are sure you want to be demoted to the Friend-Zone?

I'd say to her: Either you want to get back with me or not. If you just want to be my friend or string me along, then don't talk to me cause I'm worth more that. No chick is worth months or even years of pain when you see her meeting and going out with other dudes. Unnecessary pain? No thank you.

[lazzyboyy313]

Fine, but are sure you want to be demoted to the Friend-Zone?

I'd say to her: Either you want to get back with me or not. If you just want to be my friend or string me along, then don't talk to me cause I'm worth more that. No chick is worth months or even years of pain when you see her meeting and going out with other dudes. Unnecessary pain? No thank you.

exactly what I'm going to tell her. In the beginning of the break up she's said she knows I don't want another girl and I think that sort of empowered her to think that almost no matter how she treats me I won't leave her and will always be in her back pocket. She's told me she wouldn't be my friend if I got with another girl and I told her the same. That's not a friendship by any stretch of the imagination. That's a main point I'm trying to get across to her. After I got the point she didn't feel the same about me she randomly asked if I had done anything with anyone because she was afraid I had seen this movie I told her about with a girl. Whether she's in love with me anymore she's still scared to lose me to another girl and me forget all about her. It looks like a game and probably is a game she's playing. I've tried being her "friend" and it's gone wishy-washy with it's high points and it's very low ones as well. At times I can handle it and at times it drives me crazy and I come on here and get it off my chest. Each time I think I'm done with it and going to leave it alone she reaches out to me and tries to make things OK again.

[expat2009]

Good, you are sort of on the right track. I mean, it's good that you want to send your point across in my view. Many guys here will tell you to stop ALL contact with her--to the point of not answering her attempts to talk to you. They may be right, but you probably won't do that. So if you want to tell her that then do so. It's about you now buddy. You need to get your self-worth back to how it was.

It does seem she cares about you still --who knows in what way-- but she might just be stringing you along, keeping you there as a safety net. Be aware of this though, as it could bring you pain in the future.

The way I see it is... If she really wanted you back, you'd know. But she hasn't so she probably is just keeping you there--playing you.

Fact is, I think you need some time apart. Enough so that you can both live life on your own for a while. Test the waters. After a few months of no contact, you will have a clear head and will be able to see the bigger picture. When the time comes, you will have the power to make the right choice for yourself. So you can feel GOOD about yourself and STOP the pain. Which let's face it's what we are all here for.

[Dare81]

I don't smother her. I don't initiate any contact with her at all. She's the one that contacts me 100% of the time now. I used to whine and complain to her about why we broke up and all the stuff she was doing that I didn't like but I stopped making myself look pathetic. I have fun without her and she does the same. The times we hang out things have their awkward feel but we have fun together.

When the lens of perception are clear. Things will appear as they are.

[lazzyboyy313]

Good, you are sort of on the right track. I mean, it's good that you want to send your point across in my view. Many guys here will tell you to stop ALL contact with her--to the point of not answering her attempts to talk to you. They may be right, but you probably won't do that. So if you want to tell her that then do so. It's about you now buddy. You need to get your self-worth back to how it was.

It does seem she cares about you still --who knows in what way-- but she might just be stringing you along, keeping you there as a safety net. Be aware of this though, as it could bring you pain in the future.

The way I see it is ...If she really wanted you back, you'd know. But she hasn't so she probably is just keeping you there--playing you.

Fact is, I think you need some time apart. Enough so that you can both live life on your own for a while. Test the waters. After a few months of no contact, you will have a clear head and will be able to see the bigger picture. When the time comes, you will have the power to make the right choice for yourself. So you can feel GOOD about yourself and STOP the pain. Which let's face it's what we are all here for.

I have a strong feeling that this is what's going to occur when I have this talk with her. One reason she had for breaking up is that she's going to have a very busy school schedule and just doesn't have time for a boyfriend right now. Well school is going to start again soon and I've almost accepted that we might not talk again until May unless something pops up and she changes her mind or what have you. I agree that she's probably just stringing me along as a safety net but from what I know she hasn't done anything with any guy( a question I plan to ask her). All of these things I want to bring up to her and hopefully I can have this conversation with her soon.

[Dare81]

Know she hasn't done anything with any guy( a question I plan to ask her)


What if she has done something.How is that going to make you feel.If you have to convince someone to be with you ,its usually not worth it

[lazzyboyy313]

know she hasn't done anything with any guy( a question I plan to ask her)


What if she has done something.How is that going to make you feel.If you have to convince someone to be with you ,its usually not worth it

It would depend on what it was. If she was seeing someone else then I'd cut all ties period. If it's not that then I'd go about it a different way. It wouldn't completely shock me if she has done something but I'd be more hurt by the fact she didn't own up to it and tell me. We told each other we'd let the other know if we did anything so the other person would basically stop caring and just move on for good.

[magikman]

We told each other we'd let the other know if we did anything so the other person would basically stop caring and just move on for good.

Been there, done that. Unfortunately, we tend to fool ourselves when we so desperately want things to work out in our favor. Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question? Be honest, do you REALLY want to know? A good break is in order here, which is what everyone has been saying... I know it's tough, but it'll help clear your head.