Hello, I have a problem that i would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful infomation that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And i think due to this I started to fancy him, which i know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest i just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.

One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that i was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didnt exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldnt actually believe he was depressed. He was soo happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.

So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when i'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.

He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. Its a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldnt care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and i couldnt stop worrying about him but you get what i mean, it didnt matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.

A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but i couldnt help love him. I know i sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was i was in love wiht the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one i saw.

Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing i thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then i thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying i loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when i asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 mins before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! Whats he hiding?

We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I dont know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am i just panicking. When I dont see him during the day i get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when im around him i start shaking and going dizzy and i feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how i feel? Would that help? would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?

He is seeing someone about his problems. Please dont worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything im worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!

Melhoneybee

Thank you

Melhoneybee

I guess since the last post a lot has happened. And when I mean a lot, I mean a lot.
He has a girlfriend now. Who is not in his year. She's 15. And in the year above me. She (like me) after meeting him in the last play we were in started to fancy him, and she plucked up the courage and told him. She has no idea about his problems, how he has been suffering from depression or anything like that. And since this confesession she and him are going out together.
Nobody really knows about this. Only a few people. 3 of his friends in his year know, and 5 of her friends. And then he told me. Why? I don't know, probably because he tells me everything.
I know this girl really well, we've known each other since we were little, and I know she's a really nice girl.
And how do I feel about the whole situation? Well, I'm trying to be happy for the both of them. Everyone that knows about it is commenting on how sweet it is. But I kind of now understand why we could never go out in the first place, because I'm starting to think that this girl is way to young for him. And if she's too young, imagine how young compared to him I must be.
Despite seeing this girl, he's still talking to me about his problems. I don't think he wants her to know about his problems. He still tells me I know more about him than anyone else does. And he has even said "Mel, I love you!"
This girls friends are becoming concerned about her, they like me believe she is too young for this boy, and consequently believe that she is shutting herself off from them to be with him or think about him. They believe the relationship has gone to her head. He tells me they hardly spend any time together. His friends are all very supportive of it. But, its causing a lot of grief, having to sneak off to see her, having withstand all the disrespect her friends are giving her, and having to keep it quiet from everyone.
I don't know how it's going to last. He says she makes him very happy. But if he's still coming to me to speak to me, and talk to me, and trusting me to listen to him, what sort of feelings does he have for her.
He thinks I'm extremely happy for the both of them. THey are going out together soon. Maybe to the cinema. And me and him are seeing alot more of each other in rehearsals for the play. The closest we've been to being alone, is when there were just two of us and one of our friends who is a year older than me. otherwise, I'm taking your advice to always be with someone else in his company.

Homegirl 50

You are handling this wisely.
This also shows the kind of boy he is to have this girl on one side and having an emotional relationship with you on the other.
That is not fair to this other girl, ans yes, she is too young for him. I just hope this girl does not find out about the two of you. Perhaps you should ask him if she knows and suggest he either stop with you or leave this girl alone.
He seems to have a thing for young girls. I do not trust that.
Be Careful with this young man

Melhoneybee

This girl knows that me and him are friends. He told her that I knew about them being a couple, and she has often said to me "Do you approve of me and him seeing each other?" and I always reply "What do my thoughts count? As long as your happy together thats all the matters"
I don't think he has a thing for young girls. When we did the play I met him in, there was a group of 9 of us who always hung out together, he seemed to be one of the oldest, I being the youngest. This girl is exactly like me, met him during the rehearsals and started fancying him.
He has publicly announced in her presence "Mel knows more about me than even I do"
Are you suggesting he's two timing her with me? I really doubt that. We don't really have a relationship. We just.. okay, we sort of have one... but I wouldn't go as far to say it's two timing. So, I'm not sure how saying "please stop with me" will make things any better.

Homegirl 50

[quote=Melhoneybee;2050465]
Despite seeing this girl, he's still talking to me about his problems. I don't think he wants her to know about his problems. He still tells me I know more about him than anyone else does. And he has even said "Mel, I love you!"
He says she makes him very happy. But if he's still coming to me to speak to me, and talk to me, and trusting me to listen to him, what sort of feelings does he have for her.
QUOTE]

I'm only going by what you have said. I'm not saying he is two timing, I'm just wondering if he is not leading her on. If she knows he is still talking so much to you.
I say he seems to have a thing for younger girls because it is unusual for a guy of his age to have two girls he is talking to as young as you two. Guys that age generally talk to girls closer to their age.

rosemcs

Do what you REALLY don't want to do--forget about him. Concentrate on getting through school. Always remember, there are other wonderful men that will come along in your life as the years go by (he is still a boy)....if you blame him for anything you feel, he will become even more distant. You can't force a relationship, so pretty girl, put your head in your books and think about a path that will be smart in this economy. Your time to pay bills is coming shortly.

Melhoneybee

Me and him are growing distant. We are still close friends, and now I feel my feelings for him are slowly fading, I still think of him a lot, far more than I should do, but it is fading. I'm doing a lot of concerts now, plays, performing, and he's seeing more of his girlfriend, meeting up with her in town. He keeps tellingme stuff about her though, like every time they kiss ect. and I still feel he's more open with me about everything compared to her.
I'm trying to grow distant, its hard, and it hurts me a litttle inside, it feels like self betrayal, but I'm doing it.

Homegirl 50

If his talking about her hurts you, tell him to stop. Speak up!
The fact that he is telling you stuff like that about is a red flag. That is a tacky thing for him to do. He has no respect for this girl and little respect for your feelings as well.
I know this hurts, but his leaving you alone is a good thing in the long run.

Melhoneybee

Lots of things have been happening again. We treat each other as friends, lots more people are finding out about their relationship and are appalled. No one has the courage to say it outloud, but many have voiced their opinions to me. Since my last post, we have grown close again. Last night, I was performing opera at a school speech night at the philiarmonic hall (A very famous concert hall in Liverpool, UK) Before the ceremony started, he spent the whole time sat with me instead of his girlfriend reasuring me, wishing me luck, telling me what he thought of my opera and how he had every confidence in me. Although as soon as I left him, to go the dressing rooms before I made my appearence, apparantly, his girlfriend came and joined him and they spent the whole night with her, apparntly. But when I entered onto the stage though he just sat there transfixed. And after the event he rushed up to me and gave me a massive hug, right in front of her...
Today I passed him while he was on his phone, (I'm presuming to her) and as soon as he saw me he went "Gotta go, love you bye" put the phone down extrememly quickly and went "Hey Mel...."
I'm really confused... I don't want to forget about him... I do try to, but it doesn't work... It's so annoying, wherever I go, he's there... I try to be all hacked off with him... but I can't help but be overly nice...

Homegirl 50

You need to leave this guy alone, in fact he needs to leave you alone.
You are setting yourself up to be hurt. Stop romanticizing about this boy, it is not doing either of you any good, and if this girl is your friend you are not doing her right.
Get a grip young lady, you are too smart for this. I think he is enjoying the fact that he has two young girls who idolize him.