AM I a doormat?

jackie1963 · Aug 14, 2004, 10:07 PM

Someone please advise me.
Tonight the guy Im seeing asked me to go to his apartment. So I took my son and brought some games and dinner and the guy says "I will be back in 10 minutes I have to go to the store". This was at 9 pm. At MIDNIGHT I was like this is no good. SO I took my son in the rainstorm I may add and wrapped him in a blanket and started walking home. On the way I saw the light on at his parents house.
I banged on the window and he comes out and says he "took longer than expected" I was like "you left me and my baby for 3 hrs and your here>??? WHile we were THERE at your apartment waiting>? (Its raining remind you real hard) SO he says to me "I can't believe your doing this to me! (meaning him) He says I got ice cream and stuff and I was going to go back to my apartment I just "ran late" SO I said "doing this to *you*???? YOU left me and my baby for three hours back at your apartment! SO HE gets mad at ME and says "I can't believe you are doing this"! WIth that I took my son and in the rain... all bundled up.. got him home and told him that mommy was so sorry this happened. He said hey ma its OK. ( GOd love him)
THing is how DARE the guy that Im seeing blame ME?? WHat did he think? We were going to wait there all night for him to decide to come back?? He made ME feel like the bad guy... like he was looking forward to an evening with me and I split on him!
AM I a doormat??
Did I act in haste??
Please advise!
Jacks

jackie1963 · Aug 14, 2004, 10:08 PM

I have no car
WE walked back from there

jackie1963 · Aug 14, 2004, 10:10 PM

Also it's a new apartment.
There was no phone I could not call anyone and I was scared as this apt building is on a busy highway :'(

lilmizinnocent38 · Aug 15, 2004, 08:50 PM

Well... my opinion is.. that yes... he acted like an hole... and no he shouldn't have left u 4 3hrs.. but, also like you said there wasn't any phone.. and if there wazz he could have called and said he wazz waiting out the storm... SO... I think that you should sit down... without your son and work out every aspect of this.. ordeal.. and srry if my advice is usless to u :-/

lilmizinnocent38 · Aug 15, 2004, 08:50 PM

Well... my opinion is.. that yes... he acted like an hole... and no he shouldn't have left u 4 3hrs.. but, also like you said there wasn't any phone.. and if there wazz he could have called and said he wazz waiting out the storm... SO... I think that you should sit down... without your son and work out every aspect of this.. ordeal.. and srry if my advice is usless to u :-/

lilmizinnocent38 · Aug 15, 2004, 08:51 PM

Well... my opinion is.. that yes... he acted like an hole... and no he shouldn't have left u 4 3hrs.. but, also like you said there wasn't any phone.. and if there wazz he could have called and said he wazz waiting out the storm... SO... I think that you should sit down... without your son and work out every aspect of this.. ordeal.. and srry if my advice is usless to u :-/

jackie1963 · Aug 17, 2004, 02:48 PM

Hi and thanks for your reply.
Yes he was an is right!

Thing that got me is when I walked back to his parents house and he was THERE I felt like smacking him.

His parents live 3 blocks away from HIS apt and I felt if he could make it there then he could have made it to his place where we were waiting right>
>:(
Thanks for the reply

Ps evere since that night he's been *punishing me* like its all my fault HMM! (in a huff

confused2504 · Aug 19, 2004, 06:30 PM

Hey,

I think he is in the wrong, and he shouldn't be punishing you for his error. Typical male attitude, they always have to be right.

I think you just need to tell him how you feel. The fact that you waited three hours is horrible. I mean I understand that there is no phone, but even after 1 hour, you should have left. Just explain that you got angry, for all you know he could have been in a accident or something. So let him know that you are very upset and would appreciate it if he could consider you next time. If this is on going then he doesn't respect you. If this happens not so often, then you just need to bring him in line and let him know what will be tolerated by you and what won't. If the tables were turned, I'm sure he would have gotten upset.
Both of you are mature adults and I'm sure this situation justs needs some talking. Life is too short to hold grudges...

confused2504 · Aug 19, 2004, 06:39 PM

Hey,

Also if this guy your seeing is fairly new, sometimes they need abit of training...

So get him in line.. some guys are hopeless in relationships, that's why women are there!

Hehehehe

Good Luck!

jackie1963 · Aug 21, 2004, 05:57 PM

BRAVO on the TYPICAL MALE ATTITUDE comment ;)
ANd as to the other post... nope he isn't new at all hahahah

artistall · Aug 26, 2004, 07:49 AM

Before I respond to your situation I'd first like to make comment. Your opening line clearly indicates that you want some Advice. Here at "Ask Me" it is important to discern what is advice and what is personal Bias and Attitude based on an individuals experience which is the kind of verbalization you can get at the local washateria. Using the term "Typical" refers to what is typical in an individuals personal circle and personal experience and also implies Bias resulting in "Slanted Advice" These Bias remarks are the same as those used to label blondes, blacks, men, women, hispanics etc. and is more commonly referred to as "Bashing". Be sure that the advice you receive is real advice and not "Just What You Want To Hear". Surely you are upset and rightly so. The Person you were seeing obviously had other ideas for the evening and did not place you in the "priority" category. He was rude and inconsiderate, which is Not typical of the male gender. I'd be wondering what he doing at his parents for three hours that was more important than you. You waited far too long for his return and should have left within the hour of his departure. What you tolerate in your life will become the norm in your life. My advice is this: Establish your own personal set of rules and guidelines and remember that your future relationships will determine what will become "typical" in your life. Finding better men to date will greatly enhance the joys in your life and greatly reduce the miseries such as the one you just experienced. Stick to your guidelines!

jackie1963 · Aug 30, 2004, 04:00 PM

Artis!

You hit the nail on the head!
Straightforward no bs.

I found out what was indeed more important that night!

It was drugs!
He was getting high!

Hes in a rehab now... and from what i hear>>>
For like the 20th time since hes 18.

Starman · Apr 2, 2006, 01:17 PM

This guy acts like my X wife did.
No one can make a doormat out of you without your cooperation.

s_cianci · Apr 2, 2006, 06:56 PM

Unfortunately this guy is inconsiderate and irresponsible. Whatever he was doing at his parents house that took 3 hours could have and should have waited for another time. That evening he had a date with you and that's where his energy and focus belonged. If whatever business he had to address for 3 hours at his parents' house was so intricate that it had to be done that particular evening then he should have made the date for you for another night. I don't believe you are a doormat ; you spoke your mind and that's important. People like that need to be put in their place. You'd only be a doormat had you failed to say anything, thereby passively implying that his behavior is acceptable. I believe that this guy will respect your time if you insist on it. If he won't, then that's your cue to say "so long" and move on. Next time, give him the 10 minutes he says he needs. If 10 minutes come and go and he hasn't returned, take your son and go home without any fanfare. When he comes home to an empty house I'm sure he'll get the message.

s_cianci · Apr 2, 2006, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by jackie1963

Artis!

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!
STRAIGHTFORWARD NO BS.

I FOUND OUT WHAT WAS INDEED MORE IMPORTANT THAT NIGHT!

IT WAS DRUGS!
HE WAS GETTING HIGH!

HES IN A REHAB NOW...AND FROM WHAT I HEAR>>>
FOR LIKE THE 20TH TIME SINCE HES 18.

He was getting high at his parents' house? That doesn't say much for his character or theirs. Forget about putting him in his place, just click your heels and RUN away from this guy as fast as you can. He's no good for you or your son.

phillysteakandcheese · Apr 2, 2006, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Unfortunately this guy is inconsiderate and irresponsible ... Next time, give him the 10 minutes he says he needs. If 10 minutes come and go and he hasn't returned, take your son and go home without any fanfare. When he comes home to an empty house I'm sure he'll get the message.

To add to the above..

I wouldn't give the guy another chance. You should have nothing more to do with him. He's already made his priorities clear, and your not one of them.