Hello. I am a 15 year old gay guy. I'm not out yet and I'm not sure how I would be able to do it without ruining my life. Some of my friends say to me " promise me you will never be gay" or things along those lines... and it pains me when they say this. I don't want them to think I am therefor I promise them. My parents and siblings aren't very gay friendly. I am also about 90% sure my parents already know I'm gay... and are just waiting for me to tell them. Another big problem is that I have not fully accepted me being gay. I have told myself yes.. im gay... but I've never accepted it yet. I don't want to be gay, and I know for a fact that you are born with it. Ever since I was little I've been attracted to boys. I've always only had friends who are girls.. I even played with dolls and dressed up like a girl when I was young. Of course I don't do this anymore, I'm not that type of gay person.
I also really want a boyfriend right now... I have for about a year, but now its gotten worse. I just really want to have my first boyfriend not only as my first step of coming out, but to confirm myself that its not a bad thing being gay.

This is my first time on a website like this, and basically the first time I've told anyone that I am gay

What I really want is some advice, and some reassurance. I'm sort of scared for my future as a gay man.