Hello, I have a problem that i would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful infomation that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And i think due to this I started to fancy him, which i know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest i just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.

One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that i was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didnt exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldnt actually believe he was depressed. He was soo happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.

So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when i'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.

He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. Its a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldnt care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and i couldnt stop worrying about him but you get what i mean, it didnt matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.

A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but i couldnt help love him. I know i sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was i was in love wiht the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one i saw.

Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing i thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then i thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying i loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when i asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 mins before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! Whats he hiding?

We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I dont know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am i just panicking. When I dont see him during the day i get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when im around him i start shaking and going dizzy and i feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how i feel? Would that help? would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?

He is seeing someone about his problems. Please dont worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything im worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!

Melhoneybee

He has stopped the self harm. I dont want a relationship, i just want to be his friend. But I can't actually help loving him. Yes i deeply respect him as a person, do care for him and believe me the depression does not stop him from being a wonderful person. I know its too heavy. I don't want to avoid him, hes a nice person to talk to even though he himself is not happy with everything.

He makes me smile and laugh when im having a tough time, he tells me that he really respects me, he encourages me to do things and inspires me im just a bit upset about it myself that he is the way he is. I really have no clue about the text. We never speak about it anymore. Its like we are both afraid to, and that confuses me.

Homegirl 50

Then just take it for what it is. You are his friend and he obviously cares about you. Leave it at that.
I wish you well.

monkey123

well maybe he loves you just as a friend because you are always there for him

AManWithNoName

I suffer from a clinical depresson, about who knows what, but he sounds like someone, who with the right guidence, he would make a cool guy to be around, and I wouldn't be suprised if he's had tons of girl freinds
As for the drunk things, he was probubly lying, he said he loves you, didn't expect you to answere, and when you do, he freaks out "oh I was drunk" iv done it, no other guy in here better not tell me theyv never done it, hey I pull the "its the weed hun" card all the time, he may have feelings for you, hell, I sure as sh** would
You gotta make your move, not to much, you gotta want to hold his hand, kiss his cheak, or whatever it is you crazy kids do these days, don't kiss him right away, don't jump all over him, just give off the notion that "hey I'm a pretty girl that onviously has deep feelings for you dipsh**, acknowledge that!" but like I said before, do it suddley, other wise he may not take it seriously, maybe just think your goofing around or playing, or it may just freak him out
I don't know what else to say, you sound like a nice girl, and I'd like to hear a reply to this

Melhoneybee

Well, thank you for thinking I'm a nice girl. Its funny how only words can influence people.
Tons of friends, yes hes friends with everyone. No one can not actually admit to not likeing him, hes so funny and cheery, even though when i first told him I never told him about the problems i was going though with my father he made me forget about my worries when i first met him in his company.
Lots of girlfriends? Well funnily enough the thing is he's never had a girl friend. The girl he really likes is seeing someone 2 year older than her and they are both dead in love. Its breaking his heart that he and her are only best friends, he writes her poetry and everything and that what makes me think he loves her, after all the age difference between us both, admitedly though he has wrote the odd poem for me. One was a birthday poem, the others were trying to explain his feelings about his depression.
All the kissing and holding his hand stuff, we never do that. I havent even hugged him
The closest ive ever been to him was when i put his arm around him once or the time he came really close to my face and went jokily "DONT LAUGH!!!" with the biggest smile on his face ever...sorry that moment is like one of the best moments ever.
The notion about me being a pretty girl. Well the notion i give him is "Im a girl who listens to your problems and is generally a lovely person to be around. I know im ecentric, slightly bonkers and prone to laughing untill my sides split but Im always here for you no matter what. Im also slightly on the geeky side" Is that a good notion?
Lol, i just admire him so much. And the fact that hes struggling inside doesnt matter, it makes no difference if hes suffering from depression or not, hes such a lovel

topkay

To start with, I think you are still too young to be thinking of a serious relationship with a guy who is equally young. What you need right now is to build a network of friendship with the opposite sex. Do not be tied down to a single guy for now. The issue of becoming unstable to the extent of feeling dizzy is not necessary for now. Try to master your emotions. There are other interesting young men out there that you can build friendship with. After some years, when you are more matured, you will be able to decide on that special one you want to date. Please take your time and do not become emotionally disturbed.
However, I am not saying you should abandon the guy in question to his problem. This is the time you can prove to him that you are a friend in need and so a friend indeed. Continue to support him until he comes out of his emotional problem. I wish you all the best.

AManWithNoName

Peole r gonna tell you your too young to have a serious relationship, but, hell, you seem as, if not, more mature than most 16 year old girls iv dated, two, I date younger girls....cuz I'm weird
But, I do wonder, is it a turn off, if it was any other guy, that if he had a depression, or emotional problem, sorry, but that's a little one sided, but whateva
But, sounds like he needs to open his eyes and see, the girl he "loves" only wants to be freinds...poetry?? Sorry, sounds weird on the 6th level to me, haha, no offence

IvyLynn1984

Sweetie... All women wonder the same thing about men. But I can say this when it comes down to the drunk moment then he was drunk. It only takes a little while to get the affects. So he did say it. He might have meant it cause the truth comes out when your drunk. But only one person knows what they feel and that would be him. I'm not sayin to go to him and spill the beans just yet. Try him out a little more before rushin into anything. I've learned that since I was you age and now I'm 25. Just take it slow. You have all the time in the world I promise. And if he's not the one there are so many fish in this sea.

Homegirl 50

Let's not forget she is 13. The last thing she needs to be doing is playing seduction games with him.

This young man had problems that you should not even deal with. Be his friend, let him know he can talk to you, but let that be as far as it goes. Like I told you before, he may like you, even think he loves you, but he has problems.
You just be his friend, nothing more, and don't let anyone talk you into trying to do or be more than that.

Melhoneybee

Thank you everyone for their advice and support. Your right, I don't want to play seduction games with him. To be honest he treats me like his sister but I can't actually help the way I feel. I don't want to scare him. I don't want to go a step too far with him and make him think i'm desperate, if anything I want to stay close friends with him.
The poetry... ITS NOT WEIRD AT ALL! :P The poems he writes are very beautiful. And this is the thing, if he admits it to his friends then hes scared they are all going to think hes a weirdo. You see the thing is, hes like one of the most popular boys in our school and everyone wants to be like him and looks up to him. Hes a good team leader and fab person to be around.
People are mentioning that I make friends with boys my own age. Okays I'm going to be truthful, the boys around my age are all nightmares. I dont want a relationship from them but still even thought i try to be friendly they all drive me round the bend. So you get the dirty pervert type who just want to ask you personal questions and then theres the quiet type who dont say a thing. Theres the type where you can have a good conversation that lasts for a good 1 minute before the silence comes and then theres the boys who start talking and dont stop talking about awful things like "wouldnt it be cool if so and so from this doctor who epidode came along" ect ect ect
Most people tease me for being too mature. And I guess I've always been mature. Its not bullying but still its like happy slappy which i suppose im going to put up with because it isnt going to change. I read the newspaper, listen to BBC radio 4, interested in politics and read shakespearian plays and stuff. Yes, I know it sounds like heavy stuff for a 13 year old but hey thats me and its what im into. This boy can just talk about it with me and we have all these good long conversations about stuff. Hes interested in it too. All the boys my age want to talk about his... football and rappers. They are all interested in my airhead mates who are just the same as them and get joys out of reading celeb goss which doesnt interest me one bit. This boy makes me feel like im no longer a weirdo and hes very interested into the sort of stuff im into.
Also i get teased for being an A* grade pupil so boys just see me as the class nerd. Basically boys my age are jerks

A man with no name, what do you mean by the turn off things.

In all honest truth I dont want a relationship with him, even though i do love him and think about him so much if he were to tell it to my face that he really liked him I would be so freaked out and say no. I dont want it to ruin our friendship