Hello, I have a problem that i would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful infomation that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And i think due to this I started to fancy him, which i know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest i just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.

One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that i was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didnt exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldnt actually believe he was depressed. He was soo happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.

So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when i'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.

He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. Its a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldnt care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and i couldnt stop worrying about him but you get what i mean, it didnt matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.

A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but i couldnt help love him. I know i sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was i was in love wiht the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one i saw.

Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing i thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then i thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying i loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when i asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 mins before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! Whats he hiding?

We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I dont know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am i just panicking. When I dont see him during the day i get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when im around him i start shaking and going dizzy and i feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how i feel? Would that help? would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?

He is seeing someone about his problems. Please dont worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything im worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!

Homegirl 50

Then you continue to be his friend young lady.
Keep the friendship pure. But because he is popular as you say, when he gets in one of his "moods" and he may have them. don't allow him to put you down in front of his "friends"
I wish you well young lady.

Melhoneybee

Thankyou for your advice. Being truthful he doesnt get in moods, he just comes to me going "please, mel, help me, cheer me up, I need to speak to you". Thank you. Hes not the sort of person who would put you down in front of other people.

I just hope we can continue our friendship Thank you

Homegirl 50

I hope things remain good for the two of you. Be careful that he does not become an emotional burden to you.
Just take my advice for any guy in the future. Don't ever become so enamored by anyone that you allow them to treat you in a disrespectful way.
You know who you are and you are a bright and sweet girl. Stay true to yourself.

Jake2008

When I first started reading this I thought what's a 13 year old doing mixing it up with a 16 year old boy.

But, you are very mature as far as understanding what you are feeling, how you are interpreting your emotions, and how you are reading your friend. You sound like a really well adjusted kid to me, and I'd like to pat your parents on the back for their part in raising such a great kid.

Depression is one of those things that have symptoms and causes that you may not yet realize about him. If he has been diagnosed as clinically depressed and is being treated for it, then that is quite different then saying he's just a depressed person. An active, depressed person at age 16 is also coping in a different way with just growing up, which is hard enough to do without being depressed to start with.

You don't want a relationship with him as you've said, and that too shows maturity because you realize that doesn't fit right now. The key here is, he needs you.

It sounds like he's had problems long before he met you. I don't doubt that because he is highly artistic and creative that he is also more sensitive than those of us without talent, and as such, interesting and charasmatic. The energy is different.

Watch for balance in this friendship. If you enjoy his company and still keep your natural ability to be practical and think critically, then why not enjoy him. He sounds fun and interesting to be around. On the other hand, when and if instinct tells you that it is unbalanced, and he is needing you far more than you are comfortable with, or that you are learning that he has problems far greater than you can help solve, then take a few steps back.

I don't get the impression that you feel the need to save him from himself, or rescue him emotionally which is also showing strength of character on your part.

Just be careful with how much time you invest in this relationship, and try not to become so involved with him that you lose sight of other friends and activities.

Melhoneybee

Thank you Jake2008 for this advice. I know, "Whats a 13 year old doing, mixing with a 16 year old" is what most people think. I even found myself saying it when i first met him.
Don't worry hes not my only friend. Although everyone sees me as a bit of a geek no one hates me and I don't any enemies. I do have friends my own age so Im not relying on him. And I suppose I have to have friends younger than him as I suppose my life is going to i dont know how to explain but, take a turn back to my old life when he leaves to go to unniversity. I know I will miss him but I can't stop him from going and I know he has to go develop his life further and I have to make continue my life and become a succesful person. He's off in May 2010 so we shall have to make the most of our time together.
And don't bring yourself down! Of course you have talent! Everyone has a talent! We may not all make it famous but we can get somewhere with what little talent we have so dont go downgrading yourself with the statement those of us without talent.

Thank you for commenting on my maturity. Most people tell me I'm too sensible and never learn to have fun so the people i did confide in while not mentioning his emotional problems have told me to ask him out but as you know I will NOT be doing that.

Thank you for everything

Jake2008

You're a good kid Mel, you'll be just fine.

As to my talent, well, I'll continue to sing in the shower while the dog howls! lol

oxanalo0vex

i have the same thing my best friend,going on to 14 has a best friend who is 16 and he is adorable she introduced me to him nopt that long ago but you see im only 12 and hes 16 and i went roller skating with him and my friends and we shared an icee and we laughed with the whole group and then we all watched horror movie,i couldnt help but smile when he looked at me all night,it probably sounds foolish but i think i like him...alot, and my best friend knows so i feel for you and i want to tell him,but hes 16 and it would be wierd and i know what kind of girls he likes,so good lluck mel, ! <3

bloobloo1

i have the same thing my best friend,going on to 14 has a best friend who is 16 and he is adorable she introduced me to him nopt that long ago but you see im only 12 and hes 16 and i went roller skating with him and my friends and we shared an icee and we laughed with the whole group and then we all watched horror movie,i couldnt help but smile when he looked at me all night,it probably sounds foolish but i think i like him...alot, and my best friend knows so i feel for you and i want to tell him,but hes 16 and it would be wierd and i know what kind of girls he likes,so good lluck mel, ! <3

Melhoneybee

Things have changed since I last wrote.
He's turned 17 now, and I'm still 13.
We have been talking a lot together, he tells me how special I make him feel, and how blessed he feels to know me.
I was singing at a concert on friday, and he was in the audience, and he came up to me afterwards and went "That was really awesome Mel" and somehow I found myself in his arms, and we hugged for quite a long time... I thought I had managed to accept him as a friend but now I really don't know. Since that text he's never said he loves me, but he gets so close, or I feel he gets so close to it... I think I really do love him so much... Bother, No matter how I hard I try. We speak to each other a lot more, and I know we should only be friends. My feelings are starting to scare me.

Homegirl 50

You need to keep this on a strictly friendly level. This guy is too old for you.
Does your mother know about your relationship with this young man?