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I'm in love with 21 year old but I'm 13. is this really bad?
Asked Aug 15, 2011, 01:00 PM
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32 Answers Ok so I am 13 years old 14 next month. And this summer I fell in love with a 21 year old guy(I'm a girl). There's no sex involved. And I know this sounds super stupid and some might think I have no clue what I am talking about, but I have thought long and hard about this and this feeling isn't going anywhere. Maybe its too early to say I love him but after asking people and researching everything I feel fits the description. He feels the same way. Only there's two problems. One I'm a minor, so obviously anything sexual will have to wait until I am 18 of course. And the second problem is, well it will not be a problem once I am 18, but he lives in England, I'm in America. Honestly, is it really wrong to talk to someone over the internet? I realize there is a big age difference but I am extremely mature for my age. It started out as a friendship and developed into this. He is my best friend and I care for him more than anyone else. The subject of sexual things has come up but its just joking and now its just talking about everyday stuff. However I kept this all from my parents. My mom found out yesterday. I can't lose him. I honestly need to know from a person who can put themselves in my shoes and give me a good opinion. He is a respectful guy, very caring, sweet, listens to my problems, and helps me cope with bad stuff going on in my life. He is my best friend. This has been going on for about a month and a half. Do I need to give this up? |
32 Answers
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| One word springs to mind here and you are not going to like it. That word is PEDOPHILE ! This sounds like a classic grooming episode. | ||||
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| You can't "know" somebody without spending time with them in person. Anyone can present a "mask" to you over chat (text or video), or the phone, when they only have to communicate with you for a little while each day. Even if this guy is who he appears to be in all respects, 5 years is very long time in a young person's life. Things can change drasticly in this time, and what seem to be "real" right now can turn 180 degrees and be very different very quickly. Your Mom is concerned about you. Although this love/friendship may be something lasting, it can also be something that ends up hurting you. I would have a hard time believing a 21 year old guy would remain faithful to a 13 year old girl, and especially not so for 5 years and in a different country. As a parent, I wouldn't make you give it up. I would tell you that it is unlikley you'll ever meet this person, let alone live happily ever after, and you should not try to shape you life around something you "wish" to be real. | ||||
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| Curlyben is right this has 'grooming'stamped all over it. Cut all contact-he could be anyone -anywhere. A normal twenty-one year old man does NOT befriend someone your age. | ||||
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| He is a PEDOPHILE !, not a doubt in my mind at all on this one. | ||||
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| Okay philly I understand your point. As for the other responses, umm no. A pedophile would want something in return. All it is talking I don't see anything wrong with that. There is no reason for someone to spend so much time chatting with a person if they do not care for that person. I know that there are creeps on the net, I'm very well informed. However this time I have no doubt that this is not a pedophile. And philly maybe he won't wait. I'm not shaping my life around this, but I want to see where it goes. Is that reasonable? | ||||
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| It started out joking about sex and now you discuss other things. That is wrong on many levels. Do you know what 'grooming' is? It is when a paedophile befriends a child/young teen. The paedophile over time convinces the victim, he/she is in love and there is nothing wrong with sharing that love in any way including physically or through pictures and messages. How did you meet this man? How do you know he is anything close to what he tells you he is? Just because he tells you he is in England doesn't mean he is or that he is really 21. He could be feeding you a story designed to gain your trust. Sounds like he has already succeeded. Stop researching love and start researching paedophiles/pedophiles. I hope you don't find out the hard way he isn't the nice guy you think he is. | ||||
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| I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to a friend over the Internet. The problem is when everything that friend presents to you is a lie. As Amicon said... A normal twenty-one year old man does NOT befriend someone your age. He could very well be a pedophile trying to gain your trust... He could also be a very lonely old man that needs the fantasy of someone loving him (at least the him he puts out there). My concern is more that you'll be hurt emotionally by this person playing on your feelings... Not physically attacked by someone on the way to school. | ||||
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