how important is intimacy ?

lost777 · #1 Jan 15, 2008, 03:18 PM

ive been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and
we have not done anything sexually other then "make out"
yes i've talked to her about it she replied " she wasnt ready "
as all of u may answer "then u wait" but my question is
how important is intimacy in a relationship

Synnen · Jan 15, 2008, 03:34 PM

How old are you?

lost777 · Jan 15, 2008, 07:02 PM

sixteen

ISneezeFunny · Jan 15, 2008, 07:07 PM

hm. 16...she may not feel comfortable having sex, but does she say she's not ready for other things, (groping, rubbing, dry humping, oral, etc?)

lost777 · Jan 15, 2008, 07:28 PM

i dont want to have sex either

i dont want a baby.

but other forms of intimacy she doesnt want to do either

Kiwigal · Jan 15, 2008, 08:29 PM

Sexual intimacy is important but it's not the ultimate for a relationship. Sexual intimacy will bring you closer, but only if there is good emotional intimacy.

Does she have any religious beliefs which may be holding her back? There may also be trust issues involved - there may be something in her past where she has been hurt in a relationship or on a sexual level and the thought of being sexual with you in any way may scare her. She may not feel ready to open up to you about such things, and only a level of emotional intimacy will make her feel secure enough to share herself with you (mind and body).

There are ways of being intimiate without being sexual - kissing, holding hands, cuddling, sharing dreams and thoughts all build intimacy. The sex thing will come in time and if there are other personal issues holding her back, then she may need to see a therapist or counsellor. But ultimately that's up to her.

kp2171 · Jan 15, 2008, 08:34 PM

your desires are normal

but if shes not ready, you cannot push her

if you dont like the relationship in this context you have two choices... stay with her and dont complain, or leave and find someone who is more compatable.

it doesnt have to be more complicated

Synnen · Jan 15, 2008, 11:04 PM

Intimacy is important (I moved your question to teens, where you might get more answers)....but trust is MORE important.

Trust will build intimacy.

She has to trust that you are not going to push her into doing more than she's comfortable with, she has to trust that you're not going to run and tell your friends what you've done together, she has to trust that you're going to be there for a long time.

Building trust takes TIME. Yes, a year is a long time at 16...but it's not that long in the grand scheme of things.

Either go only as far as she's comfortable with, for intimacy, or you'll just push her away from wanting ANY kind of sexual interplay.

I think that kissing, cuddling, a little groping (clothes ON, please!) and some necking, along with holding hands and a lot of talking is all the intimacy you should need at your age.

lost777 · Jan 16, 2008, 05:51 AM

thank you guys.

because my ultimate concerns that i see so many marriages even end because of lack of intimacy i dont want our relationship to end

kp2171 · Jan 16, 2008, 06:46 AM

at your age, you need to enjoy the relationship for what it is... a learning experience. you are understanding how relationships can work... but stop with the marriage talk.

you are 16. dont try to elevate this to the level of marriage. you are making things complicated.

relax, enjoy the relationship.



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