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I have a daughter who is soon to be 14 years old. She is very shy and has a hard time making friends in school. She throws tantrums when she wants something that I tell her she can not have and then she gets abusive with me and hits me and kicks me. I would love to give all 4 of my kids everything they want but she know that I am only working part time and my husband works full time and we cannot afford everything she wants. She is failing in school because she has no motivation to go to school and gives me a hard time every morning. My kids are bused to school but she will not take the bus in the morning, so I need to drive her every morning. I have two other kids who I need to take to school too and she knows that but she does not care whether she makes them late every morning. I don't know what to do because she does not listen to me or my husband. She manipulates her brothers at home. She is normally a great sister but there are times that she gets very bossy and her brothers typically do not like to play with her because of that. I love her and my three boys but I just wish she would understand that she can't always get everything she wants and that she needs to do better in school and then I would not mind getting her something special as a reward for doing something good. Please let me know what to do about this situation.
Who's the parent, you and your husband or her? She won't get on the bus in the morning so you have to drive her to school, no you don't, let her walk if she misses the bus. She kicks you when she doesn't get what she wants, well, then she can work for the things she does get, like soap and shampoo, clothes etc. She's a spoiled and you are only feeding in to it. It's time to lay down the law, no more mister nice guy, she's the child, you're the parent, either she shapes up or she ships out, to boot camp. Put your foot down before she breaks it.
I have a daughter who is soon to be 14 years old. She is very shy and has a hard time making friends in school.
I'd start here. She's 14. That's a horrible age nowadays. Her being shy and feeling like a social misfit doesn't help at all.
I'm guessing she doesn't want to go to school and deal with the social stuff. At this age, she won't confide in you, since, after all, you are only a parental unit, as my son used to call me.
Is there another adult she would be willing to talk with? It would have to be someone willing to keep her confidences yet be a good advisor and mentor for social stuff.
Or, find a counselor who works with young teens. Tell your daughter it's only for a short time, a few sessions--she and the counselor alone, confidential. (Most counselors have a sliding scale, by the way, so money shouldn't be a reason not to seek counseling.)
If your daughter won't go, then you go. That will affect your daughter because you will change and, because of that, she too will change.
first I will be even more harsh, it appears you have allowed and accepted this behavior, the staement you can't afford "everything" means you are trying to get alot.
So at 14 first you walk her down to the bus stop and force her to get on the bus, if she mis-behaves, you take everything she owns out of her room and ground her to it. You stop giving into her.
I do also agree with the couseling, and also if she hits you, turn her in, get her into the Juv system, perhaps a boot camp or even a few weeks of detention and she will learn that getting her way is not going to work any longer
you need to start slowly at first say NOTHING until she hits you then send yher to any room were there is nothing fun it doesnt matter which and let her out once she has calmed down reapeat this until she stops arguing?shouting making them say sorry only makes them rebbelious but make it clear that it will happen again if she hits.then move onto doing this when she shouts too loud swears or is rude.i used a boring room as an example but you can really do what everr you want but stick to it. if there are any social things she really wants to do then threaten to cancel them.she will want any freinds she does have to think her cool.she can walk to school or get the bus tell her those are her options, but she should really walk it is relaxing and there may be issues on the bus. i know it seems extreme but have you considered another school?
Let me tell you what aunt did to my cousin at the age 13. First of all she was spoiled and when she did not get her way she yelled at her mother, one day yelling turned into trying to beat up her mother and her beat her a**. Then dragged her 9 blocks to the police station, while my cousin was trying to get away. Once she got to the police station she told the cops what happen and she press charges aganist he daughter, long story short she stayed at the police station a day and the cops put her in a scare straight program and it worked. She scared of jail and mother and now listens.
Go to the police station and tel them about your daughter and find out what they can do or google boot camps because out of control teen means out of control adult soon she try hitting with other things then her hand. If my dauggter ever raise her hand and hit me thats the day she would be lay out on the floor.
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