I'm 13, he's 16 and I don't know where our friendship is going
Hello, I have a problem that i would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful infomation that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.
A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And i think due to this I started to fancy him, which i know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest i just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.
One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that i was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didnt exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldnt actually believe he was depressed. He was soo happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.
So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when i'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.
He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. Its a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldnt care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and i couldnt stop worrying about him but you get what i mean, it didnt matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.
A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but i couldnt help love him. I know i sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was i was in love wiht the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one i saw.
Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing i thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then i thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying i loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when i asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 mins before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! Whats he hiding?
We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I dont know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am i just panicking. When I dont see him during the day i get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when im around him i start shaking and going dizzy and i feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how i feel? Would that help? would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?
He is seeing someone about his problems. Please dont worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything im worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!
I think that having a real relationship, like you desire, will only complicate the issues that he already needs to be facing on his own.
You will have to just be friends with him and support him, but if you can't handle that because you fancy him so much, then you need to stop all contact with him and focus on your friends in your class/grade.
He most probably doesn't want to let you in his world enough to see his dark depressed side. He probably likes you but doesn't want to take it anywhere because he knows he has problems. You are so young to have to deal with someone who is depressed and it is all too easy to confuse your feelings of love with feelings of feeling bad that he feels bad.
Just be his friend and let him know he can count on you but don't be looking for anything deeper.
He really should go get professional counselling.
I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.
I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.
Thats right man!!! i agree, not only does it effect yourself, but everyone around u! I have the same problem as well, but for me to face it, sometimes i cower, because i have a 3 yr old little girl who depends on me so much, and it kills me! so for the first two, u guys have to work it out, or give him space!!! at your age, stay friends, friendly advice!!!
OK, as a parent I'll first of all tell you that at 13 you should not be dealing with a 16 year old, let alone one with emotional problems.
I'm sure you are a smart girl, but at 13 you are not equipped to deal with him, nor should you.
You can be his friend but keep a distance. I would not take the "I love you" to heart.
At 13 you should be having fun not stressing in a relationship with a depressed 16 year old.
This is not to say anything against depressed people, I know the illness, have dealt with it myself for years, but there is help and you should encourage him to get help. I'm hoping his parents know he has problems and that he is getting help. An emotionally disturbed 16 year old is not one that you should be nor are you equipped to deal with. Mental illness is real and serious business. I hope this young man is getting help.
Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, whats that all about?
He sounds like he does love you....on what level though?? Friend, GF who knows, what you need to understand is depression is a serious illness. I hope he is getting help because self harm can turn into suicide attempts or a sucessful suicide. This is all way to heavy for you to be dealing with at your age but this is the real world and it happens! You said yourself you love him but at 13 love is different and most likely will not last. Be his friend, but don't get to close to this, encourage him to continue his therapy and if he talks of suicide do not brush it off tell his parent(s)!
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